wishes for SERI

May 31st 1969 - it's my sisters's birthday today. Happy birthday Kak Ei!



The name is Saniah - but i call her Ei. i am the only one in the family who calls her by that name. tak tahu camana boleh mula, tapi since kami dua orang memang rapat (she is sister no. 7 and i am daughter no.8 ) and sentiasa bersama, that name memang lekat. the rest in the family call her Yah. the younger generations call her Seri. and she wants Along's son, Fird to call her Datuk Seri, hehe.. masa kecik, nama gelarannya "jambu penawar", bcoz bila dia nangis, her nose will be so pink and red like jambu air yang warna merah tu.

Apa yang unique about her? she is the only girl in the family who didn't go to ZS (zainab school) masa primary school. why? haha... ada ceritanya. when she was in standard one, we still lives in Kg Salor, and she and 2 other sisters were sent to the school there (tak tahu nape ayah tak hantar depa gi ZS terus). every morning, she (7) would walk to school together with our sisters Za (9) and Nadjee (10). tapi our sisters ni selalu jalan ngan kawan2 and left her behind. sebelum sampai that school, they would reach our grandmother's house. so oleh kerana dia boring jalan sorang2, she always melencong and went to the granny's house instead of going to school. yang peliknya, nenek tak marah pun. and she would sapu sampah and mainlah apa2 yang patut. bila orang balik sekolah, dia pun baliklah rumah. this lasted for few weeks until our parents knew about it. she didn't like school at that time. bila dia tak suka, dia akan masuk kelas k.za and stayed there. oleh kerana dia tak nak return to her class, k.za and couzin Mohd terpaksa sorok dia belakang pintu, or belakang almari. kelakar betul! i pun tak leh imagine camana dia boleh jadi that stubborn. but she was smart, ponteng kelas pun asyik dapat no.1 je. so, the next year, when we moved to taman guru, she was sent to the school with my mom. so, dia tak delah glamer cam kami yang sekolah kat ZS. sorry, jangan marah!

Masa kecik2, kami memang rapat. almost semua benda sama. baju memanglah sama, cuma color je beza. entah kenapa, i selalu dapat warna merah, and she always got blue. dalam rapat, kita macam rival, kalau ngaji quran, i cukup jealous kalau dia dapat baca ayat baru or masuk juzuk baru lebih cepat dari i, cukup jealous kalau k.za nak tidur ngan dia tapi tak nak tidur ngan i, tapi tak pernah gaduh besar. masa kecik, kak ei cukup seronok bila kami gi jalan2, semua orang akan kata i ni kakak and she is adik. why? because she is smaller than me, and thinner. masa tu, i harap dapat jadi kurus cam dia, kalau pakai jeans nampak cantik je..

lepas tu i masuk mrsm kuantan, and she went to mrsm seremban. kamilah generasi yang dah tak pergi oversea, belajar kat KL je. she went to UM, wanted to do dentistry but ended up doing physics. She is a physics teacher now. did her masters in physics, but still teaching in normal school. last year was involved in the national robotic competition, sorry yek, you tak menang. tak pe next year boleh try lagi.

we have a lot in common. we listen to the same kind of songs, sama2 turn crazy every morning time semester break sambil kemas rumah, time che' and ayah gi kerja. cuba macam2 resipi bila kita kena jadi cook kat rumah time cuti. ingat tak che' beli kita ayam seekor seorang untuk kita belajar siang ayam before she left us pergi mekah? macamlah kita tak pandai, padahal saje je buat tak pandai sebab malas. we enjoy watching movies and imitating the dialogues and the way they act. suka main computer games dan berebut computer zaman sekolah2 dulu. kita main 'Nyet' sampai sembahyang pun macam nampak je image tu kat sejadah. main dig-dug sampai berebut ngan nuha yang masa tu still kecik lagi, nampak sangat kita tak matured.

now she controls the PS2 in her home. she is the record holder for most of the games. and when i went to her house in Kulim last december, dalam banyak2 benda, dia tertunggu2 i datang, untuk main PS2 dengan I, nak lawan... tapi mana sempat, time cuti, mesti anak2 conquer. bila kita boleh nak lawan lagi yek?

in a way, i do miss you, sis. after you get married, everything changed. of course, we have our own committments and obligations. but, honestly, i tak pernah rasa we grow old. to me, we are still the same. bezanya may be bcoz you dah dapat title hajjah. tapi kepala kita masih sama, still cam gitu jugak.

