Wednesday, December 29, 2010
my way..
And so I face the final curtain
My friend I'll say it clear
I'll state my case of which I'm certain
I've lived a life that's full
I traveled each and every highway
And more, much more than this
I did it my way
Regrets I've had a few
But then again too few to mention
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption
I planned each charted course
Each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this
I did it my way
Yes there were times I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out, I faced it all
And I stood tall and did it my way
I've loved, I've laughed and cried
I've had my fill, my share of losing
And now as tears subside
I find it all so amusing
To think I did all that
And may I say not in a shy way
Oh no, oh no, not me
I did it my way
For what is a man what has he got
If not himself then he has not
To say the things he truly feels
And not the words of one who kneels
The record shows I took the blows
And did it my way..
Monday, December 27, 2010
cuti seminggu
so what did we do?
- began our journey on friday dec 17th.
- since my hp line does not cover unlimited internet, i subscribed one week broadband service with celcom at RM18/week. main reason was because i wanted to use the GPS on my phone. belum pernah guna sebelum ni.
- since pregnant i lebih kerap nak gi toilet as compared to before. kalau dulu i memang tak nak masuk public toilet, kali ni terpaksa. but suprisingly.. i found that the public toilets at R&R and big shopping centers are fairly clean. cuma toilet kat masjid je yang kurang memuaskan, may be bcoz tak de org dibayar utk cuci toilet.
- masuk je KL kami terus ke 1-utama untuk shopping. agenda no.1 adalah nak beli maternity blouses and pants and shoes. we didn't go to midvalley city sbb on friday afternoon the federal highway selalunya jam giler. since destinasi seterusnya was setia alam, we took LDP route to damansara and shopped at 1-utama
- hoho.. my bill at ModernMum was... $$$crazy. i got myself 2 maternity blouses, 3 maternity pants and a pair of sandals at a total price yang i tak pernah dapat in one single receipt (utk pakaian). control macho je sign credit card.
- masa beli tu tak fikir panjang.. i just wanted something of good quality and presentable for me to wear at work. after all, itu je yang akan i pakai selama 9 bulan ni.
- masa i sibuk shopping utk anak2, hubbyby and hanif merayau cari surau. tapi mereka tak jumpa surau but jumpa kedai musical instruments. hanif wanted a keyboard. beria2 hubbyby came to me and showed me the pamphlet. i said its better to buy an upright piano rather than just a keyboard. guess what?? he agreed to buy it!! terbeliak mataku.. kita pun cepat2 buat sibuk cari baju dia pula. finally when he finished paying for his stuffs, elly called ckp dia akan datang fetch kami kat 1utama within 10-15 minutes. tak sempat kami nak ke kedai keyboard tu semula. hanif nampak frustrated.. but musical instruments are not our priority at the moment, i'm sorry.. (walaupun umi dah lama mimpi to own a piano)
- had our dinner at kak rah's house and spent the nite at elly's house. both of them bought houses at setia impian, rumah dekat2. abg yie prepared delicious mee goreng mamak for us, and we had carrot cake (anis's birthday cake).
- the next day, kami adikberadik 7 families gathered at wet world shah alam. reason gi situ.. entry fees murah sangat2 as compared to sunway lagoon. haha.. yang nak main air anak2 je. dah pregnant ni tak leh la nak main air, nanti tergelincir ke jatuh ke sape yang susah? but kak ya, kak rah, era and elly sempat jugak basah bersama anak2 mereka.
- balik wet world, kami singgah jusco bukit raja. had delayed lunch at nando's and kita continue shopping maternity blouses kat jusco. haha.. punya la murah baju kat jusco. menyesal gi modernmum! beli lagi 3 maternity blouses and another pants. 4 items that cost half the price i spent at modernmum. ohh... yang sudah tu sudah laa.. jangan menyesal!!
- malam tu we had barbeque at kak rah's house. 7 families gathered. kak na and family tak dapat datang bcoz they had to attend a kenduri in ampang. and of course minus kak za in KT and kak ei in kulim. and i missed my parents.. i know che pun nak datang but ayah tak nak tinggal tugas dia kat masjid.
- seronok makan ramai2, sambil kak ni, kak ya and amin bercerita pasal holiday mereka in new zealand. and all of us got souvenirs from NZ. rumah jg gamat bila kami sama2 tgk bola 2nd leg semifinal suzuki cup, m'sia vs vietnam.
- sofea and hanif sangat happy jumpa cousins mereka.. dan malam tu bukan hanya kami yang tidur rumah kak rah. kak ya and kak su plus anak2 pun stay kat rumah kak rah... haha.. tak puas2 bercerita itu ini.
- the next morning, we went to Kak Na's house for breakfast. again, beramai2. we had nasi lemak special. kali ni dapat souvenir lagi.. this time from makassar, sulawesi.
- selepas perut kenyang, kami sambung perjalanan kami. we went to Nilai first, hantar kak su and nu'man. then kami teruskan perjalanan ke melaka.
- checked-in at Renaissance Melaka Hotel for 3days 2 nights stay. melawat Melaka Maju..
- petang tu ingat nak keluar cari makanan tradisi melaka at nearby gerai... tapi nampak kedai cina je. ade jumpa gerai melayu.. tapi as usual, selera saya boleh tertutup bila tengok persekitaran kedai tu. finally kami ke jusco, tak jumpa restoran yang menarik. foodcourt pula under renovation.. tak banyak choice, makan je ape yang ada. balik hotel, anak2 terus ke swimming pool.
- hai... ape yang maju nya melaka ni? lebih kurang sama je ngan ganu and kb..
- next morning, lepas breakfast, kami terus ke menara taming sari, naik replika kapal portugis, masuk museum maritime, and walked to bukit yang ade remnants st paul's church, a famosa, stadhuy's building and istana kesultanan melaka. boleh tahan jauh berjalan, sambil naik turun bukit. hubbyby pun terkejut tgk i sanggup panjat tangga naik bukit tu. ohh... boleh tahan gak sakit urat2 kat kaki tu.. sampai sekarang masih terasa.
- had lunch at shopping mall kat dataran pahlawan.
- kereta kena saman parking walau kami dah bayar parking for 3 hours (kalo ikut mesin RM1.80). berputar2 cari kaunter bayaran. rupa2nya mesin tempat kami bayar duit parking tu dah tak pakai. kami patut gi ambik resit parking. so kena bayar denda RM5 (yang sebenarnya jauh lebih murah dari rate parking sebenar, which is RM6 for the first 1 hour). kiranya, kami tak rugi ape2 pun la walau disaman.
- lepas solat asar, kami naik river cruise.. boleh tahan la menariknya. ala2 venice gitu, tapi botnya tak cantik laa..
- kami makan malam di Umbai. dengar cerita macam sedap. tapi bagi kami indah khabar dari rupa. foodnya biasa2 aje.. alhamdulillah, kenyang jugak.
- esok pagi, lepas breakfast the children get another splash in the swimming pool. kul 12 pm kami checked-out and make a move to A Famosa Resort.
- at A Famosa Resort, kami cuma pergi wild animal safari saje. itu pun agak rushing. the children enjoyed the various animal shows yang ade kat situ. but they didn't get the chance for elephant ride sbb dah tutup. kami tak pergi water world or carnival. again, banyak berjalan. and the truck safari ride was a really bumpy ride. dalam hati ni berdoa je moga tak de ape2. risau gak..
- malam tu kami ke Nilai, rumah kak su. had dinner and stayed for the night. penat..
- next morning, after breakfast kami jemput Jelita yang di tinggalkan di rumah kak na, and had our lunch at kak ya's house. wah... lunchnya sungguh menyelerakan. hanif sehingga menjilat pinggan.
- we decided utk tak pergi rumah kak ni in damansara and rumah syam at bukit antarabangsa. lagi pun dah jumpa kat wet world and setia alam. depa pun sibuk kerja.
- asalnya nak balik ikut gua musang and singgah bermalam di KB. tapi hubbyby ubah plan. he wanted to go bukit gambang resort city pula. terkujat kita.. beria betul pakcik ni nak bercuti. after some dicussion, kita decide pergi gambang next time. tapi kami tak jadi ke kb.
- sampai kemaman, sofea memujuk2 kami stay kat awana kijal. hai... tak puas2 budak2 ni. bila ade maid ni pikir 2-3 kali juga bila nak stay hotel. ye la, takkan dia nak stay satu bilik ngan kita. and the cost of another room tu.. bukanla berkira tapi memang kena kira pun.. kita bukannya orang kaya.
- stopped at mesra mall utk solat maghrib and makan. aleh2 sempat pulak hubbyby and hanif pergi meninjau ke TGV dan beria2 ajak kita tgk Narnia malam tu. show mula 9.30 and habis dah dekat kul 12 malam. pukul berapa nak sampai KT, bang?? awak tu mudah ngantuk drive malam.. okay. tengok movie next time. kesian hanif..
- on the way home.. as expected, hubbyby sangat mengantuk. we stopped at petronas station rantau abang for him to nap for a while. alhamdulillah we reached home safely at 12 midnight.
- no doubt the journey was tiring. but the children really enjoyed the holiday. they like it better than langkawi. and walau ummi masih tak puas shopping, bersyukurlah.. dah banyak duit habis pun. shopping tu duniawi je.. (kata2 memujuk hati)
looking forward to next holiday. sabah? singapore? panggilan pulau? belum cukup kaya nak gi oversea.. that one should wait after haji, or at least umrah for the family.
Friday, December 10, 2010
something wonderful..
watching The Young Victoria... it was all smiles... a wonderful love story, beautifully laid out..
but i was sobbing at the end of the movie... prince albert died young, leaving queen victoria mourning for him for years.. and in memory of her husband, she never failed to lay out his clothes every morning following the death.
and i love the proposal scene.. it was so sweet and brought tears to my eyes..
how i wish all the men out there can be as affectionate, passionate and loving as prince albert. you played it well Rupert..
love that never dies..
a wonderful love story between queen victoria and prince albert, beautifully laid out..
Thursday, December 9, 2010
tablescapes..
makan, makan dan makan..
