i've got a feelin'

realiti adakala memang menyakitkan!

but life goes on...

woke up with zest today. had a good sleep following a great work-out last nite. but the wonderful feeling diminished so early in the morning.

tak henti mulut kumat-kamit istighfar. diam seribu bahasa. tried not to talk to anyone. otherwise tak pasal2 keluar ayat2 laser, sarcastic dan pedih lagi memedihkan. cuba untuk senyum sendirian, tak pe, bukan ada orang nampak coz i was wearing the face mask. kata orang bila senyum, dengan sendirinya kita boleh feel good. euphoric. euphoric nightmare!

the residual bad feeling is still there, till now.

i need to smile. i need a good laugh. i need to recite the holy verses.

oh God, please forgive me!

astaghfirullahal'adzim!

the moment passes you by...

one of my all-time favourite movies is "my best friend's wedding". watched it many times, and it never fails to make me smile, laugh and cry.

the movie-clip below is my favourite scene... so sweet, sad and touching. listen to the dialogue between the two best friends..

supposed to be a romantic comedy, but i cried, nonetheless...



don't let the moment passes you by...

a man's dreams are an index to his greatness..

hi! i'm back!

my journey to singapore was... okay.

the congress was good and successful. best. and everytime pergi congress or conference cam gini, terus motivated rasa nak buat sub-specialty. but as soon as i return to routine life... became demotivated and malas.

again, i met Prof Prin, a glaucomatologist from bangkok. i really admire this guy, since i first listen to his talk in KL in 2002. i admire the way he expressed his thoughts and opinions. his surgeries 'wow'-ed me. i admire his presentation slides, and he must be real good in IT and computers. his way of thinking is more practical rather than theoretical. he believes surgeries are in evolution, kita tak boleh nak stick to one style and method, bcoz we learn something new each day. we should be exploring and discovering something more exciting and beneficial to our patients. i think he is simply COOL.

besides the congress, tiap2 mlm kita keluar. rasanya cam dah expert ngan MRT and buses in the central region of singapore. cuma congress tu tight schedule sangat, kalau tak boleh gi jalan sentosa island. seperti biasa, kita akan jatuh cinta ngan kereta2 yang menjalar di atas jalan kat singapore tu. mana ada kereta bertaraf besi buruk!

punyelah kami keluar everyday nak gi cari souvenirs, akhirnya on the last day baru jumpa. and bila sampai kat airport, berlambak souvenirs kat airport, dan yang mengecewakan is bila the prices lebih murah kat airport!

kita tak shopping sangat, coz duit dia lagi mahal, and tak de sale. kita tengok gak cameras and mini laptops, tapi kat mesia lagi murah.

arrived at subang airport at 10.30 am yesterday morning. picked-up by hubbyby and abg yie, and headed terus ke rumah pak su in subang jaya for his open house. then balik rumah my sister nadjee, who is going for haj 26 oct ni. most of my family members were in the klang valley as elly buat housewarming and open house on saturday. before balik kt, kami berkonvoi ke puncak alam to attend suhaidi's open house.

3.30 petang baru bertolak balik KT. the children were very happy. sofea tak nak balik. sampai KT around 10.30pm. semuanya terus pengsan... penat!

and i continue dreaming...

to accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan but also believe.....

leaving on a jet plane

sometimes, i just do not understand myself. (sigh!)

i have wanted to go for this trip, but when the time comes.... ehm, rasa malas je. sebenarnya, bukan senang nak tinggalkan keluarga. got so many things in my mind. nak siapkan itu ini, akhirnya.... satu benda pun tak sempat nak buat. kerja kat hospital pun i had to delegate to few other colleagues and friends.

i was too tired, and had been sleeping late for the past few days. so, last nite, i slept while folding the clothes...

woke up at 4 am. started packing. alhamdulillah, settle.