but i never thought you can really jadi pandai buat cake, may be bcoz you dah tak de kerja sangat sejak ada maid. tak pe, nanti i dah masuk rumah baru, i will do the same thing. i pun nak jugak give good memories to my children, bake cakes and home-made bread for them and buat kuih petang2 cam che' selalu buat kat kita. nanti you ajar i ye!

i wish you happiness and many happy returns. May abg Ma makes you happier (sampai sekarang i jealous bila ingat abg ma presented you with a bouquet of flowers after you delivered). May imran, amir, irfan the prof and wafi be the best of children, i know they are all smart and brilliant. jangan dera anak you ngan tuition sangat, let them enjoy their childhood!.

i know you love ronan keating's when you say nothing at all, but i prefer to put a song that is close to us zaman kita single dulu. i think we both like rod stewart and i'm sure this song will bring some wonderful memories to you. enjoy it, on your birthday!

i luv you, now, then and forever. miss you!

clash of the titans

tired. but cannot sleep.

woke up early this morning, to watch the glory MU fighting the superb barcelona in champions league final. hmm... not a good game, disappointing as a finale performance. geram pun ada. barca was not that good either. i would say that the match was quite boring.

MU started well, but barca dominated the game after eto' scored the first goal. a good footballer must not only know how to pass the ball, but make a strategic move. they were playing safe. poor passing. infact MU macam takut2. geram tengok anderson. fergie should have substituted him with tevez earlier, tapi tunggu gak sampai 2nd half. ronaldo was trying hard to show that he is the best player, but last night was just not his. rooney, park and giggs was not helping much. even ferdinand pun was not as good. yang nampak kerja keras sikit cuma o'shea and carrick. on the other hand, i love to see messi, eto' and puyol. they played well. so did henry. yang lain2 biasa je.

losing 2-0, biasa je. tak delah teruk sangat. tapi it was not a good fight. itu yang tak puas.t hey should have worn the red jersey instead of white, baru betul RED DEVILS. nampak muka fergie frust je. sia2 je prince william gi rome, the english team didn't played well. ironynya, 3 english teams went to semifinals but none succeeded in winning it. messi came-out as the top-scorer, followed by steven gerrard (the reds) and miroslav klose (bayern munich).

at work, somebody appeared macam nak cari pasal with me. yesterday, he parked in my space dari pagi. so, i just blocked his car, sampai petang. i have the right to do so, it is my parking space. haha... hari ni dia nak balas dendam. elok je i parked in my space, and dengan beraninya dia gi block my car. i don't know who that person is. may be he didn't know the place was specified to me. isk... geram. nasib baik by lunch time dia dah alihkan kereta dia, kalau tak memang dia saja nak cari pasal...

hanif fell at school. but he didn't call me or hubbyby. only noticed it petang tadi, bila pick him from the transit center. dahlah hari ni he was supposed to recite the doa for satu majlis. kesian dia, baca doa dalam kepala benjol and lebam. the kakak at the center should have called any of us, ini tidak, tak letak ubat pun ...

going back to KB tomorrow. planned nak cuti sampai monday, but i have to cancell my leave on sunday as a visiting specialist is coming from selayang hospital. tak sedap hati pula nak tinggal klinik when i was supposed to be incharged. kesian anak2, tak boleh stay lama kat KB. lepas ni dah tak boleh cuti sampai habis cuti sekolah. mungkin kami tak sempat jumpa sape2 pun cuti ni, coz orang lain semua balik lewat. wedding invitations kat KB pun tak leh nak attend, tak sedap hati juga as yang kenduri tu cousins.

kadang2 terfikir juga, kalau kita tak attend majlis orang, esok2 ada ke orang nak attend majlis kita? life is just like a wheel. bola pun bulat juga!

feels a little gloomy today.

need some cheering-up? let's watch this video. i saw it for the first time on nuha's blog "tale to tell", uploaded by her friend, zen. tak tahu kenapa, watching this reminds me a lot about my primary schooldays in ZS dulu. this took place at a train station in belgium.



don't you think it's cool? :)

an eventful day

lately, i only write during the weekends. but i feel like writing today. so layan jelah ye...

hari ni, pagi2 lagi kena marah, sob..sob.. :( semua stop-cock water piping yang naik ke main tank rosak, and my hubbyby was 'bengang'. air mencurah2 keluar from tank. membazir. kita pulak yang kena...