2009 - sejak awal tahun, entah kenapa saya jadi tak lalu makan.. perut lapar, tapi selera bagaikan mati bila melihat nasi dan bila lauk disuap ke mulut. penurunan selera tu macam roller coaster yang turun laju dari keadaan menegak. kadang2 bau yang terbit bila menumis pun terpaksa je tahan. ramai fikir saya jaga makan untuk jaga badan. sebenarnya tidak. saya suka makan. masa kecik dulu pun org gelarkan saya ikan buntal sebab saya chubby kiut.
tanpa sedar berat saya benar2 turun. sebelum kawin, berat saya maintain 44-45kg. lepas bersalin, maintain at 48kg. but in 2009, my weight turun sampai 39 kg. banyak baju saya menjadi sangat longgar sampai nampak macam pakai baju org lain. saya juga boleh muat jeans zaman single dulu. muka saya jadi kurus, tulang selangka juga jadi prominent.
tapi saya tak de la risau sangat.. saya rasa sihat, happy macam biasa. blood test pun normal. walau ada yang minta saya jumpa ustaz dan org2 alim kerana takut ada benda lain yang mengganggu, saya rasa tidak perlu. saya terima perubahan ini dengan fikiran terbuka.. aging process, haha..
alhamdulillah, after enrolling myself in a regular aerobic program, selera makan saya mula kembali. tetapi mungkin kerana sudah terbiasa makan sikit, saya dah rasa selesa dengan amaun yang sedikit. somehow, i'm the kind of person who can control my temptations. walau suka chocolates, cakes and ice cream dan banyak kueh2 tradisional yang manis... saya tak makan over2.
2010 - alhamdulillah, akhirnya penantian jadi kenyataan. alhamdulillah, kali ini tak de nausea sangat dan vomiting tiada langsung. sampai saya tertanya2 juga, betul ke pregnant ni? kehamilan yg lalu, saya biasanya memang selalu nauseated dan vomit sekali sekala, walau saya tak de masalah untuk makan.
seperti biasa, bila pregnant, selera saya luar biasa. dan saya akan ade perasaan nak makan macam2, dan saya akan cuba masak apa yang saya sebelum ni tak pernah masak. lapar datang tiba2... the fisrt month of pregnancy kali ni saya makan sangat banyak. saya seperti teruja untuk makan. saya akan makan nasi lemak atau mee goreng untuk breakfast dan sentiasa ready kueh dalam handbag untuk makan bila lapar tiba2. hasilnya... sebulan pregnant, berat naik sampai 4kg.
tetapi... saya rasa sungguh tidak selesa. perut rasa tak selesa, macam ade indigestion. sebu. letih dan lemah. towards the evening... saya kelesuan.
saya review balik cara pemakanan saya. kenapa perlu jadi hamba pada rasa lapar dan makanan? kita yang harus kuatkan mental dan menjaga pemakanan secara sihat. dan saya kembali kepada roti untuk breakfast - samada tuna sandwich, french toast, bread with scramble eggs, peanut butter sandwich, atau sekadar roti cicah milo/tea... itulah breakfast saya setiap hari sebelum pergi kerja. dan saya akan beli sejenis kueh utk bekal kalau tiba2 lapar jam 11 pg.
i took heavy lunch, but a light dinner, and lots of fruits. alhamdulillah... saya rasa lebih selesa sekarang. badan rasa sihat dan tidak kelesuan di petang hari.
kata sofea, perut umi dah buncit... hampir 3 bulan, memang dah terasa si kecil makin membesar. saya memilih untuk tidak lagi memakai kebaya atau kurung moden. saya kembali selesa dengan baju kurung yang tahun lepas saya rasa menggelebeh.. dan oleh kerana saya memang jenis suka pakai blaus longgar dan besar, saya tak de masalah dengan blouse and pants. kalau dulu kena pakai belt, sekarang tak perlu lagi.
dua minggu lagi saya akan bercuti... looking forward to tasting new food and trying new eating places. dan nak cari baju2 untuk perut saya yang semakin membesar, dan kasut yang lebih selesa untuk pergerakan yang stabil with good balance.
hmm... i'm loving my life :)
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
breakaway..
Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray..
Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I'd pray
I could break away..
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky
Make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away..
Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jetplane
Far away
And break away..
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly.
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky.
Make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun.
But I won't forget all the ones that I love.
I'll take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away
Breakaway...
Friday, December 3, 2010
Is your job killing you?
Women with stressful jobs are twice as likely to have a heart attack!!
Results from a study by Dr. Michelle Albert, which were presented at the American Heart Disease Association, revealed that women who have stressful and demanding jobs are two times more likely to suffer from a stroke or a heart attack in comparison to women with less stressful jobs.
Tight deadlines, stress and work demands or worries about losing you job in a tough economy, especially on top of running a home, released ‘fight or flight’ hormones in the women with stressful jobs which immediately raises blood pressure.
Other side effects from having a stressful job were heart problems, higher cholesterol, blocked arteries, strokes and were 43 per cent more likely to need bypass surgery in comparison to those in less stressful jobs.
A similar study related to stressfound that they can also age you by a decade. British newspaper, The Daily Mail, reported that scientists found that stress is “the over-riding factor when it comes to the rate at which we grow older.”
Our DNA and cells are protected by telomeres, but as our cells divide or are subjected to damage, the telomeres get shorter and this is how we age. Stress is what damages the telomeres the most and the shorted these telomeres are the more unprotected our DNA becomes.
It was found that middle-aged women are the ones most affected by this who are juggling jobs, elderly parents and children in their teenage years.
To reduce the damages of stress:
Don’t diet – its stressful and demanding on us physically and psychologically
Meditate - deep breathing, controlling your thoughts and clearing your mind reduces stress.
Exercise – it disperses stress hormones from the blood.
Have a positive outlook – research found pessimists have shorter telomeres.
Eat right – omega-3 encourage telomeres to grow and pistachios protect DNA
Sleep – the body repairs itself when we sleep.
(Source: The daily Mail)
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
secrets
I need another story
Something to get off my chest
My life gets kinda boring
Need something that I can confess
'Til all my sleeves are stained red
From all the truth that I've said
Come by it honestly I swear
Thought you saw me wink, no
I've been on the brink, so
Tell me what you want to hear
Something that delight those ears
Sick of all the insincere
I'm gonna give all my secrets away
This time, don't need another perfect lie
Don't care if critics ever jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away
My God, amazing that we got this far
It's like we're chasing all those stars
Driving shiny big black cars
And everyday I see the news
All the problems that we could solve
And when a situation rises
Just write it into an album
Sending it straight to gold
I don't really like my flow, no, so
Tell me what you want to hear
Something that delight those ears
Sick of all the insincere
I'm gonna give all my secrets away
This time, don't need another perfect lie
Don't care if critics ever jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away
Oh, got no reason, got no shame
Got no family I can blame
Just don't let me disappear
I'm gonna tell you everything..
Thursday, November 25, 2010
bagaikan pungguk rindukan bulan..
25th November 1998 - the day we tied the knot. happy 12th anniversary!!
any surprises?? NO.
he need to be reminded. and these dates are never important for him. too bad he married a person yang boleh ingat almost all the dates... haha.. but all thru the years i've learnt not to expect anything from him. buat sakit hati je merajuk... bukan ade yang nak pujuk pun.
balik kerja, i called him, gave him a hint... he was guessing something but i know, dia memang tak ingat langsung. just received his text message.. asking me out tonite, nak ambik hati la tu. just don't be late.. i hate waiting. it ruins my mood.
the children is at my mom's house in KB. so, its really quiet at home... sunyi, sepi. and i have both my laptop and desktop on, next to each other... playing games!! both games running at real time, and i need to attend to the tasks, one after another. besides my siblings, rasanya tak de perempuan lain yang still sibuk main games at this age. haha... modern mom! at least, it keeps me busy..
my sisters are going to new zealand in 2 weeks time, attending Nuha's convo in Wellington, and visiting Dhuha in Dunedine as well.. hajat di hati nak ikut, but i am not allowed to do long travelling... at least not in these first few months. wishing to go to sydney next march. hubbyby macam tak berapa nak bagi... but since lambat lagi, kita diamkan dulu. nanti bila dah masuk january, kita mention balik.
initial plan was to go for a holiday in sabah this year, but since i'm pregnant, kena la kensel. kalo gi sabah, mesti nak gi mount kinabalu, nak visit taman negara, nak gi jalan ke pulau2 snorkelling. semuanya aktiviti lasak... so, kena tangguh dulu. then, ingat nak bw the children to singapore december ni, jalan2 sentosa island, visit universal studio, etc. but hubbyby tak nak. finally , we are going to malacca.. tak pe lah, biar anak2 kenal historical places. ingat nak ajak hanif tengok harry porter or megamind, or maybe sofea would be interested to watch rapunzel...
7.27 pm.... yang di tunggu belum tiba.. :(
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
kenangan terindah
selama mata terbuka
sampai jantung tak berdetak
selama itu pun..
aku mampu untuk mengenangmu
bila yang tertulis untukku
adalah yang terbaik untukmu
kan kujadikan kau
kenangan yang terindah
dalam hidupku..
namun takkan mudah bagiku
meninggalkan jejak hidupku
yang telah terukir abadi
sebagai kenangan yang terindah..
Sunday, November 7, 2010
down with a flu..
developed fever yesterday morning after i had my morning shower. sejuk sangat agaknya. was shivering in the ward while doing my ward round. got myself PCM and Loratidine. balik rumah, had nasi kerabu.. makan ubat dan terus pengsan.
this morning woke up, feverish still. nose blocked, rhinorhhoea and suara sengau satu macam. loratidine tu macam sedikit pun tak de effect. requested EL for the day.
sungguh takut nak mandi pagi tadi. so i waited till 11 baru mandi. tiba2 pukul 12 perut lapar tiba2, dan perlu diisi segera. semenjak dua menjak ni begitulah... cepat lapar dan mesti makan stat. otherwise, bisa lembik with all the hypo symptoms. nasib baik roti canai yg pagi tadi ada lebih, so... kita habiskan sekeping setengah tu. tak sampai satu jam, hubbyby pulang dengan nasi kukus.... thank you, darling!! magicnya kasih sayang suami.. lepas makan nasi kukus tu terus rasa macam dah nak baik. my nose definitely terasa ringan..
does it take so long for loratidine to work? it has been more than a day since i took it..
Friday, November 5, 2010
it's raining..
pernah mandi hujan?
rain is so nostalgic to me... it brings the memories of my wonderful childhood days in Taman Guru. it reminds me of...