gonna miss my children and darling hubbyby, and my dearest captain future. ikut hati memang nak bw captain future, but i prefer to travel light. alhamdulillah, hubbyby also dapat cari a new charger for my htc pda phone. otherwise... susah jugak. ingat nak cari phone baru je, or switch phones with hubbyby.

this weekend, my hubbyby and children are going to kl. need to fetch our new maid, and i got to see my sister before she leaves for haj on the oct 26th. so, hubbyby will fetch me when i reached kl. balik ngan kereta. hope the new maid tak de masalah. my youngest sister, elly juga buat housewarming/open house sempena naik rumah baru in setia alam.

am gonna leave you with my all-time favorite 'leaving on a jet plane'.



hope my trip will turn-out to be a good one. gonna miss you.

see ya on monday! luv ya!

sob.sob.

if..

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

isn't it an inspiring poem? this classic poem was written by rudyard kipling (1865-1936). this poem is like a blueprint for personal integrity, behaviour and self-development.

i first came across this poem somewhere in 1985, when my sister who returned from england brought home a piece of kain hiasan dinding yang bertulis dengan poem ini. i put it on the wall of my room in mrsm kuantan when i was in form five. and it did boost my motivation, my determination and make me want to strive for excellence.

thing BIG! think top notch!

aku da dirimu

i like this song. lagunya dah lama juga but kita baru dengar agak recently.

a nice song. and i like it. and BCL nampak sungguh sweet.

enjoy the song.

pungguk rindukan bulan

rindu!

i am missing ramadhan.

hidup lebih tenang, lebih teratur, lebih rahmat dan nekmat.

ruang waktu sentiasa dipenuhi, berkat, rahmat.

moga magis ramadhan dapatku praktikkan... sentiasa.

corat-coret di aidilfitri

alhamdulillah, i'm getting a lot better. the fever has settled. cuma ada cough sekali-sekala, and the nose has not been perfectly cleared. hope everything will be back to normal by this weekend.

salam aidilfitri. hari ni dah 11 syawal, baru nak cerita pasal aidilfitri. entahlah.. since the flu, kita ada mood swing, cepat get irritated and sensitive tak tentu pasal.

there's a lot to tell about the raya. to simplify, i'll write in point forms.

