camp along edi

december 31st 2009 - today is edi's last day in office. come 2010, he will be working in another department.

didn't have a chance to bid a proper good bye, as he "disappeared" from the clinic earlier than he's supposed so. nape lari? a few postulations.. (edi, sila jawab MCQ di bawah)

• dia malas nak jumpa boss


• dia dah sedih sangat sampai sebak nak cakap bye2 to everyone


• dia dah merajuk, kecik hati sebab ditukarkan keluar dan tak de big boss nak fight for him to stay


• dia memang tak sabar2 nak keluar oftal

edi is the type of person who kept his feelings to himself, looks like he wanted to stay. tapi biasa la lelaki, control macho, so dia punya action is the opposite la.. hehe betul tak?? jangan la merajuk dik.. :) sedih betul bila i tgk you kemaskan pigeon hole you tadi. am so used to sharing the table with you..

personally, it's a sad thing - to lose a competent person like edi. not bcoz he's my 'favourite MO' as everybody says so, but to me, he is really good. hey! i'm not biased. he is a committed doctor, surgically talented, nice to patients, dare to take risk tapi tak memandai2. he will always ask for 2nd opinion when in doubt, and good in documentation. he also has a critical mind with an attitude. he is one of a few reliable MOs that i can trust in the department. hmm... edi must be smiling reading all these..

is he really my favourite MO? i sayang all my MOs. semua pernah kena marah, semua pernah kena puji. sape bagus kita bagi credit. but personally, i think i can work well with edi, and i have no problem with him. we have no communication barrier, and we're free and at ease to express our views. so.. senang nak kerja. edi also has a cooling factor on me, kalau bad mood pun boleh cool down.. why? i have no answer to that question.

but, edi, there are still a few things that you need to improve. paling penting, you need to read. we cannot talk without knowledge, smart people can easily read a person who likes to 'goreng'. our 'basic' must be good. must upgrade your confidence level. everyone has some sort of stage fright and tension bila kena buat presentation, and you really need to work on this. your language is fairly good, tak yah nak risau, you just need to speak out loud, and know your subjects well. bila you confident ngan apa yg you nak cakap, everything will be smooth. trust me! a lot of things will be a lot easier if you work it out, look at it logically and use a lot of common sense (which is not so common nowadays!).

i wish you luck in paeds! you'll be a lot busier and i doubt you would have time for your PS3 games (too bad, Gods of War 3 will be released soon!). but you'll have fun with the children, and at the same time tak sampai hati tgk budak2 comel tu sakit. that was how i feel when i was in paeds. being in paeds also taught me about patience, coz it's really stupid to lose your temper to children. and losing your cute little patients would really break your heart and bring tears to your eyes.

may 2010 be a wonderful and meaningful year to you. wish you all the best, and hope you would CLIMB for success.

i really wish you would come back to us after 4 months. we need people like you. come and camp along with us, edi. camp along in ophthalmology.

we gonna miss you. and i would really do :( do keep in touch.. i'll always be there for you in good and bad times. count me on, i can be a friend to rely on. and jgn lupa kita bila nak bina masjid ye..

thanks for the wonderful lunch (next time belanja lagi!). and i dedicate the following song specially for you.

there's always gonna be another mountain and an uphill battle, gotta be strong.. keep pushing on!

homealone

homealone tonite. hubbyby and the children balik besut.

sunyi.. sepi.. rasa sungguh kosong.

tak tahu kenapa malam ni kita tak ngantuk, walhal semalam kita tak boleh tido after receiving a phone call. may be last nite i slept sooo soundly hingga tercatat "9 missed calls" before i picked-up the phone. pecah rekod.

entah kenapa juga, di tengah2 malam ini, jiwa kita terasa sungguh sayu. tiba2 teringat perjalanan yang kita rancang masih belum terlaksana. terasa di panggil-panggil ke sana. mungkin ini yang orang kata 'rindu'. bila rezeki kita ke sana? moga dipermudahkan. suci kan jiwa, hati dan perasaan. rasanya, terlalu banyak titik hitam yang perlu kita bersihkan sebagai persediaan ke sana.

sayu.. sedih..

petang tadi kita loose temper, meradang, naik suara, sampai semua org menikus ngan kita. alhamdulillah, kita dpt cool-down before balik rumah. tapi biasa la.. lepas kita meradang, kita akan rasa bersalah ngan org2 yg kena marah tu. rasanya agak lama jg kita tak loose temper, tapi tadi memang tak leh control. sejak tadi duk berkira2, nak beli apa utk org yg kena sembur tadi. bukan nak ambik hati, tapi sbg tanda maaf.

kita juga sedang berkira-kira untuk sambung belajar. buat sub-specialty. hubbyby dah lama bg greenlight, cuma kita yang malas. i'm not an ambitious person, but you just don't feel good being stagnant.. everyday doing the same thing, follow the same routine, day by day, week by week. boring. rasa nak explore something more challenging. kita pun dah rasa mcm byk buat kerja at spinal level. must take-up some challenge, bagi otak fikir lebih sikit. cuma kita kena boost-up kita nyer confidence level.. biasa la org low profile cam kita ni, selalu rasa inferior! kdg2 kita envy pada org2 yg bukan la bagus sangat tapi depa ada great confidence level that make them appeared charismatic. tak pe, be yourself!

at the moment tgh layan lagu ari lasso n bcl - aku dan dirimu. lagi rasa sayu tak pasal2. lepas ni nak layan bryan adams - straight from the heart. then, the fray, ronan keating, plain white-T, then, lenka... uishh bila nak tido ni??

lepas 2 minggu bercuti dan melayan anak2, rasa sungguh kosong bila mereka tiada.

kids, i miss you! kisses!!

looking back..

time really flies..

sedar tak sedar, ari ni dah 16th dec. lagi 15 hari masuk year 2010. huh! cepatnya masa berlalu. rasa cam baru je 2009.

so, mari kita flashback... what had happened during the past 11 months..

1. i started blogging in january, rasanya 21st jan. mula ada kegilaan baru..
2. started losing my weight. mula loss of appetite somewhere in dec 2008. why?? only God knows. kata my sister aini, may be i ni di buat orang. haha.. semua ketentuan di alam fana ni, Allah punya kuasa. tiada yang berlaku tanpa keizinanNya.
3. got my new companion, captain future, on 30th jan. seronok sungguh. dah lama nak beli laptop baru, tapi the urge to buy this was to prepare for my Korat trip.
4. many people said i changed.. kononnya baik sikit. hehe.. no comment. but i believe that as we got older, we became more matured and wiser. more rational and less emotional. garang kita pun bersebab..
5. got a new tenant utk my house in KB, alhamdulillah.
6. reluctantly went to korat, thailand for an intensive course yg i langsung tak de interest. "they" said, they saw the 'talent' in me... whatever la..
7. while in Korat, i learned and discovered something... not to be shared.. personal!
8. alhamdulillah, hubbyby's business bertambah baik, moga terus success dan dimurahkan rezeki. but he's much toooooo busy!!!
9. tried antar sofea to nursery so that she can make more friends, and tak takut gi sekolah. tapi lepas cuti sekolah terus tak nak gi. and everyday mesti nangis bila di tinggalkan kat sekolah.
10. trying out with pets - bela ikan dlm aquarium :)
11. were given the chance to attend a conference in Bali, but dah last minute sangat.. and, again, i was misunderstood about sumthin'.
12. losing more weight.. sampai banyak baju, especially kain and pants londeh. it was significant.. sampai i pun tak percaya that could happen. ada dua new pants sampai i terus tak leh pakai langsung, until now. and i could fit into my old jeans yang dah almost 10 years i tak pakai.
13. for the first time since i owned a car sejak 1997, kena saman tak renew road-tax and insurance kereta. hehe... menunjukkan betapa berserabut sebenarnye seorang anita yg sebelum ni sangat la organized. i put a reminder to it but i memang langsung tak ingat. kena masuk traffic court!
14. found my new love.. c-puteh, my new toyota camry 2.0
15. kenapa sangat tak lalu makan and losing weight?? makan hati? merana? only me and God knows. kalau dulu biasa lunch sorang2 at work, i decided to have lunch with friends.. lebih ceria, and bersemangat sikit nak makan. be postive!!
16. the politics at work became worse. ntahla.. lagi ramai org kat atas, lagi banyak idea and benda pelik2 and ntah hape2 nak di introduce. rasa cam kena sangat di controlled. at one time, i was sooo annoyed by these people and rasa nak lari je.. tapi lepas pikir 2-3 kali, i have nowhere to run. kita tak leh lari dari masalah. there would be pros and cons dlm semua benda kita buat.
17. sofea dapat "kutu" attack, and i was so into it. stayed up sampai kul 1-2 pagi to clear that up.
18. elly and makmun went for umrah. hope dapat ikut jejak langkah soon.
19. nadjee and elly, both naik second house. both in setia alam.
20. my second house??? ntah bila nak siap.. dah rasa tak sabar sangat nak pindah, rumah sewa sekarang dah mula timbul problem.
21. my previous maid mula nampak lain macam.. dah banyak koya dari buat kerja. akhirnya dia balik indon and did not return. i expected that.. so tak de la huru hara.
22. jangan tak caye.. kita masak for sahur and berbuka sepanjang ramadhan this year. tapi ada jugak beli... cuma kurang selera. hubbyby insisted that i should cook.
23. for the first time dapat cuti raya more than 2 days for aidilfitri, in five years. hah... dah nasib badan..
24. attended a conference in singapore.
25. enrolled myself in an aerobic class. bukan sbb nak kurus, cuma nak jaga jantung, and to prevent myself form osteoporosis. dah ajak hubbyby utk sama2 gi jogging or panjat bukit during weekends cam dulu2.. but as usual.... busyyyyy memanjang!!
26. nadjee and abg yie went for haj.
27. got a new maid, who is only 20 yrs old. banyak nak kena ajar since dia belum pernah kerja sebelum ni. but with this new maid, i tak bagi sangat dia masak. i chose to cook since i nampak dia kurang pembersih. tapi tiap hari rasa tension fikir nak masak ape.. huhu..
28. celebrated my 11th wedding anniversary by waaaaiting for hubbyby...
29. hubbyby finally decided to rent another shop-lot for a second branch, tapi tak guna nama amethyst. it is nearer to the current house. hope he can spend more time at home.
30. hanif finally di-sunatkan. dah besar anak ummi. took 2 weeks leave to attend to him and spend time with the children during the school holidays. berpantang sakan anak ummi.
31. tadi pergi town, carikan uniform anak2. hanif kena jadi prefect. sofea still tak nak gi sekolah, but nampak more excited bila dah beli bag and stationaries.
32. esok terpaksa gi kerja walaupun sebenarnye cuti... ada meeting dept.
33. we're going for a holiday this friday. hanif pun is getting a lot better and dah kena paksa ngan ummi pakai jeans. oopps, lupa pulak, belum buat appt dgn spa kat sana, nanti melepas pulak..
34. items still to look for during this year-end sale : digital camera, mini laptop, perhaps a new handphone (hubbyby wants an e72 for him, and i'm thinking of blackberry or iphone). tapi rasanye handphone tu cam dalam angan2 je la.. my htc touch masih ok, cuma i sakit hati ngan memory nye yang ciput tu!!