* keseronokan tidur beramai2 dgn kakak2 sambil bercerita itu ini di dalam gelap sementara menunggu mata lelap
* keseronokan mencetuskan idea2 kreatif mengisi musim cuti sekolah di musim hujan. since tak leh main kat luar rumah, we created a lot of games among ourselves
* bangun pagi dan merenung ke luar rumah melihat hujan masih mencurah2 dan melihat pokok2 besar terutama pokok kelapa bergoyang mengikut pukulan angin kencang
* gembiranya bila air longkang mengalir laju sambil saya dan adikberlumba2 membuat dan melayarkan bot2 kertas
* sengaja suka nak berpayung ke luar rumah especially ke padang bola di sebelah rumah, di mana ada banyak lopak2 air
* bestnya cuaca sejuk dan sungguh liat nak mandi
* satu family enjoying the tv program sambil minum tea dan makan kuih yang mak buat
* saya selalu terkenang sepupu mak datang dari kampung bawak ubi dan pisang... dan mak akan rebus ubi kayu dan ubi keledek dan juga pisang tersebut.. lazat.. sambil minum kopi atau teh
* kami jakun banjir, dan cukup seronok naik kereta menyusuri kawasan banjir dan tengok kawasan2 yang ditenggelami banjir
it has been raining for about a week. last few days, the sun came out dan sempatlah basuh baju and jemur kain. tapi malam tadi hujan kembali lebat.
i was called for an emergency OT at 11pm last nite. it was raining heavily + a very strong wind. merangkak2 bawak kereta dlm hujan, dan terasa badan bagai hampir melayang ketika berjalan laju ke teduhan. basah walau berpayung. kembali ke rumah hampir jam 2 pagi.
woke up with a strange voice and a tight and dry nasopharynx. kena hujan sikit dah nak demam. the signs of less immunity and ageing..
well, life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain..
Friday, October 29, 2010
a beautiful mind
i love watching movies. tapi tak semua movies tu elok. i'm quite selective in watching movies. among all the movies that i've watched... the ones that i like most are... Forest Gump, A Beautiful Mind, Avatar, Stepmom, Shawshank Redemption, the Bucket List... and i still wish to watch the Rainman (sampai sekarang tak jumpa rainman). all these movies touched me deeply. beautiful and fullfilling.
it took me nine years to watch A Beautiful Mind. dulu cari cd pirate tak jumpa. now cari cd ori pun susah nak jumpa. finally downloaded it from the net.
beautiful mind memang best. sangat best. memang layak dapat best picture and best director award. and i personally believe russell crowe really deserved the best actor award, though he did not win it.
it was based on a real story of Prof John Nash, who is a genius. he came from a humble background and has the obsession to become the best. the story began after he was accepted to princeton university to learn mathematics.
John has an a-social personality, he's not good at socializing and had few friends. the only person who could really get close to him was his roomate, Charles, his sole companion through-out college, his only best friend.
he didn't really attend the classes which he believed can destroy the potential for authentic creativity. he's a nerd and people thought that he was weird. he was made a fool by his fellow classmates. he spent most of his time by himself and learnt most of things through observation, which he believes would give him original ideas. he was really obsessed in acquiring truly original ideas as the only was to distinguish himself, and it's the only thing that matters.
though having difficulty keeping up with the smart people there, his dreams finally came true.. it was an achievement of a lifetime. he got good job and was well respected. finally met a girl, Sylvia, who found him interesting, and married her. she was his student.
problems started when he was approached by an agent for the department of defense. his expertise is needed by the country to reading and breaking codes. his life was a mess since then. he lost grip on reality and things went beyond limit. his performance at work deteriorated and he became so paranoid and insecure.
the truth only reveals when the expert came in. he never really had a roomate. and the task for the dept of defense never exists. the roomate and the agent was only his hallucination, and he was deluded by his belief that his expertise is needed by the dept of defense. another person that never exist was a little girl who was a niece to the roomate. he really loves the little girl and the girl stays in his house. John Nash was institutionalized for schizophrenia.
treatment was not easy. life was difficult. the drugs for schizophrenia changed a man's life. his marriage life was on a rocking boat. but he was lucky to have a wife with a beautiful heart. who help him find his way back, who believes that something extraordinary is possible. he also found his way back with the help of his old rival in college, who was then the dean in princeton. he was allowed to be in the university to familiarize himself with the things he used to do, as part of therapy. he spent most of his time in the library and with the student.
though the three characters in his hallucination never really go away, he managed to ignore them. he worked up his mind and finally won a Nobel prize in economics.
the story touched me deeply, and it taught me a lot about life and appreciate the beautiful life i have. wonderful scriptwriting, excellent directing, brilliant acting, beautiful scenes... made me smile, laugh and cried. John Nash gave me goose-bumps.
"perhaps it is good to have a BEAUTIFUL MIND, but an even greater gift is to discover a BEAUTIFUL HEART"
Friday, October 15, 2010
seeing is believing
14th Oct 2010 - the World Sight Day.
15th Oct 2010 - The White Cane Day.
dah lima tahun kami sambut World Sight Day, tapi tiada yang meninggalkan kesan semendalam yang saya rasai khamis lalu.
buat julung2 kalinya, sambutan world sight day kali ini melibatkan golongan yang sememangnya patut mendapat perhatian.. tetapi seringkali dilupakan. golongan cacat penglihatan.
alhamdulillah, kemunculan wakil Society of the Blind, Malaysia ke jabatan kami beberapa bulan yang lalu telah mencetuskan kerjasama ini. walau tidak dapat melihat sejelas kita yang normal, pemikiran dan pendapat mereka jelas punya visi yang jitu.
mulanya saya bukanlah sebahagian dari urusetia tetapi ditugaskan untuk radio-talk sahaja. atas beberapa sebab, saya juga diminta menyediakan questionnaire utk golongan cacat penglihatan ini. buntu juga, sehingga saya berfikir2, agaknya dalam bentuk apakah borang soalselidik ini boleh menjadi berguna? bukan hanya size font yang sepatutnya saya gunakan, malah saya terfikir adakah saya perlu meminta terjemahan ke bentuk braille? atau kami perlu menerumah secara lisan..
nyata.. kita cenderung mencipta alasan bila tidak sepenuh hati menerima tugasan. ikhlaskan niat... dan saya menghargai teman saya, Laila, yang walau usianya jauh lebih muda, sudah sekian lama menjadi pilihan saya berkongsi rasa dan pandangan. alhamdulillah, soalselidik berjaya dihasilkan, dan kini saya dalam proses menganalisanya.
selasa lalu, saya dan Presiden, Society of the Blind Malaysia, cawangan Terengganu telah dijemput untuk bercakap di Radio Terengganu. slot 30 minit itu sebenarnya terlalu singkat untuk bercakap tentang kebutaan baik dari aspek perubatan , mahupun untuk menekankan kepentingan persatuan dalam memperjuangkan hak mereka yang dipinggirkan. tapi saya berharap kami telah dapat sedikit sebanyak membuka mata mereka yang celik dan memberi kesedaran tentang masalah kebutaan.
kemuncak world sight day adalah sambutannya khamis lalu. YB dan pengarah kesihatan negeri menjadi jemputan khas untuk majlis perasmian. tetapi yang lebih menjadi jemputan khas pada saya adalah kanak2 cacat penglihatan dari dua buah sekolah, orang2 buta dari perkampungan Taman Rahmat, dan pesakit low vision yang mendapat rawatan di hsnz.
khamis lalu hari yang menginsafkan buat saya..
pagi2 lagi hati saya sudah sayu melihat mereka. menyentuh hati dan perasaan. sukarnya mereka bergerak di tempat yang asing sedangkan kita melangkah penuh gaya. teraba2 mereka untuk makan sedangkan kita adakala menerkam kelaparan dan seringkali menjuihkan bibir melihat hidangan yang tidak memberangsangkan. dan saat kita senyum dan ketawa melihat tayangan multimedia, mereka hanya diam, terpinga2 tertanya2 kenapa orang ketawa. dan saya ternyata tidak dapat mengawal manik2 jernih mengalir laju sewaktu tayangan khas dan persembahan oleh pihak Society of the Blind.
dek kerana hati yang mudah tersentuh, saya khuatir tidak dapat menjalankan tugas sebagai pengerusi/moderator forum "Persiapan Menghadapi Kebutaan - Esok Masih Ada" dengan baik. tetapi atas dasar professionalisme, tugasan diteruskan.
saya kagum dan sangat memandang tinggi salah seorang panelist, En Mah Hassan Omar, Presiden Persatuan Orang2 Cacat Anggota Malaysia, amat menyerlah dan berkarisma. walau tidak dapat melihat, beliau peguam berjaya dan melanjutkan pelajaran hingga ke luar negara, berkali2 menjuarai kejuaraan Chess peringkat Asia (dan mengalahkan mereka yang celik), bertahun2 berkhidmat di Bursa Saham Kuala Lumpur, sebelum membuka syarikat sendiri. bercakap dari pengalaman sendiri, ternyata mudah memukau audiens. bicaranya jujur dari hati..
dan saya tidak menyangka forum itu akan menjadi hangat dengan berbagai isu dan persoalan. jelas, walau umumnya audiens kami mereka yang tidak dapat melihat, fikiran mereka tajam.. pandangannya bernas dan adakala terselit kritikan tajam. kalau saya menjadi wakil dari JKM, rasanya tak senang duduk juga. mujurlah, Pengarah JKM juga bukan calang2 orangnya.
dan di situ, saya merasa kerdil. walau kononnya doktor2 yang berada di situ adalah pakar-pakar, kita sebenarnya hidup dalam dunia dan kelompok kita yang kecil. siapa katak di bawah tempurung sebenarnya?
benarlah... ranjau dan duri membentuk jati diri. kapayahan, kesusahan dan keupayaan untuk berdiri sama tinggi dengan mereka yang normal ternyata membuat mereka semua lebih berkeperibadian dan berketrampilan... mungkin bukan dari segi rupa dan pakaian, tetapi pemikiran dan kebijaksanaan berkata2.
saya juga terharu atas kesudian adik Anuar yang sanggup datang dari Temerloh untuk bersama2 kami khamis lalu. beliau kini melanjutkan pelajaran di MSU dalam jurusan sains berkaitan perubatan sebagai pelajar out campus. walau memiliki keputusan SPM yang baik, beliau tidak dapat melanjutkan pengajian ke IPTA. beliau mempersoalkan diskriminasi terhadap golongan kurang upaya dalam merebut peluang pendidikan.
forum itu saya rasa akan lebih bermakna jika ada wakil dari Jabatan Pelajaran, pihak Suruhanjaya Perkhidmatan Awam dan mungkin YB sendiri. isu2 yang ditimbulkan tidak banyak berkisar kepada bidang perubatan tetapi merangkumi aspek pendidikan, perkhidmatan dan kepentingan sosial OKU.
pada hari itu, saya merasa diri dicelikkan golongan kurang upaya. dan saya terkenang kata2 Robert Burton - a dwarf standing on the shoulders of a giant may see farther than a giant himself..