then, jari sofea tersepit pintu kereta, masa nak gi hantar hanif to school. ohh... it breaks my heart to see my girl cried in pain. but she was such a strong girl. she chose to bear the pain semata2 utk hantar abg to school rather than kena tinggal kat rumah and letak ubat. kita jugak yang kena.... :( pergi kerja pun lewat sikit. our usual goodbye routine pun dia buat macam terpaksa je.

baru start kerja, a cousin called, his daughter fainted in school and was sent to casualty. so kenalah melaksanakan tanggungjawab sosial. she was warded since it was a repeated fainting attack. she is a best student at school, and is stressed out to face the exam. was expected to get 12As. kesian budak2 sekarang... went to visit her after work, was told that the doctors are thinking of a heart problem, quite a rare syndrome. tak pelah, rehat je lah.

balik petang tadi, sofea ok je. boleh keluar main ngan kawan2. the affected finger is slightly swollen and the nailbed became purplish. mildly tender. hubbyby still looking for a new charger for my phone. ntah bandaraya apalah KT ni, accessories utk HTC or O2 pda phone pun tak de. harap2 dia boleh dapatlah malam ni. otherwise i have to use my old phone, seganlah asyik pinjam charger orang.

it was an eventful day... need to let it go, and just enjoy the show!

my dream home

one of my friends just moved into her new house, a grand one. another friend just started the construction. 2 houses in front of my house are under renovation. a new house under construction near my housing area. i also like to browse thru houseplans in the net, and buy ID mags, dari zaman students dulu2 lagi.

rasa macam nak buat rumah jugak. sungguh. besides the house in KB, i have one under construction, at the moment. tapi, beli rumah project tak sama ngan buat sendiri. the excitement is different. masa buat rumah dulu, i was really involved in so many things... sampai rasa nak jadi contractor kejap. walaupun the house was not up to my expectation, bukannye banyak duit sangat masa tu. beli rumah project ni, you kena terima jelah... tak boleh nak buat ikut suka. nak renovate, kena tunggu dapat CF dulu. lambat.

what would my dream home be? as i came from a big family, the house need to be spacious enough for us. it doesn't have to be grand, but spacious. kalau boleh nak rumah single storey je, malas nak naik tangga bila dah tua2 esok. tapi kalau rumah setingkat, mesti tanah luas, baru boleh dapat rumah besar. tanah sekarang mahal. so rasanya kena buat rumah at least double storey juga.

i need a big living, dining, family area and kitchen. i prefer an open kitchen with family dining, in which i can overlook the family area from where i'm working in the kitchen. hehe... macamlah rajin nak masak! rasa lebih cosy, you can always communicate with family members while in the kitchen, macam dapur mat salleh gitu. but of course i will need a separate wet kitchen for the heavy cooking. the kitchen must be well equipped with the facilities and electrical gadgets to ensure that it can help me being a better cook!

the living and formal dining must have french doors and big windows overlooking the garden, with access to the patio and garden. there must also be facilities for BBQ. my family loves to eat, we like to barbecue. so, there must also be outdoor dining area with simple outdoor furnitures. this place should also be accessible to the family area and kitchen.

the family area should be cosy enough for us to spend most of our time together. it would be the "center" of the house, where most activities take place, besides the kitchen.

how many rooms do i need? will decide later. at least a room for everyone, a guest room and a few more. where should my room be? may be kat bawah. it should be something like this:

i prefer big windows, and i like to open the windows so that the outdoor feels closer to you. i like to see the greens. it must have a walk-in wardrobe, which would organize all our belongings and serves as the dressing room as well. if possible i would like a working corner, but i shouldn't be bringing work home! a cosy loveseat for us to cuddle up while watching tv is a must. my children's bedroom will be furnished up to their taste, taking consideration of their needs for growing up.

all the bathrooms must have partition for the shower and toilets. i don't like wet bathrooms, cepat kotor. it must have good natural lighting and ventilation too. how many bathrooms? depends on how many bedrooms i have, and one for the guests' use. i need a laundry room, with a big sink and platform to do the brushing of clothes, shoes etc. the washing machine would either be placed there or in the kitchen.

lain2... since i like to watch movies, may be i would have a special sound-proofed room equipped with the audiovisual system for us to enjoy movies. a study room with computers for us to work and the kids to study.

it should have a wonderfully landscaped garden. kalau boleh ada fishpond. may be a herbal, edible garden. macamlah tangan i ni pandai nak bercucuk tanam. but i really love the greens. environmentalist lah kiranye.