hah... akhirnya, dapat gak i write a new post. selesai within 30 minutes. fyi, since bercuti dah a few drafts i tulis, tapi satu pun tak menjadi. ntahla.. idea tak dtg. i cannot write dlm terpaksa, tak best. doesn't sound original and tak sincere. kita kan jenis tulis straight form the heart...

orait. tiba2 rasa cam semangat balik nak menulis. cukup dulu.

got to go now. see ya again, somewhere in time...

a step towards manhood

salam.

rasa cam dah lama sangat tak masuk friendster ni, rupanya dah bertukar wajah. the new friendster look appears more user-friendly and sedikit lebih kurang dah terikut facebook.

yesterday was a big day for my dear son, hanif. he was circumcised yesterday morning. he was excited to get it done, sampai ummi pun naik risau. you know, you shouldn't get too excited about things coz kadang2 it won't turn out the way you want it to be.

he woke up very early and was ready for the day ahead of me. pagi2 lagi dah called his cousin aqim. he told aqim he's scared. but he was smiling all the way.

hanif was the first to go in. he is a well-behaved boy, and i was confident he could handle it well. tapi bila dah on table, he told me he was scared. i hugged him and hold both his hands. jiwa hanif lembut and sensitive, just like me, bila kita peluk dia, the teardrops mula flowing, even before buat ape2 lagi. it was cold in the theatre, and he started shaking. but alhamdulillah, he was not struggling. cuma tersedu-sedan menangis. he kept asking "dah potong ke belum?", and "lambat lagi ke?". i was busy consoling him sampai i tak tengok what was being done. alhamdulillah, the procedure ran smoothly. i wiped away his tears, and asked him to give a big smile. he smiled bila nak exit OT but as soon as he saw his abah, mata dah berair semula...

hanif sangat menjaga tempat lukanya. he stay put in his station at home, and only move when he needs to go to the toilet, and to eat at the dining table. sakit jugak org bersunat ni.. kesian gak melihatnya. jalan pun slow je.. macam org lepas bersalin.

makan... pantang jugak la.. as my friend said "kena jaga.. itulah nyawa dia..". so i bagi hanif makan ikan selar panggang, and chicken soup. masa beli ikan, kita ckp kat makcik jual ikan tu, kita nak beli ikan utk org berpantang. dia suggest kita beli ikan selar, cencaru and selayang. kita tak biasa makan ikan selayang and baru kenal ikan tu semalam, so kita beli ikan selar and cencaru. there was another ikan.. ikan lolong, itu pun kita tak biasa.

lega rasanya bila hanif dah bersunat, tapi cerewet gak menjaganya, macam org lepas bersalin jugak. harap lukanya cepat sembuh.i take two weeks leave to jaga hanif, and layan anak2 musim cuti sekolah ni. hope hanif will grow up to be anak yang soleh and a successful man.

rabu or khamis ni nak balik KB, nak sambut my sister balik from haj. hope both my sister, nadjee and his hubby, abg yie, sihat and selamat kembali.

adios!

me... updated!

hah.. it has been weeks since i last updated this blog. been hooked with mukabuku lately, and games!

life has been hectic, as usual. there's ups and downs. happy days and gloomy days. alhamdulillah, i've been more positive lately, and simply take things more easily. malas dah nak fikir pelik2, buat tambah kerut di muka je. don't make life complicated.. you are the one who controls your well-being and your life. you gotta be cool, tough and stronger.

hehe.. tengah positive ni sedaplah cakap..

registered myself with aerobic classes. 8+1 classes for only RM63. reasonable price. mula2 pergi, instructor tanya: you nak kurus ke nak gemuk? my answer was - i want to maintain and keep fit. pesanan dari penaja - sayangi jantung anda!

paling best bila instructor tanya - you dah kawin ke belum? haha.. itula kelebihannya kalau badan kecik. tapi muka nampak la dah "matured". hehe.. hanif pun selalu pesan suruh ummi pakai facial cream itu dan ini. cool betul anak teruna i tu!

tapi best gak gi aerobics ni. dah lama tak berpeluh. kita ni memang dah gian nak melompat dan berlari dan longgarkan sendi2 badan. terasa badan lebih lembut. paling best... dapat pumping! dah lama tinggal benda2 ni. since kerja, kita busy memanjang...

kay. cannot melalut panjang2. kita pun dah siap ni. gotta make a move for tonite's work-out!

5, 6, 7, 8 !!! (dengan gaya linda jasmine)

i've got a feelin'

realiti adakala memang menyakitkan!

but life goes on...

woke up with zest today. had a good sleep following a great work-out last nite. but the wonderful feeling diminished so early in the morning.

tak henti mulut kumat-kamit istighfar. diam seribu bahasa. tried not to talk to anyone. otherwise tak pasal2 keluar ayat2 laser, sarcastic dan pedih lagi memedihkan. cuba untuk senyum sendirian, tak pe, bukan ada orang nampak coz i was wearing the face mask. kata orang bila senyum, dengan sendirinya kita boleh feel good. euphoric. euphoric nightmare!

the residual bad feeling is still there, till now.

i need to smile. i need a good laugh. i need to recite the holy verses.

oh God, please forgive me!

astaghfirullahal'adzim!

the moment passes you by...

one of my all-time favourite movies is "my best friend's wedding". watched it many times, and it never fails to make me smile, laugh and cry.

the movie-clip below is my favourite scene... so sweet, sad and touching. listen to the dialogue between the two best friends..

supposed to be a romantic comedy, but i cried, nonetheless...



don't let the moment passes you by...

a man's dreams are an index to his greatness..

hi! i'm back!

my journey to singapore was... okay.

the congress was good and successful. best. and everytime pergi congress or conference cam gini, terus motivated rasa nak buat sub-specialty. but as soon as i return to routine life... became demotivated and malas.

again, i met Prof Prin, a glaucomatologist from bangkok. i really admire this guy, since i first listen to his talk in KL in 2002. i admire the way he expressed his thoughts and opinions. his surgeries 'wow'-ed me. i admire his presentation slides, and he must be real good in IT and computers. his way of thinking is more practical rather than theoretical. he believes surgeries are in evolution, kita tak boleh nak stick to one style and method, bcoz we learn something new each day. we should be exploring and discovering something more exciting and beneficial to our patients. i think he is simply COOL.

besides the congress, tiap2 mlm kita keluar. rasanya cam dah expert ngan MRT and buses in the central region of singapore. cuma congress tu tight schedule sangat, kalau tak boleh gi jalan sentosa island. seperti biasa, kita akan jatuh cinta ngan kereta2 yang menjalar di atas jalan kat singapore tu. mana ada kereta bertaraf besi buruk!

punyelah kami keluar everyday nak gi cari souvenirs, akhirnya on the last day baru jumpa. and bila sampai kat airport, berlambak souvenirs kat airport, dan yang mengecewakan is bila the prices lebih murah kat airport!

kita tak shopping sangat, coz duit dia lagi mahal, and tak de sale. kita tengok gak cameras and mini laptops, tapi kat mesia lagi murah.

arrived at subang airport at 10.30 am yesterday morning. picked-up by hubbyby and abg yie, and headed terus ke rumah pak su in subang jaya for his open house. then balik rumah my sister nadjee, who is going for haj 26 oct ni. most of my family members were in the klang valley as elly buat housewarming and open house on saturday. before balik kt, kami berkonvoi ke puncak alam to attend suhaidi's open house.

3.30 petang baru bertolak balik KT. the children were very happy. sofea tak nak balik. sampai KT around 10.30pm. semuanya terus pengsan... penat!

and i continue dreaming...

to accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan but also believe.....

leaving on a jet plane

sometimes, i just do not understand myself. (sigh!)

i have wanted to go for this trip, but when the time comes.... ehm, rasa malas je. sebenarnya, bukan senang nak tinggalkan keluarga. got so many things in my mind. nak siapkan itu ini, akhirnya.... satu benda pun tak sempat nak buat. kerja kat hospital pun i had to delegate to few other colleagues and friends.

i was too tired, and had been sleeping late for the past few days. so, last nite, i slept while folding the clothes...

woke up at 4 am. started packing. alhamdulillah, settle.

gonna miss my children and darling hubbyby, and my dearest captain future. ikut hati memang nak bw captain future, but i prefer to travel light. alhamdulillah, hubbyby also dapat cari a new charger for my htc pda phone. otherwise... susah jugak. ingat nak cari phone baru je, or switch phones with hubbyby.

this weekend, my hubbyby and children are going to kl. need to fetch our new maid, and i got to see my sister before she leaves for haj on the oct 26th. so, hubbyby will fetch me when i reached kl. balik ngan kereta. hope the new maid tak de masalah. my youngest sister, elly juga buat housewarming/open house sempena naik rumah baru in setia alam.

am gonna leave you with my all-time favorite 'leaving on a jet plane'.



hope my trip will turn-out to be a good one. gonna miss you.

see ya on monday! luv ya!

sob.sob.

if..