Friday, October 1, 2010
wishful thinking..
how i wish..
- I will be happy. this assumes that what Abraham Lincoln said is true, that "most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." happiness is from within; it is not a matter of externals.
- I will try to adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will take my family, my career, and my luck as they come and fit myself into them.
- I will take care of my body. I will exercise it, care for it, nourish it, not abuse it nor neglect it, so that it will be a perfect machine for my bidding.
- I will try to strengthen my mind. I will learn something useful. I will not be a mental loafer. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.
- I will exercise my soul in three ways: I will do somebody a good turn, and not get found out. I will do at least two things I don't want to do, just for exercise.
- I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, dress as becomingly as possible, talk low, act courteously, be liberal with praise, criticise not at all, nor find fault with anything and not try to regulate nor improve anyone.
- I will try to live through this day only, not to tackle my whole life problem at once. I can do things for 12 hours that would appall me if I had to keep them up for a lifetime.
- I will have a program. I will write down what I expect to do every hour. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it. It will eliminate two pests - hurry and indecision.
- I will have a quiet half-hour all by myself and relax. I will think of God, so as to get little more perspective into my life.
- I will not be afraid, especially I will not be afraid to be happy, to enjoy what is beautiful, to love, and to believe that those I love, love me..
Thursday, September 23, 2010
150 juta kali
but its a really cute and sincere song.. buat saya tersenyum sendiri.. :))
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Doa buat Ina... (berilah kekuatan kepadanya..)
Dugaan dan rahmat Allah didatangkan dalam pelbagai cara.. ketentuan Allah itu ada hikmahnya..
Minggu lalu saya telah menerima friend request dari seorang kenalan lama. Kami tidaklah begitu rapat, tetapi bagi saya, sekali berkenalan insyaAllah menjadi rakan sampai bila-bila. Saya sangat menghargai sahabat yang baik. Kami sempat berkenalan sewaktu matriks, cuma setahun. Selepas itu, saya ke fakulti perubatan dan Ina ke UKM Bangi.
Ina kenalan saya yang sangat cantik, sopan, lemah lembut dan ayu. Yang penting dia juga seorang yang baik ilmu agamanya. Tenang bila bersama2, wajah sentiasa tersenyum dan perbualan kami sentiasa disulami ketawa2 kecil. Ina sangat pemalu. Dan dia juga pernah menjadi pujaan rakan lelaki saya di fakulti perubatan... tapi mereka tiada jodoh bersama..
Sudah lama tidak mendengar berita dari Ina. Cuma sewaktu masih dalam masters program, kakak Ina , Kak Ida pernah buat attachment di Klinik Mata, jadi adalah cerita tengtang Ina. Tetapi setelah itu tiada lagi.
Walaupun sangat selektif dalam menerima friend request di facebook, request dari Ina saya terima tanpa berfikir panjang. Gembira dapat kembali bersua walau hanya di alam maya. Tapi hati saya tertanya2 sebaik saya meninjau dinding facebook Ina. Status updates nya menimbulkan persoalan di hati saya, tambahan lagi bila membaca komen2 dari rakan2 beliau yang sebahagiannya juga kenalan saya.
Tidak mahu terus berteka teki, saya dengan jujur bertanya Ina apa cerita sebenarnya. Sungguh, saya merasa sungguh insaf dan kerdil bila membaca keluhan hati Ina. Besarnya dugaan Allah kepada Ina.. tak dapat saya bayangkan bagaimana jika saya yang berada di posisi Ina.
Tamat pengajian, Ina menjadi guru dan ditemukan jodoh. Alhamdulillah, semuanya baik dan mereka dikurniakan 7 orang anak (6 perempuan dan seorang lelaki). Bagaimanapun, dugaan Ina mula hadir sewaktu Ina hamil anak ke-7. Ina tak sempat mencurahkan kasih sayangnya pada anak yang bongsu, yang Ina berikan pada saudara untuk menjaganya. Ina sakit..
Sekarang sudah 4 tahun Ina menderita.. dan sudah 2 tahun lebih Ina menjadikan hospital sebagai rumahnya. Ina selalu sunyi di hospital, jauh dari hilai tawa anak2. Ina cuma dapat melihat dan tersenyum. Ina sebenarnya menderita Motor Neuron Disease.. dan sudah 2 tahun terpaksa menggunakan ventilator. Ina tak dapat bergerak, dan tak dapat betutur dengan baik.. dan yang sebenarnya menjadi penghubung kami adalah anak saudara Ina..
“cuba bayangkan macamana kalau semut merah gigit dan kita tak boleh buat apa2? Ina tak boleh gerakkan tangan dan tak boleh bersuara.. Ina cuma boleh keluarkan bunyi dengan melagakan gigi2 Ina.. “
Menginsafkan.. bagaimana susah pun kita, ada orang lain yang lebih susah. Ada orang lain yang lebih derita, ada orang lain yang lebih besar dugaannya.. “maka, nikmat Allah yang manakah yang kamu dustakan?”..
Untuk Ina.. saya doakan kesejahteraan dan rahmat Allah buatnya. Semoga Ina terus tabah dan sabar menempuhi dugaan ini. Semoga sentiasa dipermudahkan segalanya buat Ina. Semoga anak2 menjadi anak2 yang soleh dan beriman, dapat terus mencurahkan kasih dan sayang dan bakti mereka kepada ibu yang tercinta.
Doa saya yang terbaik untuk Ina, dan saya amat berharap dapat menziarah Ina di Hospital Kangar suatu hari nanti. Saya mahu menggenggam tangan Ina, memeluk Ina dan mencium dahi dan pipi Ina. Biar kita sudah lama tidak bersua, kasih sayang saya buat Ina sebagai sahabat dan teman adalah selamanya..
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
39
woke up early, and fresh. Today is my 39th birthday, alhamdulillah.
as usual, the first person to give me a birthday wish is my lovely son, Hanif. when he told sofea today is a special day, sofea came to me and asked innocently, “ummi, ari ni ari selasa kan?”. yes, darling, its just another tuesday. 39 years ago, i was actually born on tuesday. Hanif siap boleh tanya, bila hadiah ummi nak sampai? Hadiah ape? Rupanya dia overheard i bg hint kat hubbyby i nak hadiah ape for my birthday this year. Haha.. dream on laa.. hubbyby sure tak ingat tu..
So, ini kali terakhir birthday dgn angka 3.. tahun depan dah angka lain kat depan! Cepatnye masa berlalu, tak terasa pun dah nak masuk 40. Nak buat camana, hati terasa muda sentiasa. Tak terasa anak2 pun dah makin besar. Hanif will outgrow me soon. Soalan paling best from sofea waktu berbuka semalam was... “ummi, bila ummi nak dapat baby ni?”.. insyaAllah, kalau ade rezeki.. dan ape yg buat my mom ketawa sangat2 bila sofea cakap “ummi kawin la lagi ngan abah. jangan kawin sekali je, kawin banyak2 kali, baru boleh dapat baby”. haha.. kids, they say the darndest things, don’t they?
anyway, i’m grateful for this 39 wonderful years, Alhamdulillah.. seperti diulang berkali2 dalam surah Ar-Rahman, “dan nikmat Allah yang manakah yang kamu dustakan?”. Alhamdulillah, kita bersyukur dan redha dengan perjalanan kehidupan kita. dan kita terus memohon kepadaNya agar hidup ini akan terus dirahmati dan diberkati, semoga sentiasa berada di dalam perlindunganNya, dipermudahkan rezeki dan dikurniakan kejayaan dan kebahagiaan fiddunnya wal akhirah. Dan yang lebih penting, biarlah peningkatan usia ini diiringi dengan peningkatan iman dan darjah ketaqwaan di sisiNya. Dan seperti selalu dipesan ibu, kita sentiasa berdoa semoga anak2 dan generasi serta keturunan kami seterusnya sentiasa berada dibawah peliharaanNya, menjadi generasi ulul albab, beriman, bertaqwa, berakhlak dan berjaya.
Pada usia 39 tahun, selain doa2 general seperti diajar dalam buku2 doa, kita masih membaca doa khusus sebagaimana yang diajar ayah. Sewaktu ke MRSM pd usia 13, ayah telah menuliskan dengan jelas doa untuk dibaca setiap kali selesai solat. dan memang itulah yang kita baca sebelum fasih membaca dan memahami setiap butir perkataan doa dlm bahasa arab, dan terus diamalkan hingga kini. Kekuatan muslimin pada doanya, selain usaha yang tidak kenal lelah. dan kita akan sentiasa sebak dan menangis bila terkenang ayat yang ayah tuliskan untuk kita.. “mentimun dan pisau sudah ditangan, terpulanglah pada Ta bagaimana mahu mencorakkannya..”. kenapa mentimun, bukannya batang kayu atau batu? mentimun itu pejal tetapi lembut dan mudah hancur, silap percaturan ia akan rosak dan terus hancur.. dalam maksudnya..
semalam, mencurah2 menangis bila membaca kisah Nik Nurmadihah, pelajar cemerlang kebangsaan 2008. bukan 20A yang kita herankan, tetapi keperibadiannya yang terpuji, berakhlaq, bijak, matang, sabar dan tidak tahu mengeluh.. bertuahlah ibubapanya, kemiskinan tidak membantut kecemerlangan. dapatkah anak2 kita menjadi sepertinya? InsyaAllah.. really hope that i can be as good as a parent.
so, ape yang special hari ni? tak de yang luar biasa. pagi2 lagi dah keluar hantar C-puteh untuk service. then ikut ayah and che shopping kat pasar... hmm.. borong 10 ekor ayam (semalam dah beli 5 ekor) dan 10 kg daging lembu local breed. then keluar ngan anak2, belikan depa kasut and selipar raya. menu berbuka.. sup tulang, ayam black pepper, ayam percik, sayur campur dan pelbagai kuih muih tradisi kelantan. looking forward nak jumpa my other siblings and nieces and nephews yang dah mula pulang after kerja semalam.
penutup hari ini was a birthday wish from darling hubbyby, haha.. itupun lepas di beri hint. berkali2 call and sms, dlm byk2 pesanan utk service camry, bayar zakat and gunting rambut hanif, birthday kita dia lupa! men.. susah nak ingat special dates ini. he is too busy, byk benda lain difikirkannya. he will only be back on malam raya.