ID concept? dulu2 suka english theme. tapi sekarang dah tak minat lagi. i prefer something simple with clean lines. minimalist but elegant. less is more. tak de perabut berkerawang. kalau ada ukir2 pun mesti sikit2 je.

sounds ambitious? ntahlah... anak dua orang je, buat apa i fikir nak buat rumah besar2. my family members bukannya boleh selalu visit i pun. 6 orang dah settle kat KL/selangor/nilai, may be sorang lagi pun nak duk sana gak. one in kedah/perak. one in terengganu. i nak buat rumah kat mana ni? haha... may be KT kut, already got a piece of land somewhere in chendering.

beranganlah anita! khayalan menjelma.... bilakah boleh menjadi kenyataan? when my hubbyby agrees with my proposal. cukup duit ke? entahlah... may be kena jual one of the houses. tengoklah camana... kena jimat cermat sikit.

as a homely person, a nice and cosy home is a need. after all the hardwork, i think i deserve it. home sweet home.

lovebug

dedicated to all. luv ya.

watched american idol last nite. hmmm... not as good as 2008 punye. it was between adam lambert and kris allen. as mentioned earlier, i go for kris. actually kris ni, suara tak delah sedap mana. dia biasa2 je. tapi his aura yang buat dia boleh masuk final. kita ni biasalah... suka yang kita nampak ada outstanding character. he was being himself, not overdoing it, not trying too hard to look good, humble and down to earth. oleh sebab itu his performance last nite was... to me, biasa je. too laidback to be a finale performance.

both of them sang 3 songs. kris sang while playing the piano for the first song, sang with his guitar for the second song and sang by himself in the third song. for a finale performance, i would say, i'm a little bit disappointed. but he was his usual kris. on the other hand, adam appeared to be doing his best last nite. yup, he has a great voice, but it became annoying when he started screeching his voice. tau la he can do the high notes well, but oh... please don't over do it. menyampah tengok nak menjerit je in each song. again, to me... the finale performance was biasa2 je. far from david cook and david archuletta last year, which was very entertaining and exciting.

since i watched it on 8TV, sebenarnya, i ni ketinggalan sikit. the result will be out on 8TV tonite. but for those who watched it live, result dah keluar. and the winner or the new american idol is.... KRIS ALLEN! well, good for you kris. looking at adam, his potential is far bigger than the 'american idol' title itself, so it depends on both of them how to make use of their potential and talents.

samalah cam AF baru2 ni. in the final performance, Akim (yang i suka) did far better than the rest, but he only managed to get the third place. Hafiz the winner, has a wonderful voice, but that is all, he was not creative enough in his performance, quite boring. Aril who won the second place was quite okay, he was really charming and have a unique husky voice too. but i still think akim did far better.

ahh... you should watch the official 'lovebug' music video by jonas brothers. and listen to the strings arrangements. i really think these guys are good.

now i'm speechless over the edge, i'm just breathless

i never thought that i'd catch this lovebug again

hopeless, head over heels in the moment

i never thought i'd get hit by this lovebug again

till later days... (ida, does that sound familiar?)

i love my life

don't know what's wrong with me. yesterday, i returned from work with a strange feeling. nothing bad happened at work. kat rumah pun biasa je. but i returned home feeling empty! felt so down with no valid reason. confused. i didn't even have my evening tea. the currypuff and tea was left untouched.

luckily my sisters and nieces yang semuanya kepala giler2, have been posting crazy comments and remarks on our facebook forum. rajin betul depa ni semua. old pictures uploaded. bringing back nostalgic memories. my junior at work also left a wonderful message to me. i was really touched. no other can ever replace my wonderful sisters, and my few 'true' friends.

enuff bout that! life goes on... let the wind blows away all my doubts and worries.

this picture is so nostalgic, uploaded to facebook by my sis. it was taken in 1977, while i was 6 years old. i was the one in the red dress, sitting in between my mom and our late grandfather. my youngest sister, elly, was not yet born. it was the year we moved into our current home in taman guru. my hair was still long at that time. bila masuk standard one, terus potong pendek. hehe... kita dulu rambut contoh kat sekolah, neat, short and well kept. tapi bila masuk standard five, dah pandai simpan panjang sikit.

this one was taken in 1980, my dad posing with his 9 girls and one boy. dad was really fit, at 43, masih tegap. i was the one squatting in front, in black kurung (left). this was the last time all of us were around for raya. after that, one by one of my sisters started going abroad to further their studies, and it was only in 1988 or 1989, baru kami semua boleh kumpul semula all 10 of us for raya. itu pun, tak selalu, because bila dah kawin, kena raya rumah in-law.