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

isn't it an inspiring poem? this classic poem was written by rudyard kipling (1865-1936). this poem is like a blueprint for personal integrity, behaviour and self-development.

i first came across this poem somewhere in 1985, when my sister who returned from england brought home a piece of kain hiasan dinding yang bertulis dengan poem ini. i put it on the wall of my room in mrsm kuantan when i was in form five. and it did boost my motivation, my determination and make me want to strive for excellence.

thing BIG! think top notch!

aku da dirimu

i like this song. lagunya dah lama juga but kita baru dengar agak recently.

a nice song. and i like it. and BCL nampak sungguh sweet.

enjoy the song.

pungguk rindukan bulan

rindu!

i am missing ramadhan.

hidup lebih tenang, lebih teratur, lebih rahmat dan nekmat.

ruang waktu sentiasa dipenuhi, berkat, rahmat.

moga magis ramadhan dapatku praktikkan... sentiasa.

corat-coret di aidilfitri

alhamdulillah, i'm getting a lot better. the fever has settled. cuma ada cough sekali-sekala, and the nose has not been perfectly cleared. hope everything will be back to normal by this weekend.

salam aidilfitri. hari ni dah 11 syawal, baru nak cerita pasal aidilfitri. entahlah.. since the flu, kita ada mood swing, cepat get irritated and sensitive tak tentu pasal.

there's a lot to tell about the raya. to simplify, i'll write in point forms.

1. balik kampung on friday morning. original plan to start the journey at 6 am, and to head straight to KB. while on the way, we decided to stop at my MIL's house. niat nak balik KB tertangguh2 sehingga akhirnya berbuka di besut. sampai KB lepas kul 10 mlm.
2. elly was the first to reach home, followed by ei and liza. then it was me, and nadjee. kak ni, syam and kak ya balik a day before raya.
3. last day of ramadhan, went to pick-up baju raya. hmm... kaya juga jadi tailor ni. hari tu i picked-up 8 pasang baju raya, and paid a 4 digit amount!! (not mine alone, campur ngan my sister punye). lepas tu gi beli tudung at bazaar MPKB. also bought a new telekung for raya.
4. the plan was to survey and buy a new digital camera, sebab hubbyby had misplaced the battery charger for my Sony DSC T5. kita pun saje cari alasan nak beli camera baru. tapi hajat tak kesampaian, as hubbyby nak balik besut gak that morning. so no digicam this raya. kita pakai my non-digital Canon EOS 88 SLR camera.
5. first time in my life, i slept early on malam raya. lepas solat isyak terus pengsan... too tired. kita tak contribute tenaga pun untuk masak juadah raya for the next morning. and it was my sisters who waited for my hubbyby utk return from besut. dia sampai rumah dalam kul 2 pagi. padan muka kena panjat gate coz ayah dah kunci gate.
6. my siblings who travelled from KL on saturday morning faced a bad traffic jam. kak ya finally patah balik ke bangi and masak rendang for raya dulu, dan bertolak semula kul 2 ptg. the rendang was later called "rendang balik semula".
7. syam pula ubah plan and balik ikut k.kangsar-grik-east west highway.
8. Bb and sue beraya di rumah in-laws; temerloh and perak.
9. 1 syawal, i woke-up at 4.30 am, and menyibukkan diri di dapur utk serve juadah pagi raya. guilty feeling coz tak masak the night before!
10. juadah pagi raya was satay and nasi impit. we got satay Baung and satay Kajang brought from bangi. lemang and rendang balik semula, kuzi ayam + roti bun. the initial plan utk mengirai roti jala di malam raya tidak menjadi kenyataan.
11. went for solat raya and met few old friends.
12. my family was in blue for the pagi raya. our photography session was cut short as guests start coming to our house.
13. stayed home the whole day of 1 syawal as our house menerima tamu tak henti-henti dari pagi sampai malam. mum and dad were very happy coz anak2 saudara mereka semuanya datang visit.
14. kami semua penat di dapur since raya kali ni, kami semua dah tak de maid. so, kerja cuci mencuci pinggan diserahkan kepada anak2 dara 1st class cucu2 hj omar.
15. lepas isyak, we bertolak ke Besut.
16. in Besut, macam tak raya coz sibuk nak kenduri for my sister in law's wedding. the akad nikah was at 10 am on 2nd syawal. and the kenduri was on 3rd syawal. majlis menyambut menantu pula 4th syawal. so kita spent 3 hari in besut.
17. what was my role for the kenduri in besut? since kita memang bukannya pandai sangat di dapur, kita buat kerja potong memotong je. kita champion potong bawang and mayang the bawangs. Tok Su tabik kat kita coz tak menangis pun handle bawangs tu. kita kata kita ada protection... the glasses. Tok Su juga compare my finely chopped ginger with the other menantu. hehe... kita menang lagi!
18. kita juga akhirnya jadi tukang settlekan barang2 hantaran since semua org sibuk buat benda lain. oleh kerana kita dah biasa sangat ngan kenduri kahwin, bab2 barang hantaran ni, bolehlah kita buat yang simple2 but presentable and look nice. but they don't have proper equipments so tak de lah cantik sangat.
19. during the akad ceremony at the mosque, i found my hubbyby soooo handsome! di mata kita, my hubbyby paling handsome bila dia cleanly shaved, berbaju melayu and bersongkok/kopiah bila bersiap nak solat. sungguh bersih dan nampak suci gitu! sebab tu every year kita buat baju melayu baru untuk dia.
20. since my hubbyby is the eldest son, he acted as the wali for Zie, my SIL.
21. hubbyby worked so hard for the kenduri. the next day, hubbyby, kak long and din (BIL) had bad diarrhoea, vomiting and fever. orang lain sihat je...
22. balik semula ke KB on petang 4th day raya. and sempat merasa nasi kerabu my mom yang sungguh sedap itu.
23. khamis... kami menjamu nasi dagang. but nasi dagang bukanlah favourite kita, so kita makan sikit je. petang tu kami semua dah malas masak, kita beli berkotak-kotak pizza! dan org yang datang malam tu dijamu ngan mushroom soup, baguetta and pizza. semuanya licin!
24. on malam khamis, at around 2 am, hanif and my sister, Bb, had similar bad dreams yang menakutkan. peliknya, mimpinya sama dan dalam waktu yang sama. told dad about that... dia senyum je. hee... mysterious. khamis malam jumaat tu, kita sungguh takut nak tidur and hold-on tight to hubbyby.
25. plan utk balik KT ptg khamis ditunda ke pagi jumaat. yeay! sampai KT terus ke ward sebab kita on-call. after solat jumaat, went to my friend's house and had nasi ayam. in the evening, went to kak ni's house and had soto. malam tu kita mula demam.
26. saturday.... kita demam teruk..!

gambar raya? hmm... gambar kita belum siap lagi coz hubbyby belum hantar filem utk cuci. maklumlah tak pakai digicam this year.

selamat hari raya! utk yang belum puasa 6, silalah mula berpuasa. utk yang dah complete, alhamdulillah, selamat berhari raya lagi!

reality hurts!!

don't let someone become a priority in your life...

when you are just an option in theirs!

arghh!!!

ini entry emo.

i'm sick of it! nauseated! pissed off!

first day at work after raya.... and i felt sooo... sick of it!!!

people say... too many cooks spoil the soup. but the soup is already spoilt even before it's brought to the stove.

i need the soup to be extra-hot! baru ade kick.

my memory

still feverish and not feeling good. took EL today.

alone at home with nothing much that i can do. watched winter sonata... such a sweet love story. here's a video clip from one of the beautiful songs in the series.



isn't it beautiful?

sick, sick, sick!

it was a bright saturday morning. but it turned cloudy by mid-day, and the rain started falling.. now it's sunny again. hot.

the weather is unpredictable. so does our life. i was well and kicking last 2 days, but started to have fever last nite. high grade. running and stuffy nose. sore throat. cough till i vomit.

woke up with a lot of things to be done in my mind today. the washing machine had been working very hard since i returned home yesterday. loads and loads of a week of dirty clothes. early this morning, i went out to hang the clothes at 6.30am. hmm... semangat betul nak berkemas hari ni.

but everything turned sour. by 8 am, i felt so sick, cold inside, but muka rasa panas berbahang. after the morning shower, i was in my all-black baby-T and pants, put on my striped sweater and had a quick breakfast. begged hubbyby not to go to work, but as usual... he is needed at amethyst. pity the children, ummi is too sick to layan them.spent the whole morning in bed.

and all my plans for house cleaning... remains as plans.

still feverish, tapi dah boleh bangun. looks like i need to take leave tomorrow.

may i get well soon...

being 38!

September 7, 1971 - the day I was born. my sister-in-law, Era, was also born on the same date, but in the year 1978.

ha.. happy birthday to me! tak malu wish diri sendiri. tak pe... hidup ni musti gumbira selalu, baru hati senang. so how does it feel to be 38?

alhamdulillah, I thank Allah for being able to wake up today and reach 38 years of life. syukur alhamdulillah atas segala nikmat yang dianugerahkan, setiap rezeki, kesihatan yang baik, keluarga yang bahagia dan sentiasa memahami serta segala nikmat kehidupan yang tidak terkata.

do I feel old more matured? that is a MUST question. well.. after all that you have been through, sebenarnya, you tak sedar pun you makin tua. you are just cruising life at it's best. but as a woman, bila badan penat seharian kerja + all the housework, before retired to bed tu, memang terasa penat and baru terasa tua. but i'm still energetic, nonetheless.

if given a choice, I would wish to stay at the age of 35. why 35 and not 25? it depends on what matters most in your life. to me, at 35, alhamdulillah, I manage to get almost every basic things that I wish in life - married with a pair of kids, i became a specialist at 33, manage to get myself some hard-earned assets including a piece of land, a double-storey bungalow and a car. life was more stable financially and i found myself more confident, more matured and more calm. rational, practical and sensible.

yes, 35 is not the age of youth, but again, no matter what you do, you'll grow old. nature's law. so, i wish to grow old gracefully. i am not afraid to be old, and never afraid to mention my age.

but, if people asked my age, i would answer this way - i'm 33 + 5 years of maturity and experience.

10 years ago, at 28, i asked myself, what have i accomplished so far? tengoklah, apa yang anda cita-citakan. muda-muda dulu memang ambitious, nak buat itu-ini, but you'll reach a stage when you realize what matters most in your life. for a sportsmen/women, age 28 and above is already considered a veteran, and the performance would slowly goes down.

birthday wish - i wish many happy returns, good health, rezeki yang halal, usia yang dimanafaatkan, kehidupan yang diberkati, nikmat kebahagiaan, keluarga yang memahami dan bahagia, career yang baik, interesting and enjoyable, and being surrounded by the people that i love most, my hubbyby, my children, my family and my wonderful colleagues and friends - without whom i am nobody. also, to always be in the right path, and showered by His taufiq & hidayah in whatever i do.

wish-list tahun ni masih ada beberapa yang belum tercapai - including a baby, and a journey to the holy city. masih mengharap.

enjoyed myself with a facial treatment and body scrub + sauna just now. ehm.. refreshing! gotta get myself a chocolate cheese cake today, and a wonderful iftar.

thank you for being a follower to my humble blog, hope you enjoy reading it. wish me all the best in my life and the future. luv ya.

my 100th post

time really flies...

sedar tak sedar, i have come to my 100th post/entry. hmm... dah banyak rupanya kita menulis yek.

