a beautiful mind

i need to believe that something extraordinary is possible..



i love watching movies. tapi tak semua movies tu elok. i'm quite selective in watching movies. among all the movies that i've watched... the ones that i like most are... Forest Gump, A Beautiful Mind, Avatar, Stepmom, Shawshank Redemption, the Bucket List... and i still wish to watch the Rainman (sampai sekarang tak jumpa rainman). all these movies touched me deeply. beautiful and fullfilling.

it took me nine years to watch A Beautiful Mind. dulu cari cd pirate tak jumpa. now cari cd ori pun susah nak jumpa. finally downloaded it from the net.

beautiful mind memang best. sangat best. memang layak dapat best picture and best director award. and i personally believe russell crowe really deserved the best actor award, though he did not win it.

it was based on a real story of Prof John Nash, who is a genius. he came from a humble background and has the obsession to become the best. the story began after he was accepted to princeton university to learn mathematics.

John has an a-social personality, he's not good at socializing and had few friends. the only person who could really get close to him was his roomate, Charles, his sole companion through-out college, his only best friend.

he didn't really attend the classes which he believed can destroy the potential for authentic creativity. he's a nerd and people thought that he was weird. he was made a fool by his fellow classmates. he spent most of his time by himself and learnt most of things through observation, which he believes would give him original ideas. he was really obsessed in acquiring truly original ideas as the only was to distinguish himself, and it's the only thing that matters.

though having difficulty keeping up with the smart people there, his dreams finally came true.. it was an achievement of a lifetime. he got good job and was well respected. finally met a girl, Sylvia, who found him interesting, and married her. she was his student.

problems started when he was approached by an agent for the department of defense. his expertise is needed by the country to reading and breaking codes. his life was a mess since then. he lost grip on reality and things went beyond limit. his performance at work deteriorated and he became so paranoid and insecure.

the truth only reveals when the expert came in. he never really had a roomate. and the task for the dept of defense never exists. the roomate and the agent was only his hallucination, and he was deluded by his belief that his expertise is needed by the dept of defense. another person that never exist was a little girl who was a niece to the roomate. he really loves the little girl and the girl stays in his house. John Nash was institutionalized for schizophrenia.

treatment was not easy. life was difficult. the drugs for schizophrenia changed a man's life. his marriage life was on a rocking boat. but he was lucky to have a wife with a beautiful heart. who help him find his way back, who believes that something extraordinary is possible. he also found his way back with the help of his old rival in college, who was then the dean in princeton. he was allowed to be in the university to familiarize himself with the things he used to do, as part of therapy. he spent most of his time in the library and with the student.

though the three characters in his hallucination never really go away, he managed to ignore them. he worked up his mind and finally won a Nobel prize in economics.

the story touched me deeply, and it taught me a lot about life and appreciate the beautiful life i have. wonderful scriptwriting, excellent directing, brilliant acting, beautiful scenes... made me smile, laugh and cried. John Nash gave me goose-bumps.

"perhaps it is good to have a BEAUTIFUL MIND, but an even greater gift is to discover a BEAUTIFUL HEART"

seeing is believing

The most pathetic person in the world is someone who has sight, but has no vision - Hellen Keller

14th Oct 2010 - the World Sight Day.

15th Oct 2010 - The White Cane Day.

dah lima tahun kami sambut World Sight Day, tapi tiada yang meninggalkan kesan semendalam yang saya rasai khamis lalu.

buat julung2 kalinya, sambutan world sight day kali ini melibatkan golongan yang sememangnya patut mendapat perhatian.. tetapi seringkali dilupakan. golongan cacat penglihatan.

alhamdulillah, kemunculan wakil Society of the Blind, Malaysia ke jabatan kami beberapa bulan yang lalu telah mencetuskan kerjasama ini. walau tidak dapat melihat sejelas kita yang normal, pemikiran dan pendapat mereka jelas punya visi yang jitu.

mulanya saya bukanlah sebahagian dari urusetia tetapi ditugaskan untuk radio-talk sahaja. atas beberapa sebab, saya juga diminta menyediakan questionnaire utk golongan cacat penglihatan ini. buntu juga, sehingga saya berfikir2, agaknya dalam bentuk apakah borang soalselidik ini boleh menjadi berguna? bukan hanya size font yang sepatutnya saya gunakan, malah saya terfikir adakah saya perlu meminta terjemahan ke bentuk braille? atau kami perlu menerumah secara lisan..

nyata.. kita cenderung mencipta alasan bila tidak sepenuh hati menerima tugasan. ikhlaskan niat... dan saya menghargai teman saya, Laila, yang walau usianya jauh lebih muda, sudah sekian lama menjadi pilihan saya berkongsi rasa dan pandangan. alhamdulillah, soalselidik berjaya dihasilkan, dan kini saya dalam proses menganalisanya.

selasa lalu, saya dan Presiden, Society of the Blind Malaysia, cawangan Terengganu telah dijemput untuk bercakap di Radio Terengganu. slot 30 minit itu sebenarnya terlalu singkat untuk bercakap tentang kebutaan baik dari aspek perubatan , mahupun untuk menekankan kepentingan persatuan dalam memperjuangkan hak mereka yang dipinggirkan. tapi saya berharap kami telah dapat sedikit sebanyak membuka mata mereka yang celik dan memberi kesedaran tentang masalah kebutaan.