we are a close-knit family. even though there is a wide gap between us, the younger ones and the senior ones, we really keep our relationship and bond strong. we respect each other, really take great care not to offend anyone in anything. we share our difficulties, secrets and joys. we never allowed sekelumit pun perasaan hasad in between us. even though now we only see each other about 4-5 times in a year, the emails and facebook keep us in touch.

i guess mom and dad have done a great job in bringing us up, and for turning us into what we are today. all of us are successful in our own ways. we do not see material accomplishments to denotes our success, but our achievement in studies and at work, as well as being able to keep ourselves as humble human beings. modesty is the best policy. the most important thing is to make both mum and dad happy, and enjoy the remaining years that they have. hopefully our future generation will do good to us as well.

real, reality..

kezutan! i can fit into my old jeans, zaman before kawin dulu! haha.. jangan jealous, tapi itulah realitynya. lately, i found all my pants dah tak sedap pakai, semua cam besar and jadi labuh. so does my baju kurung, sungguh tak selesa. so this morning, i keluarkan my old jeans yang i sayang sangat2 dulu, and cuba acu try test. and.... opps, muat and just nice. sukanye hati.... jealous my hubbyby!

like to watch reality shows? suka jugak. yang paling suka... amazing race, explorace. suka jugak tengok american idol, ANTM, OIAM, AF. tapi la ni dah jarang2 tengok, kecuali kalau sofea dah tidur.

last season punya american idol, memang i follow. masa tu kita minat david cook, and he won it. now, famous for his song - light on. last year final - 2 davids, cook and archuletta. tapi david cook lagi macho and original, ada attitude and character. archuletta suara memang sedap tapi gitu jelah... tak de yang extraordinary.

this year, memang tak follow, cuma sempat tengok massa top five. and i suka tengok Kris Allen. ntahlah, i love to see a man singing while playing a guitar, nampak macho, sexy and vulnerable at the same time. cute face. dia tak over, simple, selamba and didn't appear to be trying too hard. natural. sincere in his performance. jujur. dan, biasalah... yang i suka biasanya memang best. so Kris has won a place in the final, together with adam lambert. tak minat adam, walaupun suara power, tapi semacam je... over. so, next week kita tengok sape menang. rasanya susah kris nak menang sebab adam cam lagi ramai fans.

i pun ada jugak tengok AF, tapi kali ni tak tengok diary cam masa zaman mawi dulu. kali ni tengok konsert je. cuba teka i suka siapa? hehe... i like akim. budak ni tak delah macam bagus sangat, cam hafiz tu, tapi dia ada character dia sendiri. and he is tall, tone suara pun manly. suka tengok dia performed last week time dia nyanyi lagu 'i'm yours' and 'larut'. simple but nice and leaves an impact to the audience. malam ni final, rasanya hafiz menang.

baru2 ni sempat gak tengok OIAM, mula dari top five. i was surprised to see the transformation of Tomok. dulu, dia ni famous ngan newboyz, and asyik nyanyi lagu2 tangkap leleh. tak minat. tapi masa OIAM, he looks far more matured and charming and knows how to tackle the fans. paul moss yang susah nak puji orang tu, mesti puji tomok in each performance, sampai i pelik. betul ke paul moss ni? but, he was real good, deserved the i million he won.

lain2 reality show, i tak tengok. tapi banyak yang dah hilang taring. macam AF, rasanya masa paling best - AF2 and AF3. time mawilah yang orang gile2 sangat. lepas tu cam suam2 kuku je.

currently i like to listen to jason mraz - i'm yours, and jonas brothers - lovebug. tak pernah dengar? google or you tube it.

my nieces - calon2 akhir reality show

girls, ada tokoh ke jadi perempuan melayu terakhir? jangan marah!

entrapped

unique!

today we went back to besut. besides our regular monthly visit, my hubbyby needs a massage. few weeks ago, masa tolong baiki rumah his mom, he sprained the muscle at the back. sampai tak leh bangun. terus dapatkan khidmat pak cik tukang urut tu. its much better now, but masih ada rasa tak selesa. anyway, hajatnya tak kesampaian. the tukang urut was busy. men..., they never learn! buatlah appointment before balik, yang!

as for me, whenever balik sana, i need to bring along magazines or novel. today, i brought along my captain future, tapi tak guna pun bcoz no streamyx. malas nak guna dial-up, nanti kacau telephone line rumah tu. hmm... mati kutu jugak.