(gambar hiasan... lupa lak nak ambik gambar semalam)

ok, sempena bulan puasa and meraikan "mummy returns to the kitchen", kita nak berkongsi recipe black pepper chicken yang kita masak semalam.

ingredients: (sorrylah... kuantiti agak2 sendirilah, kita masak pakai agak2 dan sesedap rasa je..)

1. chicken... quantity as needed

2. garlic and onions

3. black pepper (kalau nak extra hot, letak lebih sikit!)

4. ginger

5. oyster sauce, soy sauce, tomato sauce

6. salt n sugar - secukup rasa.

cara masak:

a) tumbuk bawang putih, halia and lada hitam. then perapkan pada ayam bersama garam and oyster sauce. (lagi lama perap, lagi best). dah ready nak masak, barulah ayam tu digorengkan, jangan sampai garing.

b) to prepare the sauce - mayang bawang putih, bawang besar and halia. pas tu, tumiskan... then masukkan serbuk lada hitam. kemudian tambah oyster sauce, kicap, tomato sauce dan sedikit gula. kemudian, barulah ditambahkan ayam yang telah digorengkan tadi. tambahkan air... kalau nak ada kuah, tapi bagi pekat sikit baru best. sebelum di angkat, tambahkan bawang besar yang telah dimayang, tomato biji dan cili merah yang sudah dipotong.

senangkan? kalau nak guna daging, lepas tumis bawang besar/garlic/ginger/pepper, terus masukkan daging, dan goreng daging sampai empuk (meaning that daging tak perlu digoreng dulu sebelum tu).

cubalah untuk berbuka puasa. gerenti sedap sehingga menjilat pinggan, sebagaimana sofea dan hanif semalam.

selamat berbuka!

kita anak merdeka?

lagu warisan - anak kecil main api, ada nostalgianya yang tersendiri.

sebagai anak didik MARA, lagu warisan ini sentiasa kami nyanyikan sewaktu assembly, sama seperti lagu negaraku dan lagu maktab. maaf, 5 tahun di kuantan, kita tak pernah nyanyi lagu negeri pahang.

masa zaman sekolah, ada yang menentang bila lagu ini harus dinyanyikan, kononnya terlalu memuja semangat bangsa - assabiyah! tapi kita ada persepsi kita yang tersendiri bila kita nyanyi lagu ni.

lagu ini ditulis oleh prof. dr. nordin kardi. liriknya kalau di amati, memang boleh menaikkan semangat anak melayu, bangsa yang kita banggakan, tapi juga bangsa yang mudah alpa. melayu mudah lupa. melayu suka angan2 mat jenin. melayu yang semangatnya hangat2 tahi ayam. melayu malas. melayu yang hanyut... dan bagaikan lalang yang tegak berdiri, tapi tidak gagah melawan arus angin.

itukah jiwa anak melayu pasca-merdeka? tidak kenal sejarah, tidak faham jerit perih nenek moyang kita terdahulu berjuang menentang penjajah. tidak mengerti deritanya orang dulu-dulu ditindas dan dipijak di bumi sendiri. tidak sedar bahawa hak kita dirampas.

kita harus bangun! jangan benarkan kita dijajah lagi. zahirnya kita sudah merdeka tetapi merdekakah pemikiran kita?

52 tahun merdeka... sudah separuh abad. kalau manusia, sudah beranak dan mungkin bercucu. tapi kita masih meraba2 mencari kata sepakat masyarakat majmuk.

indahnya menjadi rakyat malaysia berbilang kaum, itu yang kita laungkan dari dulu. tapi hakikatnya, 52 tahun bersama, kita masih canggung sesama sendiri. menonton iklan kemerdekaan di kaca tv adakalanya membuat kita tertawa dan malu sendiri, semuanya lakonan yang entah bila boleh menjadi kenyataan. irama 1Malaysia yang dinyanyikan bersama pelbagai bangsa juga catchy dan mengajak kita menyanyi bersama, tetapi cukupkah setakat ramai2 menyanyi tanpa ada pengertian di jiwa dan diterjemahkan dengan perlakuan dan imej 1Malaysia yang sepatutnya.

sewaktu bersama mahu mencapai kemerdekaan dahulu, Tunku pernah bertanya pada semua, "mahukah kamu terima, ini bumi melayu? ini tanah melayu?".

52 tahun merdeka, kita masih seperti anak kecil yang masih mahu disuap dan dibantu. masih tidak mampu berdikari. masih terjajah dengan kejahilan dan kebodohan serta kealpaan.

bangunlah... jangan hanya tahu melaungkan kata-kata hikmat hang tuah "tak Melayu hilang di dunia", tapi bangkitlah dengan segala rasa insaf, sedar dan tanggungjawab.

jayakan satu malaysia. negara kita tanggungjawab kita!

home sweet home

balik rumah... memang best. walaupun dah ada rumah sendiri, rumah mak masih best.

alhamdulillah, kita memang bersyukur sgt2, dibesarkan dalam family yang sungguh best ni. cuti kali ni, besides me, Liza, Nadjee and Elly also returned home. semua ambik kesempatan cuti 31st august utk balik berbuka di KB. dan seperti biasa, rumah akan gamat ngan anak2.

i reached home around 11am last friday. liza and nadjee dah balik dari wednesday. petang tu... seperti diidamkan, kami berbuka ngan nasi kerabu bersama lauk pauknya termasuk daging bakar. ahh.... heaven! siap tambah nasi.. dan masih rasa nak tambah lagi, tapi.. tak leh tamak... berhentilah sebelum kenyang!

lepas solat... seperti biasa, lay-park sambil borak and tunggu elly sampai from KL. elly sampai kul 12.30am.

after subuh, the children sibuk nak bersihkan kolam ikan koi ayah. sedih nengok warna air kolam tu... both ayah n che mana larat nak cuci kolam tu selalu. yang paling kalut masa nak cuci kolam is che... dia memang tak tahu duduk diam. dah lah malam tu dah sakit2 badan sebab sibuk nak sediakan food! bila disuruh duduk je, dia senyum. she doesn't trust org lain buat kerja dia. suruh cucu jemurkan kain pun dia tak percaya, semua nak buat sendiri.

back to the kolam ikan, akhirnya 3 ekor ikan yang besar and a few ikan kecik ditemui kelemasan di dlm air kolam yang sangat keruh itu. che kata ikan2 tu mati sebab mabuk bila ramai sgt cucu dia main air kolam tu! seekor ikan besar yang sudah nyawa2 ikan akhirnya dapat diselamatkan. kolam pun kembali berseri..

lepas anak2 cuci kolam, nadjee, elly, me and my niece, alynn, went shopping! plan asal nak gi ziarah parkson yang baru bukak. hee... rasa dah lama betul tak masuk dlm KB town, esp area pasar siti khadijah tu.. yelah area tu memang sesak sentiasa. selalunya kita gi KB mall and cari tudung kat pasar MPKB. kita drive kereta ayah gi KB, hehe... sayang nak bawak c-puteh masuk tempat yg penuh sesak! sekarang KB town dah buat one way route since 11 ogos, so kena ikut flow je lah. alhamdulillah, dpt parking kat basement. the building itself belum siap sepenuhnya, tapi depa nak bukak gak b4 raya. parkson tu oklah... banyak barang2 yang elok2. macam parkson kat tempat lain gak. suka hati jumpa Tiffany. kita suka beli brooch tiffany, tapi dulu kena gi KL to get it.

ingatkan nak gi ariani, yang kini dibuka di wakaf che yeh.. tapi dah 2pm. kena balik rumah dulu. since kami semua ada plan nak shopping lagi, we suggested to mum tak yah masak petang tu, and beli je nasi kukus special. tapi petang semalam hujan, so malaslah nak gi ariani.

lepas terawikh, liza+family balik KT and elly+family balik rumah in-lawnya. so... sunyi pulak rumah tu. i terus masuk tidur sebab ngantuk sangat2.

plan ari ni? may be ke KB Mall, Ariani and Pasar MPKB. tapi kita sebenarnya tak ghairah sangat nak beli tudung coz baju belum siap, takut tak matching pula.

ehmm... itulah seronoknya jadi perempuan, kita tak pernah bosan... asalkan ada geng satu kepala, ada tempat nak shopping dan ada duit. dan utk kita, mesti kena ada captain future.. tak sedap hati kalau sehari tak sentuh captain future!

see you again later. daa...

life... what's cooking??

we had our iftar at a restaurant called Paradise Deluxe last night.the children were excited to berbuka kat luar.

kami adakan majlis berbuka to all Amethyst's staffs and ex-staffs. currently we have 6 staffs (including 3, who are doing attachment utk prog keusahawanan), and 5 ex-staffs. all of them made it for the majlis iftar, except of-course, the late arwah Wawa.

glad to see the previous staffs. i lebih rapat ngan the previous staffs berbanding ngan current ones, sebab now i jarang gi kedai. dulu, i biasa jaga kedai ngan Lan and Pian. dah macam adik2 kita.

before puasa, i dah buat makan2 for my colleagues at Payang Serai restaurant. i tak panggil semua, just the MOs and one specialist. mereka yang banyak berkongsi susah senang bersama, dah lama pun niat nak belanja diorang. bukan tak nak buat utk semua tapi dah suntuk, tak sempat. kalau nak belanja semua staffs i prefer buat makan2 kat klinik je.

kita sebenarnya memang suka majlis bagi orang makan2. kalau rumah kita presentable, and kita pandai masak, rasanya kita akan selalu jemput kawan datang rumah kita for makan2. tapi mesti ada maidlah... kalau tak penat gak!

hari ni kita nak bali KB! kita balik ngan anak2 je. hubbyby tak ikut sebab sejak ramadhan, dia bukak kedai hari jumaat, he will only balik KB on sunday.

kita akan balik KT semula on monday 31st August, but hubbyby and sofea will stay in KB till 1st September, sebab nak service c-puteh kat toyota KB. kalau nak service kat KT kena tunggu 14 September.

the children are excited nak balik KB. Hanif dah kemas baju. ummi still on the computer.. hehe. hubbyby pun sibuk duk tanya bila nak balik. insyallah, kul 8 nanti kita bertolak.

may we have a safe journey. TaTa!