kemuncak world sight day adalah sambutannya khamis lalu. YB dan pengarah kesihatan negeri menjadi jemputan khas untuk majlis perasmian. tetapi yang lebih menjadi jemputan khas pada saya adalah kanak2 cacat penglihatan dari dua buah sekolah, orang2 buta dari perkampungan Taman Rahmat, dan pesakit low vision yang mendapat rawatan di hsnz.

khamis lalu hari yang menginsafkan buat saya..

pagi2 lagi hati saya sudah sayu melihat mereka. menyentuh hati dan perasaan. sukarnya mereka bergerak di tempat yang asing sedangkan kita melangkah penuh gaya. teraba2 mereka untuk makan sedangkan kita adakala menerkam kelaparan dan seringkali menjuihkan bibir melihat hidangan yang tidak memberangsangkan. dan saat kita senyum dan ketawa melihat tayangan multimedia, mereka hanya diam, terpinga2 tertanya2 kenapa orang ketawa. dan saya ternyata tidak dapat mengawal manik2 jernih mengalir laju sewaktu tayangan khas dan persembahan oleh pihak Society of the Blind.

dek kerana hati yang mudah tersentuh, saya khuatir tidak dapat menjalankan tugas sebagai pengerusi/moderator forum "Persiapan Menghadapi Kebutaan - Esok Masih Ada" dengan baik. tetapi atas dasar professionalisme, tugasan diteruskan.

saya kagum dan sangat memandang tinggi salah seorang panelist, En Mah Hassan Omar, Presiden Persatuan Orang2 Cacat Anggota Malaysia, amat menyerlah dan berkarisma. walau tidak dapat melihat, beliau peguam berjaya dan melanjutkan pelajaran hingga ke luar negara, berkali2 menjuarai kejuaraan Chess peringkat Asia (dan mengalahkan mereka yang celik), bertahun2 berkhidmat di Bursa Saham Kuala Lumpur, sebelum membuka syarikat sendiri. bercakap dari pengalaman sendiri, ternyata mudah memukau audiens. bicaranya jujur dari hati..

dan saya tidak menyangka forum itu akan menjadi hangat dengan berbagai isu dan persoalan. jelas, walau umumnya audiens kami mereka yang tidak dapat melihat, fikiran mereka tajam.. pandangannya bernas dan adakala terselit kritikan tajam. kalau saya menjadi wakil dari JKM, rasanya tak senang duduk juga. mujurlah, Pengarah JKM juga bukan calang2 orangnya.

dan di situ, saya merasa kerdil. walau kononnya doktor2 yang berada di situ adalah pakar-pakar, kita sebenarnya hidup dalam dunia dan kelompok kita yang kecil. siapa katak di bawah tempurung sebenarnya?

benarlah... ranjau dan duri membentuk jati diri. kapayahan, kesusahan dan keupayaan untuk berdiri sama tinggi dengan mereka yang normal ternyata membuat mereka semua lebih berkeperibadian dan berketrampilan... mungkin bukan dari segi rupa dan pakaian, tetapi pemikiran dan kebijaksanaan berkata2.

saya juga terharu atas kesudian adik Anuar yang sanggup datang dari Temerloh untuk bersama2 kami khamis lalu. beliau kini melanjutkan pelajaran di MSU dalam jurusan sains berkaitan perubatan sebagai pelajar out campus. walau memiliki keputusan SPM yang baik, beliau tidak dapat melanjutkan pengajian ke IPTA. beliau mempersoalkan diskriminasi terhadap golongan kurang upaya dalam merebut peluang pendidikan.

forum itu saya rasa akan lebih bermakna jika ada wakil dari Jabatan Pelajaran, pihak Suruhanjaya Perkhidmatan Awam dan mungkin YB sendiri. isu2 yang ditimbulkan tidak banyak berkisar kepada bidang perubatan tetapi merangkumi aspek pendidikan, perkhidmatan dan kepentingan sosial OKU.

pada hari itu, saya merasa diri dicelikkan golongan kurang upaya. dan saya terkenang kata2 Robert Burton - a dwarf standing on the shoulders of a giant may see farther than a giant himself..

wishful thinking..

how i wish..

• I will be happy. this assumes that what Abraham Lincoln said is true, that "most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." happiness is from within; it is not a matter of externals.
• I will try to adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will take my family, my career, and my luck as they come and fit myself into them.
• I will take care of my body. I will exercise it, care for it, nourish it, not abuse it nor neglect it, so that it will be a perfect machine for my bidding.
• I will try to strengthen my mind. I will learn something useful. I will not be a mental loafer. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.
• I will exercise my soul in three ways: I will do somebody a good turn, and not get found out. I will do at least two things I don't want to do, just for exercise.
• I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, dress as becomingly as possible, talk low, act courteously, be liberal with praise, criticise not at all, nor find fault with anything and not try to regulate nor improve anyone.
• I will try to live through this day only, not to tackle my whole life problem at once. I can do things for 12 hours that would appall me if I had to keep them up for a lifetime.
• I will have a program. I will write down what I expect to do every hour. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it. It will eliminate two pests - hurry and indecision.
• I will have a quiet half-hour all by myself and relax. I will think of God, so as to get little more perspective into my life.
• I will not be afraid, especially I will not be afraid to be happy, to enjoy what is beautiful, to love, and to believe that those I love, love me..