ada new family addition. Najmuddin, only 11 days of life. was born in johore and just brought to besut last 3 days. baiknya baby tu... jarang2 je dengar dia nangis. senanglah emaknya. hmm... hope adalah rezeki i pula.

besides new baby, ada baby kucing juga - kittens. 4 semuanya. hee... comel tapi geli! masa tengah baca paper, bila angkat kepala je, i was surrounded by 4 cats, mahunya tak menjerit! dahlah bilik yang i biasa guna tu occupied, susahnya nak melarikan diri dari kucing2 itu. masa makan pun asyik merayau2 di sekeliling. sungguh menakutkan!

finally, my SIL asked me to use her room. phew... lega! selamat. maka terperaplah i di situ. i had a good nap sampai boleh make me forget the pressing matter in my head. then i mula bersama cecelia ahern's thanks for the memories. cerita ni slow sikitlah, dah lama i mula baca tapi tak habis2 lagi sebab i cepat boring bila flow cerita tu slow sangat. dah masuk chapter 9 baru mula rasa sedap sikit. tu pun not good enuff to hook me up.

sampai rumah je, terus ingat ikan2 hanif. lately, i dah terlebih sayang pulak kat ikan2 tu. everytime i balik, all 4 of them akan berkumpul at one corner of the aquarium, minta i bagi makan. manja. i like to talk to them, and bahasakan diri i ummi. selang few hours, kalau i lalu kat aquarium tu mesti mintak makan lagi. kesian betul tengok ikan2 tu - comel, tapiterperangkap dalam aquarium, tak de benda2 exciting to be done, tak leh cari makan sendiri. poor fish! lagi kesian coz my hubby tak bagi kasi makan banyak2, nanti ikan tu cepat besar and lagi banyak makan. ntahlah, tak faham pula i, dah kita nak bela mestilah bagi makan betul2. jangan siksa binatang, tak baik.

moral of the story - freedom tu penting sebenarnya. being able to do what we like to do, to go where we want to go, to eat what we want to eat, to enjoy and to fulfill our lives.

trapped? - my nieces & nephews enjoying their holiday. (epi, jajja, tasneem, edd holding the phone, faris)

i believe i can fly, i believe i can reach the sky! cobalah...

let go, let it be..

let go - the word i used most while playing volleyball. whenever i think the coming ball should be mine, i will just shout 'let-go' and my team-mates will leave the ball to me. all of us used it. it was well understood.

let it be - a wonderful song by the beatles, composed by sir paul mc cartney. it's an evergreen song. you tube it if you want to listen to it.

the week was not so good. after some quiet moment, this week has been quite heated up. i was mad with the students on monday bcoz they were late. nasib baik student yang present tu kelakar, innocent giler sampai buat i nak tergelak. dapatlah cool down before turun clinic.

tuesday was worse. i was in ot for 5 elective cataract cases. in the middle of the third case, i was informed that there is an emergency case. the informer told me to finish-up my cases fast, so that they can call the case fast. fine, no problem, i'll finish-up all the cases fast and continue with the emergency case even though i was not on-call. however i was over-ruled, in my ot, on my ot day! feels like being stabbed from behind. i cannot accept it when people simply take advantage on me just bcoz i tak cakap banyak. and no one really explained to me how bad that case was. when i finally got to see the patient, it was really bad. and i had to cancel my other elective case. geram, there was communication breakdown. the GA people was listening to the person outside the OT instead of me! i was really heated up, but able to cool down once i started doing the case. after all, its for the patients' benefit. managed to finished the case by five, i chose to skip the routine passing over. but keluar je pintu OT dah nampak ada kereta blocked my car. sempat jugak tinggal loveletter kat that car. nasib baik when the owner came, its someone i know, so tak jadi marah.

wednesday - someone parked in my space, even though it was still not eight. hai.. pagi-pagi lagi dah panas. while in the ward, the person called me and asked me to move my car bcoz she needs to go out. that easy, eh! nasib baik tak kena sembur as she was kind enough to apologize. was also mad at the MOs sebab benda basic pun tak tahu. buat kerja at spinal level. not thinking.

thursday - the students never learn, they were late again! then the meeting - oklah, the person who likes to talk tak cakap banyak. an issue was raised, but the superiors chose not to listen to suggestions. so?? si luncai terjun dengan labu-labunya, biarkan, biarkan! after lunch, we planned a session with the MOs. again, not punctual and keep other people waiting, tak pasal2 i marah semua orang. and the everlasting passing over... why can't we make it short and sweet?