Approaching year 40 of life... hah, can’t believe that am looking forward to it.. :)
Friday, August 27, 2010
a friend in need is a friend indeed
friendship isn't how you forget, but how you forgive;
not how you listen, but how you understand;
not how you see, but how you feel;
not how you let go; but how you hold on!
friends come and go, but true friends can grow separately without growing apart..
many people will walk in and out of you life,
but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.
true friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget..
Saturday, August 21, 2010
bila keseorangan..
a long, quiet weekend!
spending it all alone. mau mati kebosanan dibuatnya. hubbyby and children balik kampung MIL, kita tak leh ikut, oncall.
hari ni okay sikit, alhamdulillah. semalam rasa sangat depress.. sunyi, lonely sampai nak demam. siang2 hari pakai sweater and stokin. tapi kipas tetap kena pasang, kalo tak.. rasa cam tak de ventilation. tekak sangat2 loya... sampai takut nak makan. kita memang tak suka experience vomiting, ngeri..
ntah kenapa semalam sangat depress.. nak baca Quran and solat, tak leh. red flag. tengok cerita melayu kat tv sampai nangis2. then tgk movie org putih.. cerita bodoh je tapi layan jugak.. nak main game, dah bosan. tak de game baru. internet... tak menarik. dah bosan ngan facebook. dan tak de emel menarik nak balas. nak download movie.. slow bangat. baca novel.. hambar. telephone hubbyby 2-3 kali, tak berjawab, sms berkali2 tak respon.. depress!! biasala.. hubbyby kalo balik rumah mak, mesti tido je kerjanya.
nasib baik kul 8.15 mlm, dapat call kena gi spital tgk pengarah kesihatan negeri yang dapat eye trauma. terpaksa gagahkan diri keluar rumah malam2.. but alhamdulillah, bila dah kena bangun and keluar rumah, terpaksa la 'hidup' semula. on the way back, singgah kedai beli roti and juice. ingat nak cari ice cream, tapi tak de. kalo dapat double dutch.. sedap juga.
alhamdulillah, bangun hari ni lebih bersemangat. badan segar, dan dah tak loya2 lagi.
habis ward round, pergi town kejap. stop depan pustaka seri intan nak beli paper je, tapi biasala.. pompuan, bila dah nampak magazine.. ralit pulak belek magazine. akhirnya bila keluar.. hah!! kena saman parking. mesti hubbyby membebel kalo dapat tahu. rajin betul MPKT tu saman parking la ni..
then gi Ariani, nak cari tudung raya. belek2.. dapat la 2 helai, memang nak cari 2 helai pun. tapi baju raya ada 5 pasang lagi tak siap.. maknanya.. aktiviti beli tudung akan bersambung bila baju dah siap nanti. sempat ke siap?? ntah la.. yg tempah ngan cina 3 pasang.. sebulan je siap. 5 lagi tu ngan melayu.. ntah bila nak siap. camana melayu nak maju?
hari ni hubbyby pergi kb, harap2 dapatla hubbyby carikan ayam percik kb yg sedap tu..
Friday, August 20, 2010
derita seorang sahabat
pagi semalam sempat menjenguk sahabat di kamar hospital. sudah 2 minggu admitted. dehydrated, severe vomiting, tidak sebiji nasi pun dapat di telan. bukan baru 2 minggu, tapi sejak 10 minggu lalu. air kosong pun tak dapat ditelan. segala yang disuap, keluar semula. sehingga keluar blood-streaked vomitous.
dia yang sentiasa ceria, kini lemah tak bermaya. kurus dan cengkung. terlantar di katil. bukan senang nak jadi ibu.. banyak dugaannya. seperti kata beliau, lepas satu, satu derita menimpa. mulanya hanya tak lalu makan, kemudian muntah-muntah, terus sehingga fainting attack. demam panas. lelah yang datang dan pergi. kemudian orthostatic pleural effusion. dan terkini PV bleed. and last thursday, she finally aborted, tapi incomplete. saat diziarah, beliau menanggung contraction pain, sakit belakang dan lower abdomen. sama seperti mahu melahirkan. sakitnya belum berkesudahan. prosedur dirancang belum dapat dilakukan, dan beliau dipindahkan ke high dependancy room.
berat mata memandang, berat lagi bahu memikul. saat kita sibuk mencari rahmat dan ganjaran ramadhan, beliau terlantar tak mampu berbuat apa2.
semoga segalanya dipermudahkan untuk beliau. dan semoga beliau lekas pulih dan sembuh. doa kami mengiringinya.
we miss you, Dah. luv ya..
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
the danish poet
Saturday, August 14, 2010
another new companion
when i get new things in exchange for an old one, it doesn't mean that i hate the old one..
i really love my htc touch.. so much, that it's like a romance between me and the phone. it's a gift from hubbyby (he seldom buy me gifts), and the phone itself has some sentimental value of its own. i love its features and really like the user-friendly windows system. but i need to make way for a better and more reliable gadget. my htc has some unresolved issues.. and staying in this 'under-developed city' makes it difficult for me to get it repaired. it failed to function the way i need it to be last saturday.. and i need a replacement, fast.
since using htc, i prefer touch-screen phones. i was actually eyeing for htc desire, htc hdmini and htc legend. and apple iphone was also in the wish-list, slick and slim with a reputable performance. but.. it may be too expensive for the simple me, who would only be using the gadget for calls, texting, taking pictures (in the absence of my ixus), digital calendar/diary, making reminders and updating my 'to-do list'. i have good broadband service at home, therefore i may only need the internet service while i'm away from home.
since i need the new phone quite urgently, i didn't really have time to browse thru the net. a short discussion with hubbyby on the features that i need, and we make way to the shop that we're used to. the shop assistant handed me few items.. samsung wave (menarik!!), nokia e72, blackberry, and few other nokia phones. i finally end-up with..
haha.. ok, it doesn't look so trendy.. but i think it has good functions. and nokia has always produced reliable user-friendly phones. so that's it... my new nokia N97mini (in garnet). it measures 113 mm x 52 mm wide and 14 mm thick whilst weighing 138 grams. it also provides a 3.2 inch TFT touch screen that is able to display 16 million colours at a pixel screen size of 360 x 640. and it also has the full QWERTY keyboard which is an excellent addition (but keypad keras sikit and need to be put on a table br sedap pakai). so far, i byk guna virtual keypad (touchscreen). but its stylus sungguh tak menarik.. ;(
it also comes with a 5 megapixel camera with carl zeiss optics. a secondary camera is also included. got mp3/mp4 player and a built-in radio. 8Gb memory storage is included within the unit with the opportunity to double it to 16Gb by using the microSD slot provided. connectivity is provided by GPRS, EDGE, bluetooth and USB connection. juga ada GPS and is bundled with the popular nokia maps.
hmm.. belum habis explore the new phone.. tak sempat dan tak pandai. nak tanya hubbyby pun dia bukan jenis IT savvy. nampak gaya his nokia e71 pun kita yg akan update kan nanti.
though dlm hati still wishing for iphone.. but i'm happy with this N97mini.
'biar alah membeli, tapi menang memakai' ;p
Thursday, August 12, 2010
nostalgia ramadhan
ramadhan kembali..
saat ke masjid menunaikan terawikh di malam pertama ramadhan selasa lepas, hati tiba2 terkenang ramadhan yang telah lalu.. teringat bulan puasa dulu2.
kanak2 sekarang beruntung dan lebih bagus berbanding dulu. umur masih di tadika sudah berpuasa. kita dulu, darjah satu.. baru puasa yang-yuk, balik sekolah bukak periuk. darjah dua baru kita mula puasa, itupun, cuma 8 hari je (kawan2 kat sekolah pun sama).. masuk darjah 3, dapat la 27 hari.. 3 hari tewas kepada godaan adik2. hehe.. masa tu tengok adik makan roti ngan planta pun macam ahh.. sungguh lazat! tapi.. kita tak pernah curi2 makan. setiap kali tak tahan mesti bagitau mak. kiranya, berbuka ngan izin la..
ingat lagi masa kecik2 dulu, sungguh excited nak puasa. tapi susahnya nak bangun sahur.. makan sambil mata separuh terpejam. kemudian sama2 baca niat puasa depan ayah. paling seronok time lepak lepas sahur sambil tunggu subuh. kita adik beradik akan duduk dalam gelap kat ruang tamu, sambil kakak bercerita itu-ini. dalam tahun 1980.. kita puasa bulan july/ogos. masa tu kakak2 balik summer holidays from UK.. so masa sahur ni, kita akan sama2 melantak coklat dr UK yang ahhh... sangat sedap dan sedap dan sedap!!
bila bukak puasa, selain masak lauk, mak akan masak kueh.. and kita bagi2 kat jiran. kita pun dapat merasa kueh jiran. bagus tul zaman tu.. semangat kejiranan yang jitu. kalau time sahur nampak dapur jiran belakang rumah still gelap, mak akan suruh kita tepon kejutkan depa bangun sahur.
bukak puasa memang best, makan sama2.. kueh and lauk penuh meja.. ye la.. adik beradik ramai. meriah! sampai sekarang, berbuka di rumah che memang meriah dan gamat.. cucunya dah dekat 50 orang!! nasib baik cucu perempuan ramai, boleh tolong2 kat dapur.
