the 'sickening' reason

am on leave today. a protest??

no. i don't really need this leave actually. tapi saje je nak cuti. am the only specialist in the department who have so many leaves not taken, sehingga berlebih2 utk di masukkan ke golden handshake scheme. kononnya utk kepentingan perkhidmatan. ahh.. (geleng kepala!). cukup laa.. tiada siapa yang menghargainya!

i think i finally got the answer to my question, yesterday. emo? NO. i had mixed feelings about it. anger, pain, hate, regret, sad, bitterness. but it was kinda.. funny too. KELAKAR..!! melatah?? NO. i believe everything happens for a reason. there must be something that the Almighty Allah wants me to learn from this. terkadang kita alpa. need to be rational, and look at it with wisdom. no matter how hard for me to accept it. the cut is real deep inside.. and it bleeds.

honestly, i don't feel like talking to that person anymore. don't even want to see that face, or listen to that voice. allergic. hatred might be the correct word. forgive me if it sounds harsh, just couldn't help it. that's how i felt. no forgiveness.. not at this moment.

and it makes me real sad and feel so bad, coz i am a person who love peace. and my heart is so full of love for the people around me. siapalah kita di sisiNya untuk membenci dan tidak memaafkan seorang makhluk lain..

and i also feel so bad, coz a friend who is really close to my heart, whom i really care about, became victimized by the sickening 'reason'. it's so unfair. i just couldn't accept it.

but life goes on.. and i still have to see that face, and listen to that voice. but that's life.. so long as you live and work, you will be misunderstood; to that you must resign yourself once and for all.

the real test of courage is much quieter, ...like standing alone when you're misunderstood!

but i know i'm not alone. help me, o' Allah..