1st week of Ramadhan

alhamdulillah, it has been almost a week since we started fasting last saturday.

hanif is doing well, cuma on the first day nampak penat sikit. dia dah puasa penuh since standard one. sofea would always say she wants to puasa, but would continue eating after imsak.

i have tried my best to be as efficient as possible sejak tak de maid. and i kinda getting used to it... cuma kena ada more effort in cooking. yang lain-lain dah ada banyak progress. tapi i tak suka mop lantai, and tak de masa nak siram pokok. hanif yang siram pokok. hubbyby would manage the bathrooms and toilets.

we don't quite like the food at the bazaar ramadhan. after a few days of buying, hubbyby voiced-out that he prefered home-cooked food. so i tried to prepare at least 2 dishes lepas balik kerja. it would be sayur and satu lagi would be a seafood-based dish, sebab cepat nak prepare. ikan and ayam or daging kena defrost lama sikit before boleh masak, and selalunya tak sempatlah kalau hari kerja.

we do not take rice for sahur. the sahur is much simpler. we usually have bread with butter and cheese, toasted the traditional way, not using the bread-toaster. hashbrown potatoes and mushroom soup. and yesterday we had spaghetti bolognaise. hanif would also have his usual cereals.

l have other plans for sahur... pancakes, garlic bread, tuna sandwich. may be fried mee or fried nasi goreng, but i tak suka oily food, especially during sahur.

i'm quite efficent in clearing the table and cleaning the dishes. everything would be cleared before 8pm for iftar. kita memang tak suka tengok sink penuh and meja yang tak dikemaskan. i slept early after the prayers... penat! and kena bangun at least at 4.30 am for sahur. so... dah lama jugak tak tidur lepas kul 11 malam.

during sahur time, i would do the washing of clothes too, and iron the clothes while waiting for subuh. kain yang tak perlu iron would usually be folded before iftar, or malam after solat.

tadarus kat klinik, kita masuk surah ali-imraan. and kat rumah, kita baru habis surah al-hijr, but this is continuation from my usual reading. this ramadhan, kita tak mula dari al-baqarah... rasanya macam tak sempat je, sebab banyak buat kerja lain and ngantuk!

hari ni kita nak balik KB. ehm... rasa nak makan nasi kerabu and daging bakar.. yum, yum...

c-puteh

siapa c-puteh? a new family addition. it's my new car.

registered on August 12th, but laid my eyes for the first time on her on August 16th. it's a Toyota Camry 2.0 in pearl white. asalnya nak color lain, tapi dah tak de, so terpaksa tambah RM800 utk the pearl white color.

tapi the blue citra masih ada, banyak kegunaannya. do we really need a new car? sebenarnya kita geram ngan citra. niat beli MPV dulu, sebab nak bagi anak2 selesa bila jalan jauh. but a mini MPV like citra tak ada space utk barang2. akhirnya, bila kami nak jalan jauh, the third row seat terpaksa dikeluarkan, utk letak barang. tapi kita masih rasa tak selamat coz people from outside the car can see apa barang yang ada kat dalam kereta.

so we think we should get a sedan. lagipun anak cuma dua orang. the MPV can still be used especially for hubbyby. dia selalu nak upload banyak barang to hantar to his customers. his old kancil can be used by his staffs utk pergi buat kerja kat rumah customers.

best gak bawak camry ni. honestly, dulu kita tak pernah minat camry, sebab dia nampak besar and tak sporty, sesuai utk orang tua2. besides BMW, kita suka honda dan pernah hampir2 beli civic instead of citra dulu. then ,ingatkan nak beli accord, tapi bila keluar camry 2008 models, berkenan pula kat camry. lagipun the new accord tu nampak terlalu gah utk kita. kitakan low profile.

kita juga minat peugeot 407 dan alfa romeo, dan berkenan juga ngan mazda 6. lately, i nampak mazda 3, sporty and cantik gak. my hubbyby minat ngan mitsubishi lancer yang baru. kita pun suka jugak, nampak macho and manly, tapi bila tgk dari depan macam muka darth vader pula. lancer ni nostalgic... ingat masa kecik2 dulu, ayah pernah nak beli lancer, tapi kita semua minat ngan ford laser, so ayah beli ford laser.

harap the new car tak akan membebankan kami. we need the value of the money spent, biar berbaloi. cuma, harap dapat cepat pindah rumah baru sebab the current house yang kami sewa ni tak cukup space utk parking semua kereta tu. sayang pula nak dibiarkan berembun, baik camry mahupun citra. kancil tu tak pe sebab tuan dia tak kisah pun.

kita juga harap dapat mengekalkan c-puteh dengan warnanya yang putih bersih... kena rajin basuh keretalah nampaknya...

M.I.S.S.I.N.G

missing.

missing someone.

missing a friend.

missing - more than words can say!

simple paddington - this is for you..

August 18th 1984 - the day my niece, Nusaibah aka Nuha was born in Cardiff, Wales. Nuha, i remember your birthday, but was too busy and got no time to blog. anyway, this is a delayed birthday wish.

i know you were looking forward towards your 25th birthday. nape looking forward sgt2, enda pun tak tahu. may be excited, biasalah pompuan. semangatnya celebrate birthday 2 days earlier, bersama ayam panggang!

Nuha, i miss you. rasanya baru lagi nuha balik masa summer holidays lepas. and we went to KL together, and i mengigau tengah2 malam dengan ketawa yang menakutkan. ingat tak?

dalam ramai2 nieces, rasanya you yang paling rapat ngan kami the aunties. kenape ye? may be sebab you duduk KB dulu, and selalu ada kat rumah che. and kami jaga you dari kecik and sentiasa terpaksa melawan karenah you yang memang mengada2. nuha masa kecik sungguh cute, bersama rambut panjangnya yang sangat cantik. sungguh nakal, suka dengar orang tua bercakap. suka kacau kami solat, sampai buat org ketawa, lepas tu you ketawa evil! suka tanya banyak questions sampai enda tak tahu nak jawab. suka suruh kami bercerita before tidur. suka berebut main computer games dari dulu, kini dan selamanya.

kita share banyak hobbies yang sama - reading novels, suka tgk tv, suka gossip dan ketawakan orang, suka buat benda giler2, suka main games, suka shopping dan yang paling best suka main rambut - you main rambut i, then i main rambut you. tapi you ni lembik... tak tahu main sports, nape ye?

dah umur 25 ni, kenalah matured sikit. enda terharu juga sbb enda ni kan idola nuha utk jadi doktor. so kenalah buat betul2, focus babe! lupakan dan pinggirkan benda2 remeh temeh tu. enda tahu nuha smart, you sure can be a good doctor. jangan segan dan malu bertanya, belajar ngan mat saleh ni kena banyak cakap sikit, kalau tak dia kata kita passive. be a save doctor!

jagalah diri di perantauan... jagalah Puteh, kereta yang you sayang tu. belajarlah jadi pemandu yang selamat. practice makes perfect. kalau rasa tak leh jaga Puteh, jual je. duit hasil jualan Puteh tu sila simpan utk beli souvenirs utk kami. remember, your aunties semuanya suka souvenire dari dulu, kini dan selamanya. enda nak gak gi NZ, tapi rasanya tahun ni cam tak sempat je..

nuha, i hope you will meet your Mr Right soon. tapi now, focus on studies dulu. belajarlah untuk suka kepada kanak2, supaya you boleh jadi ibu mithali macam enda... hehe. cepat2lah balik, dan maghilah kerja kat KT. tapi kalau kerja kat KT mesti kerja bagus tau, jangan bagi malu enda pulak, haha.

selamat belajar dan selamat berbahagia. enjoy life as it comes. balik nanti, you will sure miss your friends and NZ. stay cute, stay cheerful! keep blogging, i like your blog - Tale to Tell

luv ya! hugs and kisses from me... mmmuah... mmmuah!

sepet, gubra and the revelation

rasa cam dah lama sangat tak update this blog. many reasons. main reason - no time for blogging. another big reason - my streamyx still not functioning, and my dial-up connection is way toooooo SLOW. and i am a person who can't really tolerate S.L.O.W.ness.

it has been few weeks since the late Yasmin Ahmad passed away. may she rest in peace. no matter what people says about her, and the recent revelation, i think she is just a beautiful person. i admire creative people, she is one of them. and her ability to touch people's inner feelings with her beautifully casted movies and advertisements were just superb.

i have never really watched her movies, but i like all the advertisements directed/produced by her. i don't know... i seldom watch malay movies. pernah tengok sikit2, but never really duduk tengok sampai habis satu movie.

since Yasmin passed away, astro had a channel yang tayang balik her movies. and i watched Sepet and Gubra. my comments... both are wonderful movies. different, stood by itself and touching.

Sepet - a beautiful love story told in an honest and beautiful way. about Orked and Jason. i love to see the cute and talkative, witty, spontaneous little Orked. her fresh face and long straight hair makes her look innocent and pure and pristine. jason, a chinese guy who is actually a contrast to Orked - romantic, a guy with few words. love is blind. love sees no boundaries.

there was an incident towards the end of the movie. jason had to break-off with orked for another girl whom he never loved but was trapped. life goes on... orked got a scholarship to study abroad. on the way to the airport, she finally read the letter Jason sent her, after persuaded by her mom. the letter was sooo beautiful and touching. she tried to call him. too late, jason was knocked over his bike on the way to the airport.

