life has been tough. it always does. but it has been tougher recently. thank god, i'm still alive and breathing. am not a robot like the video i'm gonna share later at the end of my entry.
i just don't understand. why does it has to be painful? did i choose the wrong path? life has got a lot to offer, some appears so tempting, some looks good but boring, some appears too good to be true, some appears so familiar and you hope to rejuvenate the experience again.
some looks very challenging but you just enjoy the boost of your ego everytime you overcome the challenge. some appears tricky and dangerous but you just love adventures, it's full of excitement, and gets even more exciting with new level of challenge and the rewards and extra bonuses you received. some are just so nice, with beautiful sceneries and gardens, sweet smelling scents of the wild flowers, but you can just be deceived by it, beware!
am i regretting it? no regrets, no surrender! but its getting weird and harder. sort of tricky too. it's eating me up without me really being aware of it. losing my sleep and my eyebags gets more obvious each day. the beauty of food presentation failed to deceive me. losing my creativity. my attention span becomes shorter like a toddler's. reacting at spinal level instead of really scratching my brains.
my muscles getting tired and my knees getting weaker. the journey seems winding, and the road is really bumpy. i couldn't find a good vehicle to help make my journey easier and enjoyable. ohh... why can't they send my camry faster? can't they be kind enough to offer me a BMW or mercedes with a chauffer for me to enjoy the picturesque scenery?
it's aching inside. paracetamol won't work with me. i need something stronger but please, i don't want the morphine infusion. i need my consciousness to be superb. i have problems in trusting the people around me, i need to be well alert. i need to be rational, otherwise my decision making would be poor. morphine gives you weird dreams, had it after my C-section.
but isn't the pain already making me irrational at times? i am in need of pain service, ASAP. why haven't they establish this service in my hospital now? oh.. Daia is doing the subspecialty training. then may be i should go and see the anesthetist in kota bharu. nah... it's two and a half hour ride, wasting my time. i'm a busy person!
you asked for it! got to face it, through thick and thin... gotta be strong!
humans are dead, said the 'flight of the conchords. this vid may heal some of my pain, may be yours too. enjoy it!
haha... aren't they funny?
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