slept late.. for the past few days. felt so groggy in the morning. macam budak2 tak nak bangun gi sekolah, that was how i felt.. really not looking forward to work.
standing in front of my opened closet, wandering what to wear for the day. took out my black blouse and pants, and a matching tudung. hmm.. tak elok cam gini, need to cheer up, pakai baju kurung baru! ada rasa happy? tak jugak..
took sofea to school. bila salam and kiss sofea goodbye, rasa sungguh sayu and sedih. sofea pulak duk bye2 tak henti2. it was so touching, but need to move on.
keluar dari sekolah sofea, nearly knocked a motorbike at a T-junction. bengang betul muka that man, jeling kita semacam je. mesti dia kutuk giler perempuan kecik bawak kereta besar. lantak la.. tak kuasa nak layan. keluar junction jalan pusara, traffic light merah. lambat. jalan clear je kita terus keluar. masuk jln sultan mahmud, ikut blkg wira hitam. alahai... kenapa la sehaluan?? teramat la slow nye pakcik tu drive. cannot overtake, so many cars. tetiba teringat ayah.. terus hilang rasa geram. sabar je..
ward round was okay. but as i was finishing, my superior came and biasala.. ada je yang yak kena. i cannot wait for her, have students waiting for me. so i walked out, and joined the students.
being naughty me.. memang suka kenakan students. haha.. pity that sweet girl with a pony-tail, sampai merah muka.. nasib baik tak nangis. but i cooled down, cracked jokes and stopped asking questions. they wouldn't be able to answer pun.. so dari merosakkan mood sendiri, its better for me to just teach.
missed my breakfast. the clinic was as usual... many patients. a friend make a really hurting statement. it was said in a joking way, but still, it hurts. in this kind of 'weather'.. anything pun sound cynical and sarcastic. and when it comes from someone considered as a friend.. the cut is felt like a stab.
life goes on.. alhamdulillah, i think am much better with the patients nowadays. just don't let things berserabut, and do not disturb me with unnecessary things. i prefer to do a thing at a time. i can easily loose focus nowadays, hence no multitasking.
out of the blue, 'she' called and started blabbering. i listened and gave a short answer. hung up.
lunch at pak awi. lucky day, pak awi belanja side dishes. no appetite. ratah ikan bilis je.
the afternoon was not so good either. but managed to stay calm. settled few things at office. cleared my messy table. alone.. stay by myself... felt like crying. finally decided to do what i should have done long time ago.
no looking back. no regret. final. help me God..
decision is a risk rooted in the courage of being free..
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