let go, let it be..

let go - the word i used most while playing volleyball. whenever i think the coming ball should be mine, i will just shout 'let-go' and my team-mates will leave the ball to me. all of us used it. it was well understood.

let it be - a wonderful song by the beatles, composed by sir paul mc cartney. it's an evergreen song. you tube it if you want to listen to it.

the week was not so good. after some quiet moment, this week has been quite heated up. i was mad with the students on monday bcoz they were late. nasib baik student yang present tu kelakar, innocent giler sampai buat i nak tergelak. dapatlah cool down before turun clinic.

tuesday was worse. i was in ot for 5 elective cataract cases. in the middle of the third case, i was informed that there is an emergency case. the informer told me to finish-up my cases fast, so that they can call the case fast. fine, no problem, i'll finish-up all the cases fast and continue with the emergency case even though i was not on-call. however i was over-ruled, in my ot, on my ot day! feels like being stabbed from behind. i cannot accept it when people simply take advantage on me just bcoz i tak cakap banyak. and no one really explained to me how bad that case was. when i finally got to see the patient, it was really bad. and i had to cancel my other elective case. geram, there was communication breakdown. the GA people was listening to the person outside the OT instead of me! i was really heated up, but able to cool down once i started doing the case. after all, its for the patients' benefit. managed to finished the case by five, i chose to skip the routine passing over. but keluar je pintu OT dah nampak ada kereta blocked my car. sempat jugak tinggal loveletter kat that car. nasib baik when the owner came, its someone i know, so tak jadi marah.

wednesday - someone parked in my space, even though it was still not eight. hai.. pagi-pagi lagi dah panas. while in the ward, the person called me and asked me to move my car bcoz she needs to go out. that easy, eh! nasib baik tak kena sembur as she was kind enough to apologize. was also mad at the MOs sebab benda basic pun tak tahu. buat kerja at spinal level. not thinking.

thursday - the students never learn, they were late again! then the meeting - oklah, the person who likes to talk tak cakap banyak. an issue was raised, but the superiors chose not to listen to suggestions. so?? si luncai terjun dengan labu-labunya, biarkan, biarkan! after lunch, we planned a session with the MOs. again, not punctual and keep other people waiting, tak pasal2 i marah semua orang. and the everlasting passing over... why can't we make it short and sweet?

after picking-up hanif from transit center, we went to maybank. out of 4, only 2 CDM functioning. entah manusia manalah banyak sangat duit and buat transaction, sampai lebih 30 minit tu dia sorang je guna machine tu. have mercy, man! can't you see the growing line behind you? when i finally can get to the machine, it just wouldn't accept my money. the transaction was not allowed. i nak bayar kereta, bank tak nak terima. dah attempted maybank2u twice pun failed. wasting my time! called hubbyby, nak mengadu, but... kenapalah hari ni semua orang tak nak jawab phone? sakit hati betul! he returned my call while i was driving, sorry, the call was ignored!

back home, sofea told me she poo-poo in her pants. ahh... bilalah nak hujan? the weather is too hot and affecting everyone. performed my prayers and recited the holy book. solace. peace.

let go, just let go, don't let it bottle-up inside you. just let go, and forget it. for the things beyond your control, let it be!

i am not a perfect person. there are many things i wish i didn't do. but i continue learning. i've found a reason for me to change the person i used to be. a reason to start over new. help me, God.

SOFEA is FOUR!

i should have made this entry earlier, but was quite busy with the kids and work.

May 11 - the day sofea was born 4 years ago. elective caesaerian section for unstable lie. she was different from hanif. since i was sectioned, stayed in the hospital for a few days. and sofea was really difficult to handle, esp at night. asyik nangis je. biasalah, mula2 tu breast milk tak banyak, kesian sofea lapar. hanif was really a good baby, tidur je malam kat spital lepas delivered, cuma i je yang pitam 2 kali.

sofea was really excited on her birthday. when i returned from work, tiba-tiba dia buka pintu and shout "surprise! hari ni birthday sofea", hehe.. macamlah orang tak tahu. tapi kesian dia, we were too busy, and i always sampai rumah dah dekat pukul 6. rushing nak kejar waktu asar, terlupa nak beli cake for her. my hubbyby pula biasalah, always balik lewat. i suruh gak dia balik awal and bought a cake at secret recipe.

sofea was really happy with the cake, senyum sampai ke telinga. sampai sepet mata senyum when we sang happy birthday to her. seronoknnya jadi kids... missed that moments.

at four, sofea hasn't attended school. we planned to register her at An-Nur earlier, but we were too busy sampai lupa nak register end of last year. kesian sofea. may be bcoz we have a maid at home, jadi tak de risau sangat. then, ingat nak hantar starting april, tapi my hubbyby suddenly has shortage of staffs and became even busier, so tertunda lagi. hopefully, june ni she will be in school.

sofea ni manja sangat, and a little bit bossy bcoz tak de adik and orang duk layan dia sangat2. lasak coz asyik main ngan abang. kaki tv sampai astro rtu dia yang control. kalau tgk PHDC sampai boleh speaking cam Ammar tak pe jugak, ni tidak, asyik tukar tu translated version.

a mother always wants the best for her children, so do i. i hope she can become a wonderful, obedient, successful girl.

i love you, girl.

thank you, son!

ahhh... it was so SWEET!

i woke up to see my lovely son, hanif, standing next to my bed with a rose in one hand. "selamat hari ibu!" he said, with a beaming smile. he hugged me and put a kiss on both sides of my cheeks. what more can i say...? boleh tahan gak romantic anak ummi, bertuah sape jadi menantu ummi. i was really touched. luv you, son.