after picking-up hanif from transit center, we went to maybank. out of 4, only 2 CDM functioning. entah manusia manalah banyak sangat duit and buat transaction, sampai lebih 30 minit tu dia sorang je guna machine tu. have mercy, man! can't you see the growing line behind you? when i finally can get to the machine, it just wouldn't accept my money. the transaction was not allowed. i nak bayar kereta, bank tak nak terima. dah attempted maybank2u twice pun failed. wasting my time! called hubbyby, nak mengadu, but... kenapalah hari ni semua orang tak nak jawab phone? sakit hati betul! he returned my call while i was driving, sorry, the call was ignored!

back home, sofea told me she poo-poo in her pants. ahh... bilalah nak hujan? the weather is too hot and affecting everyone. performed my prayers and recited the holy book. solace. peace.

let go, just let go, don't let it bottle-up inside you. just let go, and forget it. for the things beyond your control, let it be!

i am not a perfect person. there are many things i wish i didn't do. but i continue learning. i've found a reason for me to change the person i used to be. a reason to start over new. help me, God.

SOFEA is FOUR!

i should have made this entry earlier, but was quite busy with the kids and work.

May 11 - the day sofea was born 4 years ago. elective caesaerian section for unstable lie. she was different from hanif. since i was sectioned, stayed in the hospital for a few days. and sofea was really difficult to handle, esp at night. asyik nangis je. biasalah, mula2 tu breast milk tak banyak, kesian sofea lapar. hanif was really a good baby, tidur je malam kat spital lepas delivered, cuma i je yang pitam 2 kali.

sofea was really excited on her birthday. when i returned from work, tiba-tiba dia buka pintu and shout "surprise! hari ni birthday sofea", hehe.. macamlah orang tak tahu. tapi kesian dia, we were too busy, and i always sampai rumah dah dekat pukul 6. rushing nak kejar waktu asar, terlupa nak beli cake for her. my hubbyby pula biasalah, always balik lewat. i suruh gak dia balik awal and bought a cake at secret recipe.

sofea was really happy with the cake, senyum sampai ke telinga. sampai sepet mata senyum when we sang happy birthday to her. seronoknnya jadi kids... missed that moments.

at four, sofea hasn't attended school. we planned to register her at An-Nur earlier, but we were too busy sampai lupa nak register end of last year. kesian sofea. may be bcoz we have a maid at home, jadi tak de risau sangat. then, ingat nak hantar starting april, tapi my hubbyby suddenly has shortage of staffs and became even busier, so tertunda lagi. hopefully, june ni she will be in school.

sofea ni manja sangat, and a little bit bossy bcoz tak de adik and orang duk layan dia sangat2. lasak coz asyik main ngan abang. kaki tv sampai astro rtu dia yang control. kalau tgk PHDC sampai boleh speaking cam Ammar tak pe jugak, ni tidak, asyik tukar tu translated version.

a mother always wants the best for her children, so do i. i hope she can become a wonderful, obedient, successful girl.

i love you, girl.

thank you, son!

ahhh... it was so SWEET!

i woke up to see my lovely son, hanif, standing next to my bed with a rose in one hand. "selamat hari ibu!" he said, with a beaming smile. he hugged me and put a kiss on both sides of my cheeks. what more can i say...? boleh tahan gak romantic anak ummi, bertuah sape jadi menantu ummi. i was really touched. luv you, son.

he has been excited about it for the past few days. he asked me again last night, to confirm that today is mother's day. when i said yes, dia tunjuk muka sedih and said "alaa... hadiah tak beli lagi". i was reading a book to sofea at that time and didn't look up to him. agaknya dia takut i terasa, cepat2 dia cakap, "sebenarnya dah beli!".

i don't expect gifts. it's the thoughts that counts. hadiah yang paling bermakna to me is when my children jadi anak2 yang soleh, hormat orang tua, berakhlak mulia, boleh tolong ummi n abah di kemudian hari, successful dunia akhirat. tolong jangan kecilkan hati ummi, please...

my hubbyby has returned home. as usual, dia tak ingat pun pasal mother's day and didn't say a word about it. why can't men be sensitive enough?

happy mother's day!

