p/s I love you..

ooppss!! jangan salah sangka.. bukan cinta baru. juga bukan cinta beralih arah.

ia cuma tajuk novel cecelia ahern yang banyak kali ku renung, ku tatap, ku belek. tetapi ia tidak berjaya membuat aku membelinya. akhirnya.. cuma menonton filemnya. i do not read romance novels.. too idealistic and too good to be true.

p/s I Love You.. berkisar tentang Holly yang tiba2 kehilangan suami, akibat brain tumour. she was still young. kelakar dan sedih melihat cara Holly menangani kehilangannya. sebulan selepas kematian, pada hari lahirnya, Holly menerima suprise birthday cake... bersama surat, kedua2nya dari suami yang telah pergi..

cintanya suami pada isteri.. since he knew that he was dying, the hubby wrote letters for her and carefully planned that the letters would reach Holly every day. untuk menemani isteri menerima kehilangannya, dan menempuhi kehidupan baru tanpa suami di sisi. he even planned a holiday for Holly with her friends..

it was a romantic comedy, makes me smile and laugh and cry.. tapi tak cukup best. rating..3/5. biasa-biasa aje.

cuma.. kita terbayang, bagaimana kalau ia terjadi pada kita.. it wouldn't be easy.

teringat lagi, masa sekolah.. sering terfikir bagaimana kalau Tok Ayah tiba2 pergi.. dah jadi rutin, before bertolak ke asrama, mesti salam, peluk cium dengan Tok Ayah. tetapi the last time i left him.. kita terlewat, dalam kalut, terlupa untuk bersalam dengan Tok Ayah. masa dlm kereta, mentioned that to dad.. tapi ayah kata dah lambat. sewaktu Tok Ayah pergi, cuma kita yang tiada di sisi. semua yang lain pulang ke KB, tapi mereka lupa pada kita di Kuala Pilah. by the time they called me.. it was already too late. Tok Ayah passed away while i was trying to get permission from the warden utk balik. menangis sepanjang malam.. baca Yaasin dan Quran pun dalam sedu sedan. since i was supposed to have end semester exam the next day, my parents said i should wait sampai habis exam. lama jugak asyik bermimpi Tok Ayah..

facing a lost is not easy.. perlu kekuatan dan ketabahan, dan keimanan yang jitu.

the 'sickening' reason

am on leave today. a protest??

no. i don't really need this leave actually. tapi saje je nak cuti. am the only specialist in the department who have so many leaves not taken, sehingga berlebih2 utk di masukkan ke golden handshake scheme. kononnya utk kepentingan perkhidmatan. ahh.. (geleng kepala!). cukup laa.. tiada siapa yang menghargainya!

i think i finally got the answer to my question, yesterday. emo? NO. i had mixed feelings about it. anger, pain, hate, regret, sad, bitterness. but it was kinda.. funny too. KELAKAR..!! melatah?? NO. i believe everything happens for a reason. there must be something that the Almighty Allah wants me to learn from this. terkadang kita alpa. need to be rational, and look at it with wisdom. no matter how hard for me to accept it. the cut is real deep inside.. and it bleeds.

honestly, i don't feel like talking to that person anymore. don't even want to see that face, or listen to that voice. allergic. hatred might be the correct word. forgive me if it sounds harsh, just couldn't help it. that's how i felt. no forgiveness.. not at this moment.

and it makes me real sad and feel so bad, coz i am a person who love peace. and my heart is so full of love for the people around me. siapalah kita di sisiNya untuk membenci dan tidak memaafkan seorang makhluk lain..

and i also feel so bad, coz a friend who is really close to my heart, whom i really care about, became victimized by the sickening 'reason'. it's so unfair. i just couldn't accept it.

but life goes on.. and i still have to see that face, and listen to that voice. but that's life.. so long as you live and work, you will be misunderstood; to that you must resign yourself once and for all.

the real test of courage is much quieter, ...like standing alone when you're misunderstood!

but i know i'm not alone. help me, o' Allah..

mother's day

last sunday afternoon, i got a suprised mother's day gift from hanif. aahh.. so sweet. he has been talking about mother's day since 1st of May. though the gift is nothing expensive, i accepted it with so much love. its the thoughts that count. hanif told me he paid the deposit on thursday to book the gift. the remaining amount was paid-off when he collected it. sofea was smiling from ear to ear.

after all the embracing, hugging and kissing, i asked sofea - cikgu cakap tak hari ni hari apa? she replied - mmm... hari ahad! haha.. sofea.. so cute as ever. yesterday morning, she called me from school and said - ummi, cikgu cakap hari ni selamat hari jadi ibu... semua-semua orang.. :)

happy mother's day!

don't speak