he has been excited about it for the past few days. he asked me again last night, to confirm that today is mother's day. when i said yes, dia tunjuk muka sedih and said "alaa... hadiah tak beli lagi". i was reading a book to sofea at that time and didn't look up to him. agaknya dia takut i terasa, cepat2 dia cakap, "sebenarnya dah beli!".

i don't expect gifts. it's the thoughts that counts. hadiah yang paling bermakna to me is when my children jadi anak2 yang soleh, hormat orang tua, berakhlak mulia, boleh tolong ummi n abah di kemudian hari, successful dunia akhirat. tolong jangan kecilkan hati ummi, please...

my hubbyby has returned home. as usual, dia tak ingat pun pasal mother's day and didn't say a word about it. why can't men be sensitive enough?

happy mother's day!

i used to get a self-made mother's day card from hanif when he was in kindergarden. even though tak secantik mana, it means a lot to me. i would get it magnetized to the fridge door for months. last year he gave me a red rose, cikgu yang ajar and jual kat sekolah. my hubbyby never gave me anything specifically for mother's day. not even a card. nak dapat mother's day wish pun, i kena mengada-ngada bagi hint. sedih tak? ntahlah... malas nak layan perasaan, rasa biasa je. he was not brought up to celebrate these kinds of days, not even birthdays. as a lady... sesekali kita nak juga rasa dihargai.

i would usually call my mom on this special day. sometimes i gave gifts, but not always. masa duduk KB dulu, i would visit my mom and bought a special cake or makan2, together with my sisters yang dulu stay in KB. sekarang none of us stays in kelantan. but since cuti sekolah selalunya end of may till early june, we usually celebrate it together with father's day masa cuti, bila ramai orang balik. then, we would have some special makan2 with cakes from secret recipe. ohh... kami memang suka makan cakes, mesti beli 3-5 biji, itu pun tak puas makan sebab kami ramai, and memang hantu cakes.

the mothers - mom, my siblings + era, mak su, my niece along@anne, and cousin wani.

kat rumah sendiri, i would usually buy myself a delicious cake ikut my taste sebab i yang nak makan. and i would also give myself a chocolate treat. semua yang lazat2 tu i sukalah - cakes, chocolate and ice cream.... mmmm heaven! selalunya celebrated together with sofea's birthday on may 11. kali ini, i would be on call on mother's day, and my hubbyby would be away for a reunion with his university's friends in KL. so, i won't be expecting anything special, as usual.

penting ke sambut hari ibu? to me, celebration tu tak delah penting sangat, but the thoughts that counts. i know my mom never expect special gifts, but our calls would be much appreciated. pernah satu kali tu, all of us gave our share and sent a florist to mom's house to deliver 2 bouquet of flowers. she was really touched.

what i like about mother's day - ada banyak movies yang best2 kat tv, which will usually be deeply touching, and will make me cry. ... ada orang pelik why i like to watch movies that make me cry. i don't know... may be bcoz in life banyak benda yang kita rasa and experience that cannot be shared with others, and when we watch it in movies, we feel it so close to us, dekat di hati, and we are not alone. you relieved yourself by crying, rasa lega. tak semestinya a sad cry, it can also be a joyful cry.

to my dear nieces and nephews, don't forget to call your moms on this special day. it means a lot to us. hugs and kisses would do wonders, and very much appreciated. your mothers have sacrificed a lot for you. never ever break their hearts. make them proud of you!

Mothers hold their children's hands for a short while, but their hearts forever.

happy mother's day! luv ya.

who is edi?

somebody asked me - who is that guy, edi? well, edi, tak pasal2 jadi popular... uwekk!

so, i asked edi whether i can put his photo in this blog. hehehe... i think he must have been gabra giler dapat that message. he ignored my text message! but at last, he said... bagilah! but i'll save the best for the last.

to those who are interested, this guy claims he is still single, but i never trust men. sometimes they say so, to test their popularity. tapi i tak naklah bagi bad impression about him, tak pasal2 rosak reputasi dia. i don't really know him pun, tapi nampak oklah...

tapi dia ada fantasi yang pelik2, such as, berangan nak nikah kat selatan thai, he thinks the pregnant ladies yang datang nak beranak kat spital tu cute-cute je. and ... he claims he likes married women! tapi yang muda-mudalah, those around his age. crazy kan? he is dangerous!

tapi, dia nampak cool je. sometimes appeared innocent, nerd and naive. tapi kepala dia boleh tahan jugak gile2 sebenarnya. maybe control ayu depan specialists je. he got his own temper, tapi so far masih terkawal, tak de yang over. biasalah... everybody has their own limits. got good sense of humour.

nampak rajin, responsible tapi tak tahulah kalau berlakon. does not appear to be anywhere near romantic. ego. helpful. appeared kind to the elderly. kekok ngan budak2. dressing - okaylah, tapi asyik pakai baju same je. kdg2 tak pandai matching baju ngan tie. lately ada nampak ok sikit, may be sebab selalu kena laser ngan i. but i think he got good taste, saje nak appear low profile.

may be that's about all. tak boleh puji lebih2, nanti dia naik tocang. dan inilah orangnya....

to see the true edi, you got to kiss this sun-basking frog.... and he'll turn to someone like this:

enjoy the week ahead. smile :)

p/s edi, may be you'll get a super hot pari-pari after this! perasanlah tu...