GUBRA - is actually a sequel to Sepet. orked got married to a malay guy. but the guy cheated her. she found it hard to forgive him, no matter how hard he tried. orked met Alan, jason's brother. at the end of the movie, orked walked out of her husband's home. the scene was beautifully potrayed - she walked out of that big house with a BMW and big bike, and get into Alan's humble pick-up motorvan, and went to Alan's humble home. in a room, she was seated on a single bed, and alan gave her a box. she opened it up to find all her memories with Jason were carefully kept there. his wallet with their photos inside, the pictures together, his letters that were never sent, two books of poems and his old handphone. she cried. tears rolling on my cheeks too.

the movies were simple, but the storytelling and the way the story was told, makes me like it. Jujur, enlightening, enriching. it makes you laugh and smile, and there were moments that you feel your throat is lumpy and tears start pooling in the corner of your eyes. tiada imej orang kaya2, mak datin dan kereta besar as usually seen in malay movies. tiada perempuan dan lelaki yang tersangat cantik dan tersangat handsome as the the main casts. ia cerita kehidupan yang biasa kita lalui. it is so close to our heart. so simple, pure and yet touching.

there are so many things that you wish to have in your life. but you may not have it all.

life is survival. the happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything, but they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. make a prayer - for His taufiq and hidayah.

mummy returns

... standing on the edge of something much too deep,

funny how i feel so much but cannot say a word...

we are screaming inside, oh, but we can't be heard!

haha... this entry has nothing to do with mummy returns - the movie. but its me returning to blogging.

at last... i can get connected again. had problems with streamyx since last saturday - bad weather, thunderstorm etc. sampai la ni my streamyx still not functioning. now using dial-up. this is not yet reported to hubbyby.. kesian dia, he has been very busy lately. and extra busy since the last 2 days coz i balik lewat due to a seminar that we organized. so the children had to stay at amethyst till i picked them up.

penat gak. last night, i slept early.. before 10. was really tired.

sekejap je dah thursday. 3 hari tak tgk patient and was away from the hospital, rasa hilang stress kerja kejap. cuma stress nak ensure seminar runs smoothly je. now everything dah over. alhamdulillah. lega. will make an entry about the seminar later.

returned to clinic petang tadi. tiba2 rasa semacam.. ambiencenya berbeza. ada new regulations. sometimes i wonder why lately, a lot of decisions were made without taking into account our opinions. previously, all decision making related to running of the department were made by consencus among the specialists. macam ada something fishy. it is us who actually run the clinic and deal with the patients, they should have at least asked our opinions, ni macam kami ni sama level je ngan subordinates. or is it b'coz we now talked too much? ape2 jelah... as long as we can enjoy working. funny... how we feel so much but cannot say a word... we are screaming inside, oh, but we can't be heard...

hmm.. balik rumah, banyak tugasan menunggu. kain dah ada 2 bakul to be washed. last few days hujan, nasib baik tak basuh kain. the floor need to be vacuumed and mopped. the aquarium need to be cleaned. the rain has at least helped me watered the plants.

my maid is supposed to return tomorrow night. balik ke tidak? ntahlah... she hasn't called since we wired her the money. harap baliklah..

esok on call. harap semua berjalan lancar. mmm.. penat!

life without her..

it has been one week. life without a maid.

how was it? not bad. cuma masa mula2 balik from KL, rasa sungguh lemah masuk rumah yg agak berserabut. i left home for 3 days..

i told hubbyby that we are both busy people, but we can live without a maid, we have experienced that before. cuma kena help each other. hubbyby said - no problem, cuma jangan cepat marah. haha.. kalau everything kemas and in order, i tak meradanglah..

now, i do the laundry every other night, and hang all the wet clothes dari malam. bila pagi cuma angkat bawa keluar ke ampaian. the dining table must be cleared as soon as we finished our meals. the children need to kemas all their toys after main. everybody should put their dirty clothes inside the bakul, jangan tunggu ummi kutip, otherwise mulut ummi bising. i have no problem lipat kain bcoz i memang tak suka tgk kain tak berlipat. clothes are ironed before being kept in the closet. cuma perlu iron tudung every morning.

cuma i belum sempat masak. main reason.. gas habis and hubbyby belum tukar tong gas. so... selamat! pagi2 the children makan cereals and we makan roti. i need to make sure i woke up at least at 5.30am, otherwise a little kelam kabut. yesterday breakfast kat hospital coz bangun lewat.

cuma... the children nampak sangat berbeza. they don't like coming home to an empty house. tak de org sambut bila balik. sunyi. they would follow everywhere i go, sampai rasa tak de privacy. mereka takut tgk tv kat bawah without me. tgk tv kat atas pun mereka tak nak without me. so, bila i mandi and solat, they would be in my room. lepas tu semua activities must be done together. depa rasa sunyi without the 'kakak'.

sofea pernah nangis bila tgk bilik 'kakak' kosong, and sedih bila teringat 'kakak'. kata sofea - kakak selalu jaga sofea dan mandikan sofea. sofea sedih kakak tak de. i pulak yang terikut sedih..

i tak delah mengharapkan dia balik. tapi kalau dia kembali, life would be a lot easier.

i need to get use to cooking again. its not difficult, cuma perlu dibiasakan.

any dream will do - dedicated to Bb

July 29th - the day my sister Bibi Zarina was born. today is also Makmun's birthday (elly's hubby).

july 29th 1981 - the day prince charles and the late lady diana kahwin kat westminster abbey, ingat lagi tengok live telecast kat tv - like a fairy tale's wedding. rumah kita dulu pun banyak magazine pasal charles n diana.

kay, to my dearest sister, kak na or Bb or Ateh - happy birthday... tak yah sebut lah yang ke berapa ye. asalkan kita bersyukur ngan hayat kehidupan yang dikurniakan... alhamdulillah.

kak na... jangan perasanlah, tapi rasanya you are the most beautiful among kita adik beradik. hehe.. siap pernah tulis dalam diary tu.. perasan! sorilah, kami kalau masa kemas jumpa diary lama, kami baca je. so terbongkarlah rahsia you perasan cantik.. haha..

kak na juga dari kecik lagi dah macam org town - makan pakai fork and spoon, speaking org putih tu memang biasalah.. Kalau sue and kak ya were school dancers kat ZS, kak na ni bandgirl - hehe... asyik pakai skirt pendek. biasalah bandgirl zaman dulu2, mana ada pakai seluar panjang, mesti pakai mini skirt, and baju band yang banyak tali2 and rambu.

masa secondary school, suka sangat2 tengok donny and marie show, and suka stay-up malam2 tengok movie, and kaki baca mills and boon. camana you boleh suka baca MB? hee... i tak leh layan MB. masa teenagers biasalah agak nakal. suka duk dapur buat2 rajin cuci pinggan, walaupun sebenarnya mengintai org gi surau. youlah kan yang suka tgk anak master mad tu - syamsuri ke sheridan? and suka tengok hasnor, abg iluni. and kononnya malu giler ngan hasnan. hehe... tak sangka lepas gi uk jadi baik pulak. haha...



inilah lagu donny and marie yang i paling suka, tapi tak de video. so just listen to the song.

after spm, you straight gi UK. initially kat camborne, then moved to plymouth. suka sangat masa you kat UK, coz you always wrote letters and cards to us. masa tu i memang berangan sakan nak study kat UK macam you and kak ni. then you sibuk nak kahwin kat UK, but ayah tak bagi, so you balik nikah kat m'sia.

apa yang paling best about kak na? rajin berkemas. i memang minat kalau kerja kat dapur or kemas apa2 pun ngan you. kerja memang cekap, efficient and we prefer everything to be teratur and kemas. kerja pun pantas. kalau lepas kenduri kat rumah che' tu, org mesti kagum tengok efficientnya kita kerja. cuma... kita ni slow sikit bab masak. i masih ingat masa you duduk taman setali maju kat kuantan, meals kat rumah you siap order from catering service, dia datang hantar dalam mangkuk tingkat. masa tu belum ada maid.

you are also an excellent engineer. eventhough masa student you tak delah excellent sangat, tapi bila dah kerja, you memang excellent. mana2 pergi mesti jadi anak emas boss. ingat lagi you datang bagi ceramah kerjaya kat my mrsm kuantan. phew... bangga betul bila yang bagi lecture tu my own sister!

tak sangka juga, dalam sibuk bercarrier, anak dah tujuh orang, you masih sempat buat masters selepas anak keenam. dan pernah accident sampai your nissan x-trail terbalik kat karak highway masa drive sorang2 utk gi UKM.

you are a beautiful, independent, tough, strong-willed, smart and charismatic women. semoga terus successful in your life, career, dunia dan akhirat. may all your children - saif, tasneem, hannan, najihah, imaan, solehah and ammar dapat membahagiakan dan menyejukkan hati you and abg din selamanya.

i tak dapat cari vid donny singing puppy love yang best, but i hope you'll enjoy this clip from donny singing Any Dream Will Do .

luv ya - now, then and forever.

inspiring talks

a great teacher inspires...

i went to a symposium last week - the reason why i had been quiet for the past few days. it was in KL and i didn't bring my captain future along. elok pun tak bawak. internet connection kena bayar. i kan sedikit kedekut!

the symposium was good. makin tertarik pada paeds ophthal. masa houseman dulu, my paediatrician bukan main lagi suruh i buat paeds. tapi i told him that my interest is in surgery. lagipun i mudah kesian ngan budak2.

seronok tengok the speakers. there were many speakers, but yang i paling suka dr sonal and dr gangadhara from singapore and dr steven hing from australia. many people can present and can talk, but not many people can deliver their message well, and at the same time make their talk very interesting. it is an art. some people are just gifted.

a great teacher inspires... dari dulu i believe in this.

dr sonal might be serious, but her surgeries were superb. ok, i haven't seen her communicating with patients, but i can tell that she must be very strict and serious at work. her slides are very good. the pictures were very illustrative and the videos spoke for itself. her explanation is vey clear, with clear crispy voice. message well delivered.

so does dr gangga.

but dr steven hing is really cool. suka tengok dia. he is about 50 y.o, but is still very stylo. rambut cam trojan, pacak kat tengah dari depan sampai belakang. sekali tengok macam tak sikat langsung. he is funny, humble and down-to-earth. very sincere bila dia nak cerita about something, you can feel it with his words. message well delivered. cuma bila bercakap, the words macam berebut2 nak keluar, so not very clear. very simple, and even only wore a t-shirt on his sunday presentations.

i admire people who can speak well in public. sometimes, their language is not that perfect but their confidence and ability to communicate well hide all the weaknesses.

at this age, i'm still nervous to talk in public. plan nak cakap lain, keluar benda lain. some people baca from a well prepared text, but i don't like to do that. i prefer to speak freely and spontaneously. kalau baca text, nampak lagi nervous coz you need to memorise things and need a lot of synchronization. kalau terlupa and terskip sesuatu, it will be very obvious.

