let go, let it be..

let go - the word i used most while playing volleyball. whenever i think the coming ball should be mine, i will just shout 'let-go' and my team-mates will leave the ball to me. all of us used it. it was well understood.

let it be - a wonderful song by the beatles, composed by sir paul mc cartney. it's an evergreen song. you tube it if you want to listen to it.

the week was not so good. after some quiet moment, this week has been quite heated up. i was mad with the students on monday bcoz they were late. nasib baik student yang present tu kelakar, innocent giler sampai buat i nak tergelak. dapatlah cool down before turun clinic.

tuesday was worse. i was in ot for 5 elective cataract cases. in the middle of the third case, i was informed that there is an emergency case. the informer told me to finish-up my cases fast, so that they can call the case fast. fine, no problem, i'll finish-up all the cases fast and continue with the emergency case even though i was not on-call. however i was over-ruled, in my ot, on my ot day! feels like being stabbed from behind. i cannot accept it when people simply take advantage on me just bcoz i tak cakap banyak. and no one really explained to me how bad that case was. when i finally got to see the patient, it was really bad. and i had to cancel my other elective case. geram, there was communication breakdown. the GA people was listening to the person outside the OT instead of me! i was really heated up, but able to cool down once i started doing the case. after all, its for the patients' benefit. managed to finished the case by five, i chose to skip the routine passing over. but keluar je pintu OT dah nampak ada kereta blocked my car. sempat jugak tinggal loveletter kat that car. nasib baik when the owner came, its someone i know, so tak jadi marah.

wednesday - someone parked in my space, even though it was still not eight. hai.. pagi-pagi lagi dah panas. while in the ward, the person called me and asked me to move my car bcoz she needs to go out. that easy, eh! nasib baik tak kena sembur as she was kind enough to apologize. was also mad at the MOs sebab benda basic pun tak tahu. buat kerja at spinal level. not thinking.

thursday - the students never learn, they were late again! then the meeting - oklah, the person who likes to talk tak cakap banyak. an issue was raised, but the superiors chose not to listen to suggestions. so?? si luncai terjun dengan labu-labunya, biarkan, biarkan! after lunch, we planned a session with the MOs. again, not punctual and keep other people waiting, tak pasal2 i marah semua orang. and the everlasting passing over... why can't we make it short and sweet?

after picking-up hanif from transit center, we went to maybank. out of 4, only 2 CDM functioning. entah manusia manalah banyak sangat duit and buat transaction, sampai lebih 30 minit tu dia sorang je guna machine tu. have mercy, man! can't you see the growing line behind you? when i finally can get to the machine, it just wouldn't accept my money. the transaction was not allowed. i nak bayar kereta, bank tak nak terima. dah attempted maybank2u twice pun failed. wasting my time! called hubbyby, nak mengadu, but... kenapalah hari ni semua orang tak nak jawab phone? sakit hati betul! he returned my call while i was driving, sorry, the call was ignored!

back home, sofea told me she poo-poo in her pants. ahh... bilalah nak hujan? the weather is too hot and affecting everyone. performed my prayers and recited the holy book. solace. peace.

let go, just let go, don't let it bottle-up inside you. just let go, and forget it. for the things beyond your control, let it be!

i am not a perfect person. there are many things i wish i didn't do. but i continue learning. i've found a reason for me to change the person i used to be. a reason to start over new. help me, God.