seronok juga bila ingat terawikh. rumah kita memang dekat ngan masjid, so senang je gi masjid, tak yah ikut mak, boleh gi sendiri je. biasanya pakat dulu ngan member, then jalan sama2 gi masjid. budak2.. biasala, bersosial yang lebih.. kami duduk saf belakang2, and suka cakap macam2. dulu imam baca laju sangat2, and baca surah pendek2 (ayat lazim), tak macam imam tahfiz sekarang. so, kalo solat 20 rakaat tu cepat je habis. meriahnya terawikh bila menyahut bacaan in between the solat terawikh.. suka!! tapi sebab penat.. kami suka melengah2kan angkat takbir. bila org dah aminkan fatihah, baru angkat takbiratulihram. pastu, bila org solat witir, kita dah sibuk kemas2, bersedia menolong org sediakan jamuan lepas terawikh (moreh). rajin betul bab tolong jamuan ni.. sebab blh makan lebih. biasanya setiap rumah kat taman guru akan gilir2 sediakan jamuan.
kita tak de experience main meriam buluh, tengok pun tak pernah. tak leh bayangkan pun camana meriam buluh. kita setakat main bunga api dan mercun das yang keluar banyak2 color tu. kita ada balcony yang luas kat tingkat atas rumah, and kat situ la kita main mercun tu, bila cousin datang ramai2 baru main kat halaman rumah. masa tu, supplier mercun yang cantik2 tu was pak su who was staying in singapore. cukup seronok tunggu pak su balik.. mesti ada mercun and coklat banyak2. hehe.. memang satu family hantu coklat. tapi bila pak su dah kawin in 1981, dah tak dapat mercun lg. huhu.. rasa sungguh sedih bila pak su kawin.
tapi.. ada satu kenangan bulan puasa yang sangat best. that was while kita masih duduk kampung.. maybe masa umur 4-5 tahun. ingat2 lupa... tapi kita masih ingat meriahnyer ramai org datang rumah kita. org dewasa datang tgk musabaqah, budak2 main2 kat luar rumah... sambil minum air limau kasturi dan main bunga api. rumah ayah memang selalu jadi tumpuan masa kat kampung. everytime balik kg tengok tapak rumah ayah tu... satu perasaan yg tak tahu nak cerita.. nostalgia.. sekarang tapak rumah ayah tu kami dah jadikan tempat untuk student tahfiz berekreasi.
dan best juga bila ingat pergi shopping kasut raya, dan bila dah dapat baju raya. tak boleh nak imagine camana belanja ayah dan che nak sediakan persalinan raya untuk kami semua. ye la.. adik beradik 10 orang. tapi, rasanya baju raya sentiasa ade 2-3 pasang. and bila kakak2 dah start masuk university, depa banyak tolong che. rasanya, che setakat tempah baju kurung je for us, dress and baju lain2 kakak2 yg beli. hehe.. masa tu seronok, dapat baju from kl and oversea.
kami juga rajin buat biskut raya. kita buat dua team in the family, and lawan buat biskut raya. semua kami buat sendiri, ikut resipi dalam magazine. bila time berbuka, sibuk nak merasa yg mana yg sedap. che tak pernah buat biskut raya, dia cuma buat kek je. tapi sekarang, dah tak sempat buat... semua beli je.
haa.. ini gambar malam raya, with cousins. ccuba teka mana satu kita? haa.. yang duduk depan sekali pakai baju merah. dan pak su is the one at the back pakai baju melayu hitam, masa ni dia baru balik from UK, baru abis study. ayah was also standing at the back, pakai songkok and bush jacket berdiri dua dari kanan. suka tgk ayah.. handsome :)
itu semua kenangan hampir 30 tahun yang lalu... hmm.. sungguh2 sudah tua kita! sekarang kami semua dah berjauhan. kat kb cuma ada che dan ayah. kesian mereka tinggal berdua. lebih sayu mengenangkan che adakalanya berbuka sendirian sbb ayah terpaksa berbuka di masjid. minggu lepas kami balik kb, mereka sungguh gembira. minggu ni syam and kakrah akan balik berbuka dgn mereka. kami akan pulang mungkin 2 minggu lagi. next week on call. walau sesibuk mana pun kita, luangkanlah sedikit masa utk kedua ibubapa.. apalah sangat kepenatan travel berbanding keseeronokan mereka berbuka dgn anak2 dan cucu2. berbaktilah selagi mereka ada..
selain beribu ganjaran ramadhan, bulan ini juga penuh rahmat dalam merapatkan hubungan keluarga dan silaturahim sesama insan.
ihya ramadhan!!
Sunday, August 1, 2010
finally..
Ever since I was a baby girl I had a dream
Cinderella theme , crazy as it seems
Always knew that deep inside that there would come that day
That I would have to wait, make so many mistakes
I couldn't comprehend as I watched it unfold
This classic story told I left it in the cold
Walking through unopened doors that led me back to you
Each one unlocking more of the truth
I finally stopped tripping on my youth
I finally got lost inside of you
I finally know I needed to grow
And finally my mate has met my soul
I remember the beginning you already knew
I acted like a fool, just trying to be cool
Frontin' like it didn't matter, I just ran away
Put on another face, was lost in my own space
Found what it's like to hurt selfishly
I was scared to give of me
Afraid to just believe
I was in a jealous, insecure, pathetic place
Stumbled through the mess that I had made
I finally got out of my own way
I've finally started living for today
I finally know I needed to grow
And finally my mate has met my soul
Finally
Now my destiny can begin
Though we will have our differences
Something strange and new is happening
Finally
Now my life doesn't seem so bad
It's the best that I've ever had
Give my love to him finally..
(Finally by Fergie)
Saturday, July 31, 2010
pergi..
"sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. there is a time for silence. a time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. and a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it's all over" ~ Gloria Naylor
Friday, July 30, 2010
the time traveller's wife
btw, last week was quite a sad week. after a day learning that a fellow blogger is fighting death in ICU, she finally died.. due to a metastatic breast cancer. she suffered the disease for 8 years. she wrote her experiences in her blog.. i cried for her for two consecutive days.. and today, reading elviza's writing (blog: write away) an obituary on her brings back the tears.. may Dalilah Tamrin aka Raden Galoh be placed in Jannah. you can visit her blog and read all her wonderful posts at http://onebreastbouncing.blogspot.com/ and at facebook.
"out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars." ~ Khalil Gibran
******************************************************************************
selama menyepi ni, i have been reading. lately, i would ensure i read at least a few pages before going to sleep. lepas baca buku utk sofea, i would read to myself, sambil tunggu mata ngantuk. tv pun dah jarang tengok, kecuali rancangan kanak2. dan i'm back into games. haha.. tapi now dah mula rasa boring ngan game tu coz dah succeeded in revealing almost all the puzzles.
i managed to finish reading a book last week. it is 'the time traveller's wife'. wah.. cerita ni sungguh best. it's a love story actually.. but written in such a sweet and wonderful way. kan i pernah kata, i tak minat romance novel, but this is different.
it is about a librarian, Henry, who was born with a genetic disorder that causes him to 'time-travel' unpredictably. bila2 masa je dia akan boleh travel either to the future or the past. and he couldn't control it.
dlm masa dia time travel tu, dia jumpa ngan Clare, who was only 6 y.o at that time, and he was 32. entah macam mana, dia selalu dapat time travel to see clare. and he watched clare grows, from a little girl to a young woman. bila clare dah 18, dia dah tak jumpa clare lagi. clare grew up waiting for the guy to come from the future. he would turned up at a meadow near her house and they would chat and do her homework together. and clare silently admired henry, and wished that they would really be with each other in the real time, somewhere in the future.
they only met in real life when clare was 20 and henry was 28. they married each other. but life after that was not easy. kalau masa kecik, clare was always waiting for henry to come from the future. bila dah betul2 kawin, clare has to bear with his absence as henry would time travel bila2 masa je. and he would be away for a few minutes or even days and weeks.
another problem was when they decided to have a child. it was difficult. clare kept on having abortions, one after another. finally they went to seek help. found out that it was a genetic problem. and the cause of abortion was because the fetus was time-traveling. after 5 abortions, henry finally make a decision for vasectomy sbb dia tak nak clare suffer the pain of abortions anymore. he made the decision alone, and clare was really upset when she discovered about it. she wanted a baby. but clare got pregnant again, she conceived after meeting a younger henry from the past, yg blm buat vasectomy. and kali ni the pregnancy was successful. as it runs genetically, their daughter also time-travels.
the last few episodes were really sad.. knowing when you have to go and leave your loved ones. henry was shot while he time-traveled... and after the death, clare was still waiting for henry to come from the past. isn't waiting such a torment..?
it was really touching and sad. terisak2 kita menangis malam tu before tidur.. sampai bengkak mata the next day. it's a beautiful love story, about two people trying to adapt to their differences. having to cope with life difficulties which is far from expectations. ain't life full of surprises?
"true love stories never have endings, for love should never ends.."
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
viva espana!!
should have written about this earlier, but was quite busy since the last 2 days.. haha.. busy qadha tidur!
and last nite, after sofea terjaga.. feeling nauseated and vomited at around 2 am, kita terus macam tido2 ayam. pagi tadi, pukul 4 pagi dah bangkit, buat apa yang patut and perlu... dan akhirnya gi turun tgk movie. rasa sunyi pula bila the world cup dah over.
and Spain made it as the new world cup champion, on their very first world cup final ever. the dutch, who played quite a dirty game terpaksa berpuas hati as runner up, after 3 attempts so far.
was expecting a tight game, and not many goals. my prediction was they would end up the 90 minutes game with a draw, and still couldn't find a winner after the extension time.. best juga tgk org kalah penalti masa final... the players yg konon tough tu pun boleh nangis. but actually menang penalty tu sebenarnya lebih pada nasib.. so tak best gak.
but torres finally made a good pass form the left side to fabregas, who made a beautiful pass to iniesta, who scored the winning goal. that was at about 2 or 3 minutes before the referree blew the whistle. iker casillas was seen crying thankfully even before the whistle was blown.
and i was so very happy... coz my heroes, torres and fabregas finally contributed towards the winning of spain walaupun they didn't really shine earlier on. suka tengok the prize giving ceremony.. i did shed some tears!
orang yang i paling kesian was robben.. sungguh macam lipas kudung, berlari ke sana ke mari, but failed to get a goal. sneijder unfortunately didn't have much opportunity that night, kena kawal ketat. but the dutch was really playing a dirty game. alonso was kicked in the chest. and the oranje received 9 yellow cards, and one got the red card.
germany's young anchor person, thomas mueller received the best young player award and the golden boot. memang layak pun.. dia memang hebat. his absence in the semi final against spain was really felt, many people believed the result would have been different if he was playing. and even though david villa didn't get the golden boot, there was no doubt that he played a significant role in bringing spain to the final. too bad he didn't get a goal in the final itself. otherwise, he would have won the golden boot.
iker casillas received the golden glove award, for being the most outstanding goalkeeper in the 2010 world cup. he is 29, and have a few more years to prove that he can be as legendary as dino zoff (italy, 1982) or oliver kahn (germany, 2006).
uruguay's diego forlan received the golden ball award. he amazed many people with his skillful football and attacking ability, and being instrumental in bringing the average uruguay into the semi final and finishing fourth.