a great teacher inspires... who are my great teachers? dato' khalid kadir, prof raymond, prof muhaya, prof nasir (now a politician), prof ishak. and i admire these 2 professors for their excellence way in delivering their views - prof zabidi and prof aziz baba.

profesor - dulu, pernah sorang patient mendoakan agar satu hari nanti i boleh jadi profesor. terima kasihlah pak cik. but i don't think i can be a good teacher... garang sangat!

ketentuan

this entry would make my july as the most productive month since i started blogging. 18 published entries - up till july 23rd.

it makes me wonder.... did i have so much free time that i was able to write and blog? not counting the time spent browsing the net for many other reasons. kononnya environmentalist.. tapi actually, by surfing the net, you are contributing more to global warming. hehe.. cakap tak serupa bikin!

haha.. hari ini i telah berjaya untuk tidak hadir satu meeting. told my boss yesterday, i won't go to that meeting today. reason - i need to be at the perioperative course that i conducted. another reason was i kecik hati sangat2 they didn't put my name in the minutes of the meeting. seolah2 i tak wujud. hey! i was the first person to be there at the first meeting. i am always punctual, and i waited for everyone, and stayed till the meeting ended at nearly 5.30pm.

boss persuaded me to go with her just now, but i apologized and said a firm NO. i have never been this bold, i rasa boss pun wondering what's happening with me. i am not going. if i was so insignificant and invincible to them, why should i be bothered by the meeting. i couldn't care less. they didn't even send me the minutes of the previous meeting. i pun dah malaslah nak aktif2 lagi. dulu memanglah... kita sentiasa orang kuat. but i only work for people who believe in me, who sees my potential, and who can appreciate my thoughts and opinions.

cerita lain..

going to KL tomorrow for UM Paediatric Ophthal Symposium. friday till sunday. am i going to bring captain future along? i have a friend who will be sharing the room with me, so mungkin tak delah boring sangat. so, tak pelah captain, i'll bring you some other time. hubbyby and the children mungkin balik KB.

my maid is leaving to medan. also tomorrow. but her flight is earlier, air asia 8.20 am. mine is MAS 10.05 am. kami lepaskan dia pergi sendiri. pandai2lah bawa diri kat LCCT tu. dulu kami hantar dia sampai KLIA. dia bawak balik 2 big bags and another 2 small bags. katanya nak kembali, so i bought her a return ticket, charged to her account. dulu, belanja pulang i tanggung sebagai penghargaan. harap dia datang balik, life would be a little difficult without her.

she is a good maid. i have to admit that. walau anita ni garang, i tak pernah marah dia. i was brought up never to raise my voice with older people, she is older than me. but i have always been firm, and she knows when i tak suka dia buat satu2 benda. cuma i tak suka bila dia suka berdalih. berlaku jujurlah dengan siapa2 pun. kejujuran itu penting.

sedih juga.. pastinya dia akan cium tangan i, and hug me, and cries. the indons are always like that. kadang2 tak tahu pulak.. ori ke berlakon. tapi kita memang mudah tersentuh, dan mudah nak nangis. itu memang weakness, walau control macho. dah 3 tahun kita bersama, sedikit sebanyak, bonding tu ada. i don't like parting with people.. sayu dan sedih.

petang tadi turut rasa sedih, a colleague has to leave the dept. i've talked to 2nd boss and boss too, but negative answer. she talked to boss petang tadi, but it seems that boss cannot do anything. will take her out for a special makan2 when she is back.

semua ketentuan Tuhan ada hikmahnya. cuma kita yang perlu berfikir..

have you ever seen the rain

tiba2 teringat lagu lama. easy listening..

smoke on the water

hari ni cuti. keputeraan sultan terengganu. israk dan mikraj juga.

ikut plan asal, hari ini perlu bereskan kerja. mesti. wajib. dah lama kerja ni tertangguh, perlu siap sebelum rabu. datang khamis, aku perlu hasil kerja itu. otherwise, aku tak boleh maafkan diri aku sendiri.

tapi all work and no play makes jack a dull boy. ahh... sungguh boring! ada beberapa sebab kerja masih belum selesai. tiada scanner. the old scanner tak compatible with all the computers that we have in the house now. nak beli baru? rasanya malas nak tambah barang dalam rumah ni sehingga kami pindah rumah baru. banyak sangat barang, serabut! dan masih banyak barang dalam store yang kotaknya masih belum dibuka sejak di bawa dari rumah lama.

sunyi.....

sepi....

sofea dan hanif ke amethyst. mereka seronok kalau dapat ke amethyst. hubbyby melarikan mereka dari aku supaya aku boleh tekun bekerja. tapi bila mereka tiada sungguh sunyi. tiada org utk bercakap. tiada benda utk dibebelkan.

cuma ada aku dan bibik. sejak peristiwa akhir june lalu, aku dan bibik tidak lagi mesra seperti dulu. aku tak suka orang yang tidak jujur. kita jaga dia dgn baik, dia sanggup membelakangkan kita. kita rasa tertipu. bukan berdendam, tapi geram.

semalam pagi dia menangis, minta izin pulang ke medan. katanya anak sakit. susah untuk aku percayakan dia lagi. berapa lama mahu pulang? satu bulan. aku benarkan cuma dua minggu. dia mohon utk beli bagasi lebih besar. jauh di sudut hati dapat aku rasakan, dia bagai mahu pulang terus. mungkin tidak mahu kembali ke sini lagi. diakan sudah bersuami.

aku perlu faham. mungkin dia sunyi. mungkin dia rasa bersalah. lantas sudah tidak selesa lagi. belas perasaanku melihat dia termenung jauh ke luar pintu dapur. bibik jiran sebelah juga sudah tiada, mereka sudah pindah.

belas, aku juga tersentuh. naluri seorang ibu dan naluri wanita. aku faham. tapi aku sengaja berkeras. ego. kejamkah aku? kenapa aku perlu membuat dia terus rasa bersalah? dia sebenarnya cukup baik sebagai bibik. kalau dia pergi, aku mungkin tidak mencari ganti. dan hidup kami perlu di orientasi kembali.

****************************************************************************

prestasi captain future merudum akhir2 ini. kenapa? ntahlah. internet connection asyik terputus2 biarpun icon streamyx tiada masalah. program juga kerapkali hang. virus? anti-virus updated.

naik main games pun tak seronok. slow. movement tak mantap.

***********************************************************************************

ok. dah puas membebel sendirian. aku perlu kembali bekerja. bekerja di hari cuti. angkara siapa? angkara sendiri. bertangguhlah lagi. rasakan sendiri!

tegar

listen to this beautiful song...

reminiscence of yerterday

i'm glad i found them.

yeah... thanx to MukaBuku. since joining FB, i have rekindled with many old friends, especially from my primary school, ZS, whom i last met about 25 years ago (makes me sounds old!).

the outsiders - tom cruise, emilio estevev, tommy howell, ralph machio, rob lowe, patrick swayze, matt dillon.

yesterday i met Jue. seronok jumpa, she came here for a business presentation and we went out for lunch. alhamdulillah, jue is very successful now. monthly income sampai 60K. owns a BMW, but she came with camry yesterday. married with one child. anak pun sekolah kat Alice Smith International School. but Jue is as humble as before. yelah.. dia memang org senang pun, before masuk ZS dulu, she stayed in Manila. still cakap kelantan pekat walalu duduk KL dah lama.

i pun dah dapat contact semula ngan Nina, Farlene, Mimi, Elin, MIra, Irene and many more. Nina and Mimi dah quit their jobs, being fulltime housewives, tak pelah hubby depa semua kaya2. farlene is now a lawyer, working with his father's firm in KL. Elin kat Sapura. Irene kat SIRIM.

What surprised me is Mira. sungguh tak sangka, Nik Samira Nik Mustafa who used to be so shy and quiet is now a successful script-writer and film publisher. pernah tengok films - Cinta and Sepi, and now Setem? TV series - Kekasihku Seru and Nur Kasih? well she is MIRA MUSTAFA, wife to Khabir Bhatia, the film director. She is the publisher of the above films and tv series, filmscape.

i pernah tengok Mira Mustafa accept award on TV dulu, and pernah kata - eh, dia ni macam nik samira je. tengok2, betul pun. masih sama cam dulu. before buat cerita & film, she was with NST.

just now, i had a long chat with Mimi. happy sangat-sangat, seronok sampai more than 1 hour kami chat. masa sekolah rendah dulu, kami kaki gayut kat telefon, sampai my sister Liza selalu marah. buat homework pun dlm phone. then kami sama2 minat badminton. yang bezanya, i love 'badminton', tapi mimi suka badminton sebab minat rashid sidek. dlm umur 12 years old dulu, mimi dah pandai and berani call rashid sidek. she always called him. and biasalah... i ni kan good listener, maka kita sentiasa menjadi tempat mengadu.

Mimi ni memang smart. after ZS, she went to TKC - tg khursiah college. and we lost contact since then. she went to UK after SPM, and later work with few banks. she got married 2 years ago, and is blessed with one child, now 7 months old. she is now pregnant again.

ramai lagi yang i belum dapat cari... i have been googling for betty and hanis. they were my best buddies. hanis and me pernah conteng kat meja "perry king - hanis and nita will never end". we were MU fans. i minat bryan robson & mike duxbury, hanis suka graeme sharp from everton. pernah sampai perang mulut ngan betty and elin yang masa tu minat brighton.

old memories.. teringat zaman 'tiger beat', ZAS force & the cylons, outsiders, kebun sains - our rapunzel longbeans, performing at the year-end school parties, and the last dance together. and we wrote our names on the bola netball. and we cried.. on the last day at school..

came 1984 - i went to mrsm ktn, betty and mimi to TKC, irene to mrsm KB, elin and hanis stayed at ZS. and we lost contact. many stayed in ZS including nina, farlene and many others. they were also smart, but since they came from a well-off family, they prefered to stay with their parents.

but me and nina continue to write to each other till our days in Uni. she went to UK, and we last met in 1995, when she returned for good.

bilalah nak buat reunion? mesti seronok jumpa..

ahh... the good ole days!

lavender freak

july 19th 1989 - the day my niece, Tasneem, was born.