i used to get a self-made mother's day card from hanif when he was in kindergarden. even though tak secantik mana, it means a lot to me. i would get it magnetized to the fridge door for months. last year he gave me a red rose, cikgu yang ajar and jual kat sekolah. my hubbyby never gave me anything specifically for mother's day. not even a card. nak dapat mother's day wish pun, i kena mengada-ngada bagi hint. sedih tak? ntahlah... malas nak layan perasaan, rasa biasa je. he was not brought up to celebrate these kinds of days, not even birthdays. as a lady... sesekali kita nak juga rasa dihargai.

i would usually call my mom on this special day. sometimes i gave gifts, but not always. masa duduk KB dulu, i would visit my mom and bought a special cake or makan2, together with my sisters yang dulu stay in KB. sekarang none of us stays in kelantan. but since cuti sekolah selalunya end of may till early june, we usually celebrate it together with father's day masa cuti, bila ramai orang balik. then, we would have some special makan2 with cakes from secret recipe. ohh... kami memang suka makan cakes, mesti beli 3-5 biji, itu pun tak puas makan sebab kami ramai, and memang hantu cakes.

the mothers - mom, my siblings + era, mak su, my niece along@anne, and cousin wani.

kat rumah sendiri, i would usually buy myself a delicious cake ikut my taste sebab i yang nak makan. and i would also give myself a chocolate treat. semua yang lazat2 tu i sukalah - cakes, chocolate and ice cream.... mmmm heaven! selalunya celebrated together with sofea's birthday on may 11. kali ini, i would be on call on mother's day, and my hubbyby would be away for a reunion with his university's friends in KL. so, i won't be expecting anything special, as usual.

penting ke sambut hari ibu? to me, celebration tu tak delah penting sangat, but the thoughts that counts. i know my mom never expect special gifts, but our calls would be much appreciated. pernah satu kali tu, all of us gave our share and sent a florist to mom's house to deliver 2 bouquet of flowers. she was really touched.

what i like about mother's day - ada banyak movies yang best2 kat tv, which will usually be deeply touching, and will make me cry. ... ada orang pelik why i like to watch movies that make me cry. i don't know... may be bcoz in life banyak benda yang kita rasa and experience that cannot be shared with others, and when we watch it in movies, we feel it so close to us, dekat di hati, and we are not alone. you relieved yourself by crying, rasa lega. tak semestinya a sad cry, it can also be a joyful cry.

to my dear nieces and nephews, don't forget to call your moms on this special day. it means a lot to us. hugs and kisses would do wonders, and very much appreciated. your mothers have sacrificed a lot for you. never ever break their hearts. make them proud of you!

Mothers hold their children's hands for a short while, but their hearts forever.

happy mother's day! luv ya.

who is edi?

somebody asked me - who is that guy, edi? well, edi, tak pasal2 jadi popular... uwekk!

so, i asked edi whether i can put his photo in this blog. hehehe... i think he must have been gabra giler dapat that message. he ignored my text message! but at last, he said... bagilah! but i'll save the best for the last.

to those who are interested, this guy claims he is still single, but i never trust men. sometimes they say so, to test their popularity. tapi i tak naklah bagi bad impression about him, tak pasal2 rosak reputasi dia. i don't really know him pun, tapi nampak oklah...

tapi dia ada fantasi yang pelik2, such as, berangan nak nikah kat selatan thai, he thinks the pregnant ladies yang datang nak beranak kat spital tu cute-cute je. and ... he claims he likes married women! tapi yang muda-mudalah, those around his age. crazy kan? he is dangerous!

tapi, dia nampak cool je. sometimes appeared innocent, nerd and naive. tapi kepala dia boleh tahan jugak gile2 sebenarnya. maybe control ayu depan specialists je. he got his own temper, tapi so far masih terkawal, tak de yang over. biasalah... everybody has their own limits. got good sense of humour.

nampak rajin, responsible tapi tak tahulah kalau berlakon. does not appear to be anywhere near romantic. ego. helpful. appeared kind to the elderly. kekok ngan budak2. dressing - okaylah, tapi asyik pakai baju same je. kdg2 tak pandai matching baju ngan tie. lately ada nampak ok sikit, may be sebab selalu kena laser ngan i. but i think he got good taste, saje nak appear low profile.

may be that's about all. tak boleh puji lebih2, nanti dia naik tocang. dan inilah orangnya....

to see the true edi, you got to kiss this sun-basking frog.... and he'll turn to someone like this:

enjoy the week ahead. smile :)

p/s edi, may be you'll get a super hot pari-pari after this! perasanlah tu...