1. balik kampung on friday morning. original plan to start the journey at 6 am, and to head straight to KB. while on the way, we decided to stop at my MIL's house. niat nak balik KB tertangguh2 sehingga akhirnya berbuka di besut. sampai KB lepas kul 10 mlm.
2. elly was the first to reach home, followed by ei and liza. then it was me, and nadjee. kak ni, syam and kak ya balik a day before raya.
3. last day of ramadhan, went to pick-up baju raya. hmm... kaya juga jadi tailor ni. hari tu i picked-up 8 pasang baju raya, and paid a 4 digit amount!! (not mine alone, campur ngan my sister punye). lepas tu gi beli tudung at bazaar MPKB. also bought a new telekung for raya.
4. the plan was to survey and buy a new digital camera, sebab hubbyby had misplaced the battery charger for my Sony DSC T5. kita pun saje cari alasan nak beli camera baru. tapi hajat tak kesampaian, as hubbyby nak balik besut gak that morning. so no digicam this raya. kita pakai my non-digital Canon EOS 88 SLR camera.
5. first time in my life, i slept early on malam raya. lepas solat isyak terus pengsan... too tired. kita tak contribute tenaga pun untuk masak juadah raya for the next morning. and it was my sisters who waited for my hubbyby utk return from besut. dia sampai rumah dalam kul 2 pagi. padan muka kena panjat gate coz ayah dah kunci gate.
6. my siblings who travelled from KL on saturday morning faced a bad traffic jam. kak ya finally patah balik ke bangi and masak rendang for raya dulu, dan bertolak semula kul 2 ptg. the rendang was later called "rendang balik semula".
7. syam pula ubah plan and balik ikut k.kangsar-grik-east west highway.
8. Bb and sue beraya di rumah in-laws; temerloh and perak.
9. 1 syawal, i woke-up at 4.30 am, and menyibukkan diri di dapur utk serve juadah pagi raya. guilty feeling coz tak masak the night before!
10. juadah pagi raya was satay and nasi impit. we got satay Baung and satay Kajang brought from bangi. lemang and rendang balik semula, kuzi ayam + roti bun. the initial plan utk mengirai roti jala di malam raya tidak menjadi kenyataan.
11. went for solat raya and met few old friends.
12. my family was in blue for the pagi raya. our photography session was cut short as guests start coming to our house.
13. stayed home the whole day of 1 syawal as our house menerima tamu tak henti-henti dari pagi sampai malam. mum and dad were very happy coz anak2 saudara mereka semuanya datang visit.
14. kami semua penat di dapur since raya kali ni, kami semua dah tak de maid. so, kerja cuci mencuci pinggan diserahkan kepada anak2 dara 1st class cucu2 hj omar.
15. lepas isyak, we bertolak ke Besut.
16. in Besut, macam tak raya coz sibuk nak kenduri for my sister in law's wedding. the akad nikah was at 10 am on 2nd syawal. and the kenduri was on 3rd syawal. majlis menyambut menantu pula 4th syawal. so kita spent 3 hari in besut.
17. what was my role for the kenduri in besut? since kita memang bukannya pandai sangat di dapur, kita buat kerja potong memotong je. kita champion potong bawang and mayang the bawangs. Tok Su tabik kat kita coz tak menangis pun handle bawangs tu. kita kata kita ada protection... the glasses. Tok Su juga compare my finely chopped ginger with the other menantu. hehe... kita menang lagi!
18. kita juga akhirnya jadi tukang settlekan barang2 hantaran since semua org sibuk buat benda lain. oleh kerana kita dah biasa sangat ngan kenduri kahwin, bab2 barang hantaran ni, bolehlah kita buat yang simple2 but presentable and look nice. but they don't have proper equipments so tak de lah cantik sangat.
19. during the akad ceremony at the mosque, i found my hubbyby soooo handsome! di mata kita, my hubbyby paling handsome bila dia cleanly shaved, berbaju melayu and bersongkok/kopiah bila bersiap nak solat. sungguh bersih dan nampak suci gitu! sebab tu every year kita buat baju melayu baru untuk dia.
20. since my hubbyby is the eldest son, he acted as the wali for Zie, my SIL.
21. hubbyby worked so hard for the kenduri. the next day, hubbyby, kak long and din (BIL) had bad diarrhoea, vomiting and fever. orang lain sihat je...
22. balik semula ke KB on petang 4th day raya. and sempat merasa nasi kerabu my mom yang sungguh sedap itu.
23. khamis... kami menjamu nasi dagang. but nasi dagang bukanlah favourite kita, so kita makan sikit je. petang tu kami semua dah malas masak, kita beli berkotak-kotak pizza! dan org yang datang malam tu dijamu ngan mushroom soup, baguetta and pizza. semuanya licin!
24. on malam khamis, at around 2 am, hanif and my sister, Bb, had similar bad dreams yang menakutkan. peliknya, mimpinya sama dan dalam waktu yang sama. told dad about that... dia senyum je. hee... mysterious. khamis malam jumaat tu, kita sungguh takut nak tidur and hold-on tight to hubbyby.
25. plan utk balik KT ptg khamis ditunda ke pagi jumaat. yeay! sampai KT terus ke ward sebab kita on-call. after solat jumaat, went to my friend's house and had nasi ayam. in the evening, went to kak ni's house and had soto. malam tu kita mula demam.
26. saturday.... kita demam teruk..!

gambar raya? hmm... gambar kita belum siap lagi coz hubbyby belum hantar filem utk cuci. maklumlah tak pakai digicam this year.

selamat hari raya! utk yang belum puasa 6, silalah mula berpuasa. utk yang dah complete, alhamdulillah, selamat berhari raya lagi!