2010 also observed many surprises.. france and italy didn't make it to round 16. england and portugal pun tak menyerlah sangat walaupun portugal menang besar dgn north korea. brazil and argentina didn't make it to semi final.. nevertheless, i'm glad argentina didn't win the cup. otherwise.. rasanya tak sanggup nak melihat maradona mengotakan janjinya. it might not be a good sight to watch. haha..
and everyone would remember Paul the Octopus, who made accurate predictions in 8 matches in this world cup. lepas ni banyak la pulak org nak bela sotong agaknya.. :)
Sunday, July 11, 2010
waka waka ei ei
masa world cup 2010 bermula, kita sedang bercuti di KB, together with almost all family members yang lain.. memang seronok borak2 kosong pasal bola. kita bukannya reti sangat the technical things, but mmg enjoy watching it. dan pasukan pilihan kita pada waktu itu adalah SPAIN. why did i chose spain? main reason.. sebab kita rasa spain ada ramai stars yg memang bagus - david villa, torres, david silva, iker casillas, fabregas, iniesta, ramos, xabi alonso, xavi and puyol. most of them plays for barcelona and real madrid. but kali ni torres macam lembik sikit (maybe bcoz of the hamstring injury), and the so cute fabregas hanya jadi substitute.
pilihan kedua is my all time favourite dari dulu lagi... Germany. dari kita start tgk world cup in 1982, tak tahu kenapa germany (previously, west germany) memang menarik. dari zaman ruminigge, schumacher, sampailah pierre littbarski, rudi voeller, klinsman, matthaeus, ballack, klose.. tapi kali ni depa hantar young team... so kita tak menaruh harapan sgt.
lain2.. yang kita rasa ada potential adalah argentina and brazil (2 team wajib). even though england 'bunyinya' macam bagus.. tapi ianya lebih kurang team malaysia... banyak cakap dari hasil. huha..huha.. je lebih. jujurnya kita tak menaruh harapan pada the oranje netherlands, uruguay or paraguay.
but bila dah nak masuk round of 16.. nampak germany sungguh gah.. they're fast, rajin attack, speedy counter-attack, good defense and never gave up. menakjubkan team muda ni. sampai satu masa... after beating england 4-1 and argentina 4-0, kita rasa.. nothing will stop them. they'll gonna win the cup. mueller, klose, schweinsteiger, podolski, oezil mc dreamy eyes, lahm, friederich... memang mantap!!
semi final germany vs spain.. i was supporting germany. but the game was very tight and tense. sangat berhati2, no dangerous and daring tackle. yellow cards pun tak banyak melayang, rasanya satu je malam tu. tambah2 mueller tak leh main, germany nampak sungguh buntu dan klose pujaan tampak kaku. semuanya main cam dah kena beli!! dan spain yang juga memang sangat bagus finally got the goal. dan kita rasa kepala Puyol memang power habis malam tu. spain won. frust juga lah..
kita tak sangka the oranje juga hebat (dan ramai yang botak macho!!).. sneidjer, robben and van persie made a really good combination. they're also fast dan memang pandai menyelinap dan attack. tgk robben cam lipas kudung. defense sangat kebal juga. didn't expect them to beat brazil. and the game against uruguay was also very entertaining. uruguay's diego forlan sangat skillful, not forgetting cavani yg baru kita kenal. players uruguay lain kita tak kenal sangat.
so.. final ni camana? dua2 bagus. baik spain, mahu pun holland the oranje. jadi kita support kedua2nya.. tapi dalam hati.. kita ade sikit lebih towards spain. haha..
anyways, this time around many stars failed to shine or got at least a goal. messi, torres, kaka, ronaldo, van persie, rooney are among those yang menggigit jari.
yang betul2 menonjol... mueller (never heard of him before!), david villa, sneijder, klose, iniesta, ramos, schweinsteiger, robben, xavi, alonso, casillas, forlan and cavani (from the semi final onwards).
tapi, yang lebih popular.. semestinya Paul the Octopus. ahh.. kalau la boleh di buat sotong celup tepung kan sedap!!
Thursday, July 1, 2010
girly talk
one of the things that my daughter, sofea likes to do whenever we had a quiet time together is having a look at my tummy. it doesn't mean that my tummy is sooo amazingly beautiful, but it certainly is not that buncit as compared to many other married women. it's fairly flat. haha..! tapi yang mahalnya.. it bears the prove that i once carried my babies inside it. i do have some stretch marks, though not so prominent.
last night, i asked sofea.. what kind of mother she wanted me to be? her answer was simple.. she wants me to be like Seri (my sister no. 7, which is her aunt). why is that so? because... Seri has 5 children, and recently, Seri gave birth to baby Hana. sofea loves hana sooo much, dia buat budak tu cam anak patung, and berani angkat that 2 months old baby. she was like an assistant to Seri during the one week holiday that we had about 2 weeks ago.
i told Sofea, it's not easy to get pregnant, and its not easy being pregnant and giving birth.
i spent the later part of my pregnancy (for sofea) alone as i was transferred to KT, and hubbyby was still in kb. i had to face the difficulty in breathing late at night alone, had to bear the aching muscle cramps alone in the early mornings. had everything ready in a small bag in my car, just in case anything happened. when the doctors felt that i need to be admitted for observation and c-section, i told my boss.. but the way she looked at me made me decided to finish the clinic for the day before making my way alone to the ward. my hubbyby only came a few hours later. i need to be operated to gave birth to her. and i showed her the barely visible caesarian scar. i explained to her how the op was done. and how happy i was when i heard her crying the moment the doctor pulled her out. but i was shivering all the way.. it was sooo cold! she listened...
after that we changed subjects and i cuddled her in my arms so that she can go to sleep faster (ummi wants to finish reading a book!).
suddenly she opened her eyes and whispered to me... "ummi, sofea takut la nak beranak.."
haha... ketawa kita dibuatnya.. she is only 5, and already thinking about giving birth!
girl, you still have a long way to go.. :)
Saturday, June 26, 2010
mentari masih bersinar
dah nak abis bulan jun... dan dah separuh rejab. kejap lg syaaban, pastu masuk ramadhan..
cepatnye masa berlalu.
dan rupanya dah lebih setahun badan saya mengecil.. lost weight. dan masih belum pick-up. yesterday, i wore my favourite black jeans yang dah lama terperap dalam almari, pinggangnya masih longgar dan perlu pakai belt. saya tak suka pakai belt, rimas!
alhamdulillah, selera makan dah kembali dan saya melantak sungguh2 waktu cuti seminggu yang lepas. rasanya blm banyak weight gain lagi. my BMI masih 18-19. but i feel good. untuk baju raya kali ni, saya dah alter ukuran.. semua buat ikut current measurements sebab baju dulu2 memang dah tersangat longgar dan terasa macam pakai baju orang lain. kalau badan kembali naik, dan baju baru2 tu dah mula ketat, kita buat je la baju baru.. hehe..
i have also repeated my blood test. banyak giler amik blood! alhamdulillah, everything is okay. dah banyak kali saya fikir nak buat brain imaging - be it MRI or CT scan, tapi saya sebenarnya takut... memang selalu jg ada headache.. tapi selalunya ia berlaku bila saya lapar, stress dan sometimes bila saya tak de kerja. saya juga selalu fikir nak buat KUB x-ray sebab sumtimes ada loin pain, tapi selalu defer sbb saya sangat mengharap utk pregnant dan tak nak ada risk radiation. but my renal profile is ok, so i think it should be ok, kan :) tapi lately, saya rasa ada finger stiffness.. bukan early morning, tapi mlm2 bila sejuk, lepas main computer games dan bila terlalu lama pegang buku. what sign is that? aging? it somehow makes me think... berapa lama lg i blh buat op? i need fine finger movements to do op.. need more exercise!!
beberapa minggu lepas, saya dan anak2 selongkar gambar2 lama. dan saya seronok tgk gambar2 lama saya yang sedikit berisi dan tembam. haha.. gambar masa muda, nampak lebih berseri..
ape pun, yang penting, saya rasa sihat. dan saya mahu menikmati kehidupan ini sepenuhnya sebelum ape2 berlaku pada saya. dan saya seronok kembali dapat concentrate membaca dan berganti dari satu buku ke satu buku. dan saya seronok meluangkan masa bersama anak2. saya tidak mahu fikir perkara2 pelik, dan mahu sentiasa tersenyum setiap hari.
ehmm.. bestnye kalo dapat makan walnut brownies fr secret recipe.. :)
Thursday, June 24, 2010
it's that way, isn't it?
a few nights later, i was sitting by grandma's bed, reading a book to her. it's evening. i looked up; grandma seems to be asleep. i stopped reading and closed the book. her eyes open.
"hello," i said.
"do you ever miss him?" she asked me.
"everyday. every minute."
"every minute," she said. "yes, it's that way, isn't it?" she turned on her side and burrowed into the pillow.
"good night," i said, turning out the lamp. as i stood in the dark looking down at grandma in her bed, self-pity flooded me as though i have been injected with it. it's that way, isn't it?
isn't it?
oohh.. how i wish i can time-travel..