Happy birthday, Taz. so ada dapat lavender bouquet ke? haa... enda dah tanya kat FB, kena jawab ye.. i'm waiting for the answer!

lavender, i think you are the only one among your siblings yang tak pernah gemuk masa kecik. yang lain semuanya chubby. but you were cute, nonetheless. paling enda ingat, you masa dlm umur 2 tahun, cukup minat ngan org laki. asal jalan2 jumpa mana2 lelaki (dlm rumah kitalah!), you mesti dgn selamba dan manjanya merebahkan badan you ke ribaan lelaki tersebut. hee... tak malu!

bila dah besar sikit, dlm umur 3-4 tahun, you memang nakal giler!. paling tak leh lupa masa enda & seri jaga you all masa ummi gi umrah. hee... sabar jelah. dahlah abang saif tu nakal. kami kena betul2 kunci rumah tu supaya you and hannan tak leh keluar gi playground kat sebelah rumah tu. tapi korang memang kuat berusaha, you tolak dining chair tu ke pintu depan, then you suruh si hannan yang sentiasa menurut perintah tu duduk atas kerusi tu, and you panjat atas hannan supaya you boleh buka selak pintu yang atas sekali. tapi... hehe... korang tu kecik, mana sampai! enda n seri gelak je, cuma takut korang jatuh jelah.

lagi satu, bila nak tidur and nak pakaikan diapers... hee... kamu sungguh jahat and saje je nak wee wee masa tu. saje je nak sakitkan hati kami yang dgn paksarela menjadi babysitters you all. tapi kami dapat upah tau...

bila dah sekolah rendah, satu soalan yang tak boleh enda lupakan was bila you dgn innocentnya tanya enda - enda, 'gelenya' tu ape? hehe.. mesti selalu kena marah ngan ummi ni!

alhamdulillah dah besar ni, baik pulak budak ni. SPM pun mantap. ingat nak ambik medic, tapi gi buat industrial maths pula. tak pelah.. apa2 pun tak pe asalkan minat and excellent.

ucapan skema utk tasneem - selamat harijadi ke-20. belajar rajin2. ingat, jgn hampakan ummi dan abah, abg dan adik2. bina keperibadian kita, biar ada jati diri dan berpendirian. semoga sukses in your studies and jadi excellent student. i believe in you. be good and all the best.

i luv ya!

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MrX added me on facebook! haha.. berfikir2 juga. akhirnya accept je. bukannye ada benda pun. cerita dulu-dulu. kita pun bknnya serius sgt dulu. siap lari2 lagi, sengaja stay lama2 kat spital, malas balik rumah coz kena jawab his calls. kita cuma tak pandai nak berpura-pura... salah ke? tak de chemistry. tak pandai nak buat2 suka, tak real!

tapi, kita kalau suka orang... haha.. dahsyat jugak! tak nampak muka dia, nampak motor dia pun tak pe. NS 2743, bukan motor baru pun, tapi lain dari yang lain. bila gi solat kat surau hostel tu, mesti nak duduk sebelah kakak dia. his niece yang sebaya ngan kita (law student) pun ntah camana boleh jadi kawan baik kita. kad atm kita pun asyik kena telan sebab asyik ingat matrix no. dia. paling seronok bila cam ada chemistry... color baju asyik sedondon. haha... kelakar tul zaman dulu2. siap pasang angan2, bila ada kereta nanti mesti pakai no. NAF .... ada makna tu! hem.. that was esperanto, and he was the one yang tolong proposekan MrX to me. haru..

itulah dunia dan manusia. kita suka dia, dia suka orang lain. orang lain suka kita, kita pulak tak suka orang tu. kadang2 sama-sama suka tapi pengecut, tak tahu mana nak mula. kadang2 suka sama suka, tapi.. ada je halangannya.

tu cerita dulu-dulu..

now, kalau keluar jalan2, kita selalu perhatikan dan gelakkan budak2 muda yang kononnya baru nak belajar2 couple. honestly, kita tak pandai nak couple zaman dulu. kita suka berkawan je. ber'couple' tu tak real pada kita. mesti asyik nak impress couple je. tapi kalau kita berkawan, kita tak perlu buat2 baik, tak perlu berlakon. kita cuma perlu jadi diri kita. no pretending. be yourself. kalau orang suka kita, then dia suka the 'real' kita, bukan perempuan yang control ayu.

but you'll know when the feeling come creeping deep inside. you'll feel comfortable together. the day won't be the same without him. seeing his name when the phone rings and getting his text messages makes you smile. you'll feel much better when you know he cares. you'll know he'll be there when you need a shoulder to cry on. we're just humans.

to love is to share. to love is to care. sincerity. honesty.

love means never having to say you're sorry.

my niece, Anne on her wedding day.

to those who are still single, doalah untuk jodoh yang baik, yang boleh menerima kita seadanya, yang boleh membimbing kita dan membahagiakan kita dunia akhirat.

tak perlu criteria panjang berjela, tak perlu harta melimpah ruah, tak perlu rupa sehandsome tom cruise atau secantik aishwarya rai. kalau baik akhlak serta pekertinya, halus budi bahasanya, teratur solatnya, menghormati yang tua, menyayangi yang kecil, insyallah baiklah dia. biarlah dia seorang yang cekal dan kuat jiwanya, lembut hatinya, sabar dan tabah menghadapi cabaran, kerana pelayaran hidup ini tidak selalunya di air tenang, penuh ranjau dan duri.

a good friend of mine, Mr Saviour pernah kata - perempuan ni macam cake, lagi lembut and lagi cantik cake tu, lagi org laki suka. tapi kita tak setuju ngan dia. jawapan kita pada mr saviour - buat apa cake cantik and lembut kalau tak tahan lama? dibiarkan pada suhu bilik, maka cairlah cream yang menyelaputi cake tu, salah cara potong, hancurlah cake tu, kalau dibiarkan dua tiga hari, berkulat pula. kalau nak pilih cake pun, pilihlah yang asasnya kuat, macam fruit cakes, tegap tapi lembut, fruitful pulak tu, dan tahan lama compared ngan other cakes. nak lebih cantik, bolehlah letak marzipan dressing, tak cair. sebab tu, wedding cakes mostly are fruitcakes dressed in marzipan... well, what say you?

kata dhuha, dia mahukan cinta tiga segi - aku, dia dan Allah. best of luck, doo!

girls, who is next??

suatu masa - a special dedication to Sue

July 15th - is the day my sister, Sufiawati was born. she is my 4th sister, but due to unknown reason, we just call her Sue. in fact starting from her, we just call other sisters by names, without the traditional pre-fix "kak".

sue is a petite lady. if i'm considered small, she is even smaller than me. beza umur 7 tahun, tapi when we get to sit together, the age gap just do not exist. i feel so comfortable talking to her. we can talk for hours... and share alot of things together.

during primary school, sue is the school dancer for ZS. kalau tengok album lama, banyaklah gambar sue sedang menari kat school concert and speech day. biasalah ZS zaman dulu2, speech day and school concert mesti happening punye. she was so comel and cute. but sue that i remember the most is during her teenage years, masa she was in SMS Pengkalan Chepa. selalu ingat pergi hantar sue gi sekolah tu bila tiba hari sabtu, and go and collect her bila cuti sekolah mula. boleh ingat panjat tangga hostel sekolah tu and minum2 kat the school canteen. and she always bring home her school friends yang suka layan i main2. yelah... masa kita kecik2 dulu, orang sukalah nak layan kita. i rasa zaman you kat SMS was the best part of your life... you were so yourself, young, energetic, happy-go-lucky and lively.

bila you nak fly gi US, ingat lagi susahnya nak shopping baju utk you coz nak cari kat adult, besar sangat; nak cari kat children kecik sangat. yelah... 1982, KB tu bukan ada benda sangat. last2 gi shopping last minute kat KL.

amongst all, i think you are the toughest. banyak dugaan dan cabaran kehidupan, sejak kat US lagi. memang betullah kata orang, dugaan Tuhan itu memang diberi pada mereka yang terpilih, yang memang Allah tahu boleh menghadapinya. i memang salute habis kat you. you are one in a million. abg chik is really lucky to have you. memang patut pun you jadi menantu kesayangan.

while in US, sue was lucky when dia tak jadi ikut kawan2nya pergi satu tempat tu. the car met with an accident and 7 malaysian students died. it was in amarillo, texas. it was a big news in malaysia, berita utama. and it turned-out that it was you who mandikan jenazah kawan2 tu. i'm sure it was hard for you, pengalaman tak leh lupa sampai mati.

then there was also an incident in which a lady entered your house in US with a gun in one hand. but you handled it well. you also met with a car accident with a drunken driver. sampai lama berzaman you tak bawak kereta, phobia kot. la ni dah ok agaknya. so, dad finally gave in when you ask to get married in US. you only returned after dhuha was born.

an architecture graduate but choose to become a housewife. i guess, dad never said a word about it; mungkin ada but since you were already married, dad tak kacaulah. lagipun you balik zaman recession. life was not easy in the beginning. but both of you are strong, tough, stubborn and never give-up. perseverance might be the correct word. Allah is always with those yang sentiasa sabar, never give-up. and i never heard you complaining, not a word. you are the back-bone of abg chik's success. alhamdulillah, sekarang menuai hasil kesabaran masa lalu.

to sue, i really treasure the wonderful moments spent together. zaman giler2 main badminton, sama2 tunggu midnight movie dulu-dulu. dan seronoknya spent time talking and sharing our joys and sorrows in life. rasanya kita tak pernah gaduh. hehe... i kan adik yang baik! rumah you lah jadi tempat i and seri lepak2 bila tiba weekend masa kami student UKM/UM dulu. and now, since you in nilai, rumah you jugalah yang jadi persinggahan kalau kami perlu gi airport.

yes, we seldom meet each other nowadays. dalam setahun mungkin 2-3 kali je, but you are always close to my heart. remember that we are always there for you, in good times and bad times. i pernah giler2 menangis tengok satu movie tu coz it really reminds me of you. you are such a wonderful lady, equipped with beauty, strength, patience and perseverance. may dhuha, hajar, epi, sarah and nu'man bring you happiness dunia akhirat.

since you memang m.nasir's fan (hehe.. dapat hubby pun rupa cam mnasir), here's a wonderful song by him... Suatu Masa. hope you enjoy it. nanti suruhlah abg chik mainkan kat piano tu before gi kerja esok.



i wish you all the best and many happy returns. luv ya - now, then and forever..