Sunday, June 20, 2010
my bucket list
mana tak nya.. many of my patients now are around my age. and kita dengan muka selambanya addressed them as 'kak'. bila tengok IC, rupanya umur lebih kurang, and some are even younger than me. nowadays, i really reserve 'mak cik' and 'pak cik' to patients who really looks like nenek or atuk. otherwise, i addressed male patients as 'encik'. even though its nicer to address female patients as 'puan', rasa sungguh tak mesra dan plastik. but may be i should start using 'puan'. tak best jugak kalo org panggil kita mak cik kan?
in the fb forum, many of my friends also merungut bila people call them makcik. entah la.. memang dah kena sedar diri, dah sampai masa kita. some of my friends dah ada anak yg masuk IPT.. agaknya, since my eldest son is only 10, terasa macam not so old.. walhal, kita yang kawin sedikit lewat dari org lain. nak buat camana, dah nak jadi doctor, parents dah bg syarat, study habis2 dulu baru boleh kawin.
ooppss, melalut pulak!
back to main issue.. takut tua? tak.. tapi sedikit sebanyak ada rasa gusarnya nak masuk 40 dlm masa 2 tahun lagi. jujurnya, dulu bila nak masuk 30, tak de perasaan ape2 pun. the twenties tu sebenarnya.. sangat budak2, emotional tak tentu pasal, suka berangan.. but you'll feel the difference bila nak masuk 40... percayalah..
why?? i don't know.. but i really feel good in the thirties. bg perempuan, umur 30an dikira paling bagus.. matured, wise and smart, rational, confident, sensible and stable in so many ways (family life, spiritually, financially and career-wise). and i believe all those things make-up an attractive personality, and make women appeared beautiful. okaayyy... i know, and have always accepted the fact that i'm not a person with a pretty face, but believe me, prettiness is not everything.. ;D as long as mr hubbyby still finds me beautiful in his eyes, that is more than enough. and i feel good with it. dan kita sentiasa berdoa semoga ada ruang untuk self improvement. lebih sabar dan dapat lebih menjaga tuturkata dan tingkahlaku. dan sudah tentu.. untuk lebih dekat kepadaNya.
aahh.. lagi dua bulan nak menginjak usia 39.. pada umur ini, my mom already got 10 children. dan saya cuma ada 2 orang anak2 yang comel.
dan saya masih terasa seperti kanak2 riang yang belum puas nak melompat di tengah padang permainan. belum puas main buaian... belum puas berkongsi hilai tawa dengan teman. dan masih banyak perkara yang masih belum saya dapat buat...
* i wish i could swim
* i wish i could ride a bicycle well and confidently.
* i want to do bungee jumping or base-jump.. mampukan jadi kenyataan??
* i want to get on a roller coster ride dan menghayati keseronokannya sebelum jantung saya terkejut.
* i want to try ice-skating
* i want to try paragliding and rock-climbing
* i wish i could learn playing the piano well.. and be able to play the songs that i love.
itu semua cita2 kanak2 kan?? sebab itu saya masih terasa seperti kanak2 riang. alangkah seronoknya kalau menjadi kenyataan...
pada usia begini, saya juga ada keinginan lain..
* mahu cepat ke tanah suci menunaikan rukun Islam kelima, moga dapat haji mabrur.. insyaAllah
* mahu lebih mengawal tuturkata dan tingkah laku.. serta mengawal amarahku..
* mahu lebih tunduk dan berbaik sangka dan bersyukur dengan apa yang ada
* mahu melibatkan diri dengan kerja2 kebajikan dan menjadi sukarelawan..
* mahu travel dan melihat lebih banyak negara orang.. paling tidak pun, saya harap saya sampai juga ke UK.. saya dibesarkan melihat ramai ahli keluarga ke sana, tapi saya sendiri masih belum berkesempatan.. ini impian dari kecil..
* mahu lebih mahir di dapur..
* mahu menjadi ibu yang baik dan isteri solehah untuk suami tersayang..
dan saya tiada cita2 menjadi kaya raya, dan tiada cita2 mahu mendapat title JUSA.
life is beautiful... enjoy it!!
Thursday, June 10, 2010
jadilah awang
siang ke ayoh,
jadilah isap dadoh.
baliklah Awang tulong ayoh wat khije bbaruh.
peyingat leboh tebuan janji doh
mung dia ni dok ketik.
kubao bbaruh ajok mung kubang,
kambing ayoh ajok mung khabat bukit,
ayang lagok ajok mung main galoh panjang.
baliklah Awang,
Ayoh nok ajor mung semayang berimang,
dok pasal juge mung bilang bulang bitang.
Awang,
mung kang laki,
bakpe dok panda pilih heroing,
tergha dulu makang petai, dok payoh makang ganja.
tinggallah daun ketung, tergha pulok makang ma'jong.
Awang, belajo makang bubur lambok,
mane tau buleh ganti ubak batuk.
tinggallah dadoh hei Awang,
pagi ikut ayoh gi noreh getoh,
tinggallah syabu ecstacy,
balik krumoh mok rebuh tongkat Ali.
Awang,
dulu mung gemuk setuku,
le ning kuruh ceding, lawo kucing.
Jadilah Awang,
Ayoh ingat lagi jamang budok mung panda cabut ubi,
Ayoh rindu nok tengok mung pikul padi uboh dalam kembong.
Ayoh suke tengok mung dok dangao tarik layuk hambat burung,
mata kherling anok Klesom.
jamang mung kecik
Ayoh warning tikuh jangan berambat, takut mung kejut.
Ayoh sms ke katok suruh panggil ujang,
nok suruhnye mung tido panjang.
bila mung beso mung jadi hanyut.
pademu makan bende busuk,
baik mung makan rumput.
sedap mate tengok mung gemuk.
Jadilah Awang,
baliklah ayoh nok suruh mung jadi orang.
ayoh piak, ayoh debok, bukan benci ke mung.
mok baloh nge ayoh mmalang,
mok lari kelek kusang,
mung tetap mok mmenang.
kalu tin Milo ayoh tu mahal,
ayoh nok gada
nok cari petue dadoh ganja,
nok suruh mung tinggal.
Awang,
kite bukang orang kaye.
Ayoh noreh getoh, mok mung jual gambir.
kalu mung beghenti isap dadoh,
kulit mung lembut macang kulit ayoh.
tinggallah dadoh tu Awang.
baliklah.. mok nok ajor mung semayang.
hasil ilham:
Brahim - Kuala Berang
Jadilah Awang - Sajak Kuala Berang...
Friday, May 28, 2010
p/s I love you..
ooppss!! jangan salah sangka.. bukan cinta baru. juga bukan cinta beralih arah.
ia cuma tajuk novel cecelia ahern yang banyak kali ku renung, ku tatap, ku belek. tetapi ia tidak berjaya membuat aku membelinya. akhirnya.. cuma menonton filemnya. i do not read romance novels.. too idealistic and too good to be true.
p/s I Love You.. berkisar tentang Holly yang tiba2 kehilangan suami, akibat brain tumour. she was still young. kelakar dan sedih melihat cara Holly menangani kehilangannya. sebulan selepas kematian, pada hari lahirnya, Holly menerima suprise birthday cake... bersama surat, kedua2nya dari suami yang telah pergi..
cintanya suami pada isteri.. since he knew that he was dying, the hubby wrote letters for her and carefully planned that the letters would reach Holly every day. untuk menemani isteri menerima kehilangannya, dan menempuhi kehidupan baru tanpa suami di sisi. he even planned a holiday for Holly with her friends..
it was a romantic comedy, makes me smile and laugh and cry.. tapi tak cukup best. rating..3/5. biasa-biasa aje.
cuma.. kita terbayang, bagaimana kalau ia terjadi pada kita.. it wouldn't be easy.
teringat lagi, masa sekolah.. sering terfikir bagaimana kalau Tok Ayah tiba2 pergi.. dah jadi rutin, before bertolak ke asrama, mesti salam, peluk cium dengan Tok Ayah. tetapi the last time i left him.. kita terlewat, dalam kalut, terlupa untuk bersalam dengan Tok Ayah. masa dlm kereta, mentioned that to dad.. tapi ayah kata dah lambat. sewaktu Tok Ayah pergi, cuma kita yang tiada di sisi. semua yang lain pulang ke KB, tapi mereka lupa pada kita di Kuala Pilah. by the time they called me.. it was already too late. Tok Ayah passed away while i was trying to get permission from the warden utk balik. menangis sepanjang malam.. baca Yaasin dan Quran pun dalam sedu sedan. since i was supposed to have end semester exam the next day, my parents said i should wait sampai habis exam. lama jugak asyik bermimpi Tok Ayah..
facing a lost is not easy.. perlu kekuatan dan ketabahan, dan keimanan yang jitu.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
the 'sickening' reason
am on leave today. a protest??
no. i don't really need this leave actually. tapi saje je nak cuti. am the only specialist in the department who have so many leaves not taken, sehingga berlebih2 utk di masukkan ke golden handshake scheme. kononnya utk kepentingan perkhidmatan. ahh.. (geleng kepala!). cukup laa.. tiada siapa yang menghargainya!
i think i finally got the answer to my question, yesterday. emo? NO. i had mixed feelings about it. anger, pain, hate, regret, sad, bitterness. but it was kinda.. funny too. KELAKAR..!! melatah?? NO. i believe everything happens for a reason. there must be something that the Almighty Allah wants me to learn from this. terkadang kita alpa. need to be rational, and look at it with wisdom. no matter how hard for me to accept it. the cut is real deep inside.. and it bleeds.
honestly, i don't feel like talking to that person anymore. don't even want to see that face, or listen to that voice. allergic. hatred might be the correct word. forgive me if it sounds harsh, just couldn't help it. that's how i felt. no forgiveness.. not at this moment.
and it makes me real sad and feel so bad, coz i am a person who love peace. and my heart is so full of love for the people around me. siapalah kita di sisiNya untuk membenci dan tidak memaafkan seorang makhluk lain..
and i also feel so bad, coz a friend who is really close to my heart, whom i really care about, became victimized by the sickening 'reason'. it's so unfair. i just couldn't accept it.
but life goes on.. and i still have to see that face, and listen to that voice. but that's life.. so long as you live and work, you will be misunderstood; to that you must resign yourself once and for all.
the real test of courage is much quieter, ...like standing alone when you're misunderstood!
but i know i'm not alone. help me, o' Allah..
Monday, May 10, 2010
mother's day
after all the embracing, hugging and kissing, i asked sofea - cikgu cakap tak hari ni hari apa? she replied - mmm... hari ahad! haha.. sofea.. so cute as ever. yesterday morning, she called me from school and said - ummi, cikgu cakap hari ni selamat hari jadi ibu... semua-semua orang.. :)